My husband passed away

I lost my husband 4 1/2 months ago. We were married for 56 years and the only living relative I have is my son. He calls me almost everyday, but spends very little time with me. I have had health issues since his death and coupled with that I miss him so much and cry all the time. I know I suffer from anxiety and depression, but trying to get immediate help has been very difficult. I’m

I am seeking grief counseling & also attempting to get a doctor for my health issues, but it is very difficult to get an appointment with a specialist in my area. When I call to schedule an appointment, I usually get the following answers like… not excepting new patients, new patient appointments are being scheduled for five months from now or a Doctor is retired. Have had no luck.

@triz- I know, it can become extremely frustrating, and it's nationwide. If I were you I'd take the first available appointment and keep looking. At least you'll have one.

What do you think? What happened to your past doctors?

Merry

lol, That seems to happen more times than not. I dabbled in looking online but the photos that were sent to me made me realize that I'm not ready yet either.

The sense of it, the point of it is - you are alive. And I don't believe that we are meant to be alone. But this is just my opinion, based on my needs.

I think that no matter how strange it is, both worlds can co-exist: to be out with someone different than your husband doesn't mean that you have stopped loving him. It means that you have needs in the living world. It doesn't mean that you are betraying him or your life together. And as difficult as it is to let go it can be done.

Go for it again, do you dare? I'm not sure that I do. lol But I will

Yesssssssss. I really appreciate your message especially about both worlds co-existing. I will always love that guy and i do want someone to share my life with again since i can no longer have him! My new life is a work in progress. I am a brand new person and i can truly say that i am a better version of myself. I wish he had known this new me because i know he would be proud. I will keep you posted and you do the same for me!
Thanks again,
Karen

Good morning Karen- I consider myself a work in progress. I wouldn't say I like some of the qualities I see repeatedly in myself. I'm squashing them because I'm still so vulnerable.

I don't think that people who haven't lost a partner realize how fierce the need is to be loved, comforted, and loved. It feels like an obsession sometimes. Do you feel this?

ABSOLUTELY. Have you read or talked about "secondary losses" yet? For me this struck such a chord. The death of someone we care about is a primary event in our lives but we are losing so much more than just our person. This loss sets in motion dozens of subsequent losses. Examples given were loss of: family structure, financial security, self-confidence, identity, dreams, future and past, ETC. Its that pebble dropped into a pond and the ridiculous ripple affects it has on the water. It was suggested to me that its helpful to identify these personal secondary losses and grieve them also. The following words were provided to get you thinking about the roles that your person filled in your relationship and that was such an eye opener:
Friend--Lover--handyman--gardener--companion--tax preparer--spouse--bill payer--protector--counselor--cook--co-parent--sports partner--comforter.
Then we went on to fill in the list with what our special person provided or enhanced in our life together. One thing that hit me was that my husband really was my biggest fan and loved me so well, so unconditionally. I want THAT again. I want a life partner again. I want love and to be loved again. Finally, i read a book by a woman named Christina Rasmussen, Second Firsts. She speaks of the word "dating" and the discomfort it elicits for so many. But if we think of it as "loving" and that we are going out to find someone to love us, then it softens it a little. I liked that idea. So YES, i too am obsessed by this!

Karen- Do not go anywhere other than this site for a while! Lol. I need your help too. This is excellent advice. I'm going to try these. The thing that got me the angriest was the banking and that he left so much stuff. I've yet to call a book appraiser. I've yet to get a close friend of his down to go through his tools and other things to see what I can group together and sell, and what I might use.

And, I just ordered the book, Christina Rasmussen, Second Firsts.
It's supposed to be delivered tomorrow. I'll dive right into it, lol

I lost my husband 4 1/2 months ago. We were married for 56 years and the only living relative I have is my son. He calls me almost everyday, but spends very little time with me. I have had health issues since his death and coupled with that I miss him so much and cry all the time. I know I suffer from anxiety and depression, but trying to get immediate help has been very difficult. I’m