Coping with a parent with dementia.

@mike1961, Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect!
You ask, how do you accept the fact of dementia? It's hard to ever accept the situation, but you do have to deal with it. When it’s your mom it’s 10x more upsetting, I’m sure. My father also had dementia and it was difficult to accept. He was a senior army officer and he slowly became a different person. We learned to deal with the man he was and the man he became.

Has your mom been formally diagnosed with dementia? What have you noticed?

My stepmother is in MC, she has FTD. My brother and I noticed that something was wrong about 12 years ago, yet we couldn't put our finger on what was happening.

We made this a research project, reading and gathering all the information we could, applying some of the obvious signs to her daily interaction.

Honestly, that was what helped us deal with what was going on, acknowledgement and acceptance came along with the research project.

When it got to the point where she had to be moved from AL to MC, we were ready to deal with the move.

The most important thing I have learned is "There is no cure, the downward spiral will continue".

To me, it is not the circumstances, it's how we handle them. We are living too long, do, doo occurs and we must be prepared.

I wish you the very best in your journey with her, practice patience as you will need it.

Thank you. I am trying to make my mine understand but it hurts to see mom getting worst.

Hi, @mike1961 I'm Scott and my MIL had dementia and my wife's brain cancer gave her a boatload of dementia-like symptoms.

I had to quickly learn from something my wife's neuro-oncologist told me early in my wife's journey. This was "your wife's brain is broken. Logic and explanations will rarely, if ever, work anymore. You need to learn to accept these changes and focus on her comfort, not her understanding of her disease and challenges."

Acceptance of this type of thing is always incredibly difficult and I'm happy to help with anything that might help you from our experiences.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 7 yrs ago and she moved in with us. I find that I try to focus on understanding how the disease impacts her and have things I do when she has an episode where it is particularly hard on her or me. Like if she does not recognize me and keeps asking who I am, it is particularly hard so I may give her a word search book to refocus or have her get ready for bed. Sometimes she cries because she realizes she is losing the battle and I simply give her a kiss on the head for reassurance and it helps. At some point I realize the toll will be too much and we have researched memory care facilities. Right now we can do a better job, but there are a few things at some point an an institution is better able to handle. She is 93...

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 7 yrs ago and she moved in with us. I find that I try to focus on understanding how the disease impacts her and have things I do when she has an episode where it is particularly hard on her or me. Like if she does not recognize me and keeps asking who I am, it is particularly hard so I may give her a word search book to refocus or have her get ready for bed. Sometimes she cries because she realizes she is losing the battle and I simply give her a kiss on the head for reassurance and it helps. At some point I realize the toll will be too much and we have researched memory care facilities. Right now we can do a better job, but there are a few things at some point an an institution is better able to handle. She is 93...