Local, in-person stroke support group participation?

They were the lifeline that kept us going. It was so helpful to meet with other caregivers and survivors and here their day-to-day experiences. Sometimes we were at the end of our ropes and so frustrated we had no clue how to move ahead and someone there would tell us what they did and we would try it and begin to move again. Life was not meant to be done alone. We all desperately need other people who have had similar experiences to share with and together we are stronger than each struggling alone. These groups are especially helpful for caregivers. Taking care of my husband I would sometimes feel that if I could only find the magic key everything would be right again. They really helped me accept and revel in the new "normal". They do so much to foster an acceptance of each day being a new adventure with no prescribed outcome. I have grown so much and learned that structure is how buildings are put together but not life. Through their stories/experiences I learned each day is a gift to be treasured because not everyone who has a loved one experience a stroke has them to care for and that alternative is more painful. As with anything, you will get out of the group what you put into it. You will need to become comfortable with sharing your life with "strangers" who become friends and taking advice/criticism from these same people. You will be richly blessed and will eventually look back and see how vital they were to your sense of peace. I wish our group had returned to meeting after COVID but they were too scared something happening. If I could find another group, I would join again.

Thank you for your reply.

I definitely agree that caregivers are the real heroes in any recovery story. I wouldn't last fifteen minutes without my wife, and my primary motivation to improve is to help relieve some of her burden. I can't thank her enough! As they sing in Beethoven's opera, Fidelio, "Nie wird es zu hoch besungen/ Retterin des Gatten sein!" (Never can we too highly praise/ the wife who saves her husband!)

When people say, "I'll pray for you," I say:
"Thank you, but please pray for my wife."

Anyway, before joining a support group, I started producing 5-minute videos about my recovery. I'm not allowed to post a link here, but if you go to YouTube and search
Scott Lucado Stroke Recovery
they'll pop right up. Thanks for having a look.

Best wishes on your recovery journey!

It is good to hear you appreciate your wife. My husband's doctors have told him he wouldn't have recovered like he did without me pushing him and them to help him get better. Now he just is immensely angry most of the time and directs it at me. Not sure where that will end up going but makes it very hard to continue to care joyfully. Just wish I knew the secret to remove his anger and non-acceptance that he had a stroke and it was no one's fault per se. Thanks for responding, I will try to check out the you tube.

I am so very sorry that your husband is struggling and taking it out on you. That must make a difficult job even much more so.

One thing that helped me was maintaining a gratitude mindset. When I was first admitted to the hospital, they told me up-front, "You don't know it now, but you're a very lucky man. You can still speak, remember, and think."

Ever since, I keep focused on the positives: I'm basically okay, I just can't move well. I have a home; a wife who loves me; I am getting better, if very slowly. Things could be so much worse. I bet half the population of the planet would trade places with me in a heartbeat.

I have many bad days, to be sure -- I am in constant pain, and sleep very poorly -- but I try not to let that keep me down. And while I sometimes snap at my wife, I don't make a habit of it. I know my stroke is not her fault, and without her, I'd be lost.

Come Christmas, it'll be five years since the stroke. It's a drag being disabled, but I'm still hanging on.

Your family is in my prayers. I wish you well.

It will be 6 years Oct. 25 since Jerry let me know he "need a doctor". I can never forget that morning and how I found out he had actually started on the stroke the day before at work but didn't want to say anything. We are VERY lucky it wasn't worse since treatment action was significantly delayed due to the patient's refusal to face what was happening. I wish he could adopt your attitude. Mayo told him he needed cognitive behavior therapy because he wouldn't accept what had happened to him, but he won't work at that. His motto has always been--if you ignore it it will go away and I don't need to change. Someone gave my daughter a meme that sums it up--You can't fix stupid but sometimes duck tape helps. People tell me overall I have developed a wicked sense of humor they find amazing with what I deal with sometimes. Obviously this is not one of those times when life is easier--he's pretty touchy so am just trying to weather the storm and wait for the wind to change. When it does the sun shines until the next cloud. My faith keeps me moving ahead and keeps the love alive even when there is not much to "love" --it is an action NOT an emotion. Days like now my hero is Abigail. It couldn't have been easy living with Nabal, but Scripture tells us she was deemed beautiful and respected by all. If I can figure out how to do what she did, I will have things better. Her name means Father's joy--not my name but hopefully I can manage to bring joy into every situation. Thanks for your encouragement. Who knows maaybe Jerry will watch your you tube spots with me. 🙂

May God bless you.

I'm reminded of when I was in the rehab hospital right after the stroke. There was a man there who seemed to be struggling a lot. I asked my PT, who said, "His problem is that he won't work. He wants us to fix him. We can't. We can show him, but he has to do it himself."

I tried to learn from that guy's attitude, and work my hardest to improve. When my PT would ask if I thought I could do some new task, I'd say, "Let's find out."

Then again, I was 300 miles from home, and I wanted desperately to get well enough to travel home!

It's good that your faith comforts you. My first year was very difficult, mostly because of pain. I would pray, "Okay, Lord, I guess I won't get a miracle cure. But I'm at the end of my rope here. Help me get over this hurdle, then the next, and the next." Those prayers were answered, just barely. Enough to keep me going, anyway.

And keep your sense of humor! It helps. There were times when if it weren't for humor, my wife and I might not have made it.

I've had 3 cardiovascular surgeries over a 3-year period. The first stroke was caused by a TAVR procedure to replace my aortic valve. Using catheters and wires is the latest technology. It's a minimally invasive procedure replacing open heart surgery, the traditional approach. The downside is that the wires can chip off pieces of calcium and/or cholesterol that leads to an ischemic stroke.

The second and third strokes were caused by bypassing a seriously blocked carotid artery. They used a T-Car procedure, like a TAVR in that it relies upon catheters and wires.

All 3 strokes are minor, cumbersome, and annoying but not life threatening or debilitating.
At my age, 84, we're more concerned with anesthesia than the procedure. The innovative technology minimizing anesthesia and maximizing results, especially for seniors in their 80's.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and especially prayer. If God did not lend me some of His strength every day I would not get through. Your comments and sharing your journey came at a time I needed to be reminded of the bigger picture--to make it to the end doing the best we can each step of the way. I will add you and your wife to y prayer list asking for God's provision for you and praising Him for your paying it forward to others. God bless you, too.

Quite a fascinating story!

I didn't realize there were so many new surgical techniques.
Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Thanks!

By the way, if there's anything you'd like to share less publicly, feel free to send me a private message.