.... I hope you get some positive feedback and also maybe check some previous comments/discussion on here that will help you - I can only say that I am in a similar position having worked since age 16, not a high end job but paid the bills; away from family support in another country; coped with 9 yr abusive marriage, single parent then thankfully remarried a good man; but then many illnesses and have also been non-productive whereas before was busy with job home garden driving raising children etc.... you are not alone and I agree it is even worse not being able to do most of these things now, and especially when we see others around the same age being able to still do many of the things we did!!! so we are not only suffering with painful and poor health but almost a guilt at having to rest most of the time... the mental affect/effect not helping... I don't really have an answer except that most days now I "have" to accept this change! without feeling guilty without pining for the past, but am gradually learning to live with it. I do have a social worker zoom me once a month and she has helped with verbal support and most of all trying to get me to love myself .. love myself the way I am now.. it has not been easy but this "new life" was not my choice but through illness... I hope to read some comments you receive too because am always seeking help: just wanted to say I feel for you and understand... and although it is life altering maybe realizing there are those even worse off - not always helpful I know, but things "could be worse" ... sorry for your pain and suffering, J.