My husband passed away

@bigmaya- Welcome to Mayo Clinic, even under such circumstances. I just lost my husband 4 1/2 months ago. I'm just beginning to breathe, but only sometimes. I send you heartfelt sympathy and the strength that you will need for a while.

I hate to use an old saying but there are no stages of grief for everyone, no matter what you read. Everyone is different, and this is especially true with grief. My husband died from Vascular dementia. He wasn't ill for very long and it was as much a shock than a relief. Although I felt that too.

And like me, it may be way too soon for you to meet new people. Losing a spouse is hard, there's no way to get around it. And it takes a long time to even get used to the fact. Someone recently said that it's like being in a war zone and not knowing how to use any of the weapons. I was very numb and didn't feel like I fit in anywhere, even with my sister. I had to stay away from feeling like that because, for me, it made matters worse. I felt guilty for feeling like that and didn't understand it. But it was everyone I felt that way with.

I'm so glad that you have reached out. Can you sleep yet, or eat?

Merry

I haven't looked for new company yet. But I know what you mean. If you have a religious or spiritual place that you attend that might be a good beginning. If your husband died while in the care of hospice that is another good resource. Your husband's doctor is also a great resource, or should be.

I'm sorry that you are without a

Thank you Merry,
I'm sorry to read about your loss! Wish too that happier circumstances would have brought us together... l'm surprised really that l get to sleep, l've been waking up rather late even, without taking anything! I guess grief, depression etc. wear me down... A few people came around and everybody brings tons of food so yes, l managed to eat some though l think it's more out of stress and anxiety. I try to read but spend most of the day watching Law&Order SVU... they've becone familiar to me and l guess l fall for the friendship and the team having each other's backs.
I also have a whole bunch of felines, wish they could talk😺🙏

This last Tuesday, August 22, was the one-year anniversary of my wife's passing. She died of the terrible Creutzfeldt Jakob disease. It was/is an unbelievable shock. In early July she indicated that she wasn't feeling right, and that we should go to the ER. After numerous tests with a neurologist, sans, spinal tap, etc. she was diagnosed with this prion disease. We were immediately connected with Hospice since there is no cure for this disease. She was admitted into a local nursing home, and passed away two weeks later. I'm trying to move on, but it is very difficult. I am experiencing all the things associated with a sudden loss, some of which is anger and loneliness. We would have celebrated our 45th anniversary this past year.

I lost my husband 4 1/2 months ago. We were married for 56 years and the only living relative I have is my son. He calls me almost everyday, but spends very little time with me. I have had health issues since his death and coupled with that I miss him so much and cry all the time. I know I suffer from anxiety and depression, but trying to get immediate help has been very difficult. I’m

Dear Bigmaya
I am so very sorry and saddened by your loss. I lost my husband aged 59 in June of this year. It’s impossible to know what to do and where to begin. I had some wonderful replies when I posted on here. One day at a time is what most people say and that’s all you can do. I have found everyday brings a new dimension. Sometimes more pain, sometimes joy. I think about my husband seemingly every second I’m awake but I’m sure there are times when my brain goes off elsewhere. I’ve tried to keep busy but do find myself just sitting and staring off into the sky. I’m sorry you don’t have any support where you are. Are there any counsellors near you? I have recently started going to the local hospice for counselling. It is very good. I wish you all the very best - I guess life will never be the same for us but we hold the memories and love close. X

Dear Justsara, l am so sorry for your loss and the more grateful to you for taking the time to reply.
I do have a little counseling and there are a couple of community places to go here to spend some time with other people. But they are strangers and l can't find the strength, let alone the will. It's all so recent, so new, painful and devastating. l wish for us that in time we can find some comfort, some peace of mind and the strenght to carry on. Thank you🙏

I am very sorry for your loss. When I lost my loved one, I thought the world should pause to honor him, but the days, weeks, and months just kept marching on. It has been 12 years and although I miss him every day, I miss him with a smile or laugh, rather than with tears.

I help facilitate a local grief support group on zoom. We have people from across the country and although they start off as strangers, they find common threads as they share their stories. And this helps everyone feel less alone on this journey. We know the grief is never gone, so we offer suggestions on how to live into the experience and how to find a peaceful place for grief to live. I know this may sound a little strange, but the deeper your love, the greater your grief. Don’t be afraid to each out, there are others feeling lost and alone and together you are stronger. Sending you a rainbow through the rain.

Hello, @bigmaya I was sad to read of your loss. I lost my wife of 41 years and continue to grieve this loss. One thing I learned was grief is very personal and follows no timeline that I can discern.

I fully understand what works for one person may not work for another, but here is one of the little things I did that helped me get from day to day. I began a "To Do List". All sorts of little things -- call a friend of old, write a thank you note to someone, clean a cupboard, touch up some of the paint that had become ruined by the wheelchair, etc. Others were larger -- I hadn't visited our children for over 15 years so I added those, plus a visit to the two friends who really stuck by my wife and I through all the years of her war with her brain cancer.

I promised myself I wouldn't check off an item on my list without first adding a new one to the bottom. For me, this gave me something to look forward to, or have to do, each day. I continue to do this and find it a nice support for me and one I control.

Wishing you Strength, Courage, & Peace

Thank you Scott for responding and I am sorry to hear of your wife's awful battle and your loss! This maledite Big C finished my husband too. We would have celebrated 32 married years coming Sept 17th but he was gone on Aug. 17th...
When couples, in our case, live a whole life together, these awful moments are bound to come our way. I wish we Westerners were better prepared but our society tends to mostly push all the harsher aspects of life under the rug...
I'm glad to hear that this little "to do list" is helping you get along. I just started this tough road and unfortunately have no friends or family l can turn to. There are some commuty activities here but l feel it's too early for me to venture out there. Hope for you that your children and old friends will respond and give you the comfort you need.
All the best💐🙏

Thank you KT🙏
I think it's great that you have this cross country zoom project. I'm sure people can find comfort and support and the main thing - not feel they're all alone.
I don't live in the US and am not aware yet of other reliable and safe groups to join. Could you by any chance recommend any?
Thank you again and all the best💐🙏