I'm very supportive, but she doesn't want it

I know I have done some of these things to my husband. I feel terrible about it but in many ways I do feel dead. I imagine your girlfriend is similar. My husband is always there for me, for doctor appointments and things I just can’t do on my own. He does however do some things on his own or with friends without me. I totally understand that he needs a break from me.
I pray that your girlfriend and I will recover in a way we can come back to our loves as we were in the past.
If you love her as you say, I would never suggest you move on. Maybe just move back a little, and wait for her to come to you. I wish you, and all of us some good news in the future. You sound like a terrific guy.

@fillybuster,
Speaking as someone who has been suffering for 3 yrs now, having seen more than 25 doctors with no answers, I can tell you - SHE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH. Trust me, it's because of what she's going through and the pain which is unbearable, her life that was robbed because of Covid, and wants so badly to be there for YOU that hurts her even more.

I can no longer function or drive and so ill because of damn Covid and my brother moved in to help me and it makes me so angry that I can't be there for him, with him, enjoying all the joys of life. EVERYTHING YOU DO MATTERS, trust me. She just wants to feel like she did and like you feel happy and healthy. The fear within is so terrible, words can't express. Every day continue to tell her you love her, no mater how she reacts. Look up some positive affirmations, and write a new one on a post-it note every day and put on the bathroom mirror. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE whatever you do, don't stop loving her and give up.

We are all praying for you and all the LT Covid sufferers that a cure is around the corner. I awaken every morning with a new and most horrible symptom as Covid attacks my body and there is nothing I can do to stop. I get angry that this beast of a virus (weapon) was even created. Why? Yet those that created it are fine. Covid robbed me of a very active life where I enjoyed running, walking, biking, hiking, working in yard and taking so much pride of the beautiful landscaping, lovin' my job which was so fabulous. I was much like her in that everywhere I went I made sure to be sooooooo careful and wore the N95 mask, sanitized, sanitized, sanitized and all my friends who didn't are fine, even the ones who caught Covid. So I do understand why she feels like she does and angry.

Of course she would love for you to help her and live you, BUT she doesn't want to burden you and that requires a big ask of her. I'm livin' it, know. I feel so bad for my brother.

I can't tell you how much I needed this. Every single day feels like an eternity; I know it's the same for her and for you. We used to talk about if certain scenarios happened that might shut us down, we expected the other to "come in and get" us. I've tried so hard to do that and see not one bit of difference from it. I don't want anyone else; I don't even think I could go out with anyone else just for the social experience. But today is the 30th anniversary of our first kiss. This should be a really big deal. We had different lives after that and then found each other again many years later but have considered August 23 to be the day that there became an "us." Now it feels to me like there is no us. She doesn't ever say "us" or "we." I have been trying to trust that my presence means more than she can say and to balance that with maybe not being so close that she feels more pressure than what her condition is already causing her. I do believe she knows this is squeezing the life out of me in a different way than what she is feeling, but apparently she can do no more about it than I can help her feel better tomorrow--except I can at least express my wish, and she cannot or at least does not. She and my mother became so fond of each other; now, neither mentions the other, my girlfriend because she can only think of so much at a time, and my mom, I fear, because she thinks my girlfriend is forever "gone." Occasionally my girlfriend still mentions my daughter, a high school senior. They also had become very close, and right now I can look around my living room and see half a dozen things my girlfriend got for my daughter that she completely loves. But now my daughter doesn't talk about her either; I am sure she misses her, but she has understandably had to move on with a lot of other things in her life. I don't want my girlfriend to feel like we all have moved on, but at the same time, we have to in some degree. It's almost like watching over a loved one to come out of a coma or waiting for them to come home from war; you don't know when or even if it will happen, and if it does, will this even be the same person? I so wish you could experience relief; three years is beyond comprehension to me. She is the sharpest person I know so she has thought of and tried to do everything possible about diet/supplements/etc., so I don't even ask about that part. I have said "I love you" less recently because it's getting so tough not to hear it back; I came up with an abbreviation "HLP," which stands for "hugs, love, prayers," and she does usually say that back. I told her I was going to be looking for a support group online because I could not find such a thing in my area. About the fear, I know it's horrible beyond any ability to describe. She has told me she is scared much more often than she has said that she loves me, which has been maybe three somewhat reluctant times all year. I just wish she would let me be scared with her; to me, we are a team, but she's not at that place. I don't even know how many doctors she is at now; it's certainly double digits, and typically the test results show nothing. I have looked every place I can think of for things to say/do: sites on chronic illness, depression, relationships. To say the least, I feel like I ran through the helpful list a long time ago. I tell her often that I admire her strength and say today is the day she might realize she isn't hurting quite as much. How are you able to reach out to me with advice after three years and be able to reach inside yourself and turn your feelings outward, when that is what it seems has been completely short-circuited in her? Thank you.

Dear. You are right— you need someone to hear you. But here is the thing: I don’t think this is the right forum for you. At all.
You’ve had devastating losses, and anyone reading your post can clearly hear your pain. But. The thing is, many of us relate to your girlfriend(!), and I don’t think you need to hear that right now. I’m wearing my therapist hat here, not my long Covid sufferer: please find a therapist. I’m serious. Get on a waiting list, and in the meantime find a therapy group that specializes in loss, or caretakers, or both.
Long Covid effects different people in so many ways. I’m sorry for you, truly. The thing is, it sounds like you are offering her what YOU want to give, what YOU thinks she needs. But what does SHE need? She may need space… or time… or both. She may need to break up temporarily. I’m reading your post and hear that YOU feel you are offering her amazing things… but they may be just another expectation and pressure for her, and you pushing her and insisting on staying in the relationship may seal the deal for HER —that you cannot hear anything or anyone beyond your own insistence that you are a great boyfriend.
I hope you hear what I’m saying because I’m not trying to cause you hurt. But you don’t know what she is going thru, and I highly doubt she will share feelings with you now.
Insisting on staying with her, being angry she didn’t celebrate your b-day properly, being mad she doesn’t show you what you want and isn’t moving in like you want her to? This is bullying behavior. You need to back up and back away. Focus on why you feel so desperate for HER to show YOU what YOU need. Please— this is exactly what therapy is for. Not because you are broken, but because you need context and help.
Good luck.

If this were not the forum for me, why did you respond at length?
You have important things to say. They are mostly opposite of what others have suggested. But that is why one reaches out. They are worth consideration because your situation may possibly have some analogy to what my girlfriend is experiencing. I appreciate that you care enough for her to write to me.
You do not know whether I have a therapist/s, or for how long, or what sessions might be about.
You do not know if she will not share feelings, and that is to say the least, and I would not reveal that kind of content anyway.
You do not know if I have "insisted" upon anything to her.
You have no reason to accuse me of bullying. You have no reason to presume to know whether she and I have discussed "distance" of any kind, and if so, what we said.
I did come here for support for myself. That is okay for a person to do who wishes to cause no additional worry to someone but needs to vent. That is why the forum exists.
I hope you mend. I hope you can receive love from those who offer.

One possibility is that she sounds like she has always been strong and in control of her life. It could be that she’s feeling so frustrated and angry at not being able to cope by her own strength, she may lash out especially to those closest to her. Advice don’t overwhelm her hoping you’ll receive the feelings you want. Her world has been turned upside down she is reavaluating her life and relationships. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

If one is going to a therapist and is still stuck, then that therapist isn't helping anymore. Messages on this forum are snapshots that only give partial pictures. We respond to them based on our lives and healing/hurting experiences. What I see is that neither of you is giving/accepting what the other wants right now. With healing and time that can change. Decades ago I was stalked after breaking up with an abusive boyfriend, so that colors how I read your message, fillybuster. That he was obsessed with me in no way indicates that you are anything but caring for her. It is why I recommended some time to focus on yourself, Because of my past, it would add stress if I had a boyfriend that was so focused on me. As it is, I have a husband that is focused on electronics and helping with the dishes and cleaning (a good tradeoff). You deserve to be treated well, and covid/life hits all of us differently. Life gets better once you are out of the tunnel.

I think you are on target here. It is like a primitive reaction to the threat of what has attacked her. I don't want to do anything but credit however the heck she is surviving at all, for I know many who would have given up in light of things I haven't even begun to describe here that keep me in tears sometimes. So thank you. It's just nice to know that I matter too, and I can't feel guilty for claiming my own support where offered, for it has certainly been needed.

I pray that all of us who are affected in one way or another will find that tunnel and encourage others that there is indeed a light there. I have had very hard things in my life. This is in many ways the toughest because there was no warning and no way to prepare for the depth of impact it made on my partner and our relationship. I am trying to maintain the daily affirmations but say less about "us." I realized I had gone through stages of grief but had not come back to rejoin life. That is an insight from therapy, so I would be very cautious there to critique that for which you really can have no insight. That is the goal. I don't want to do it without her. I realize it may strangely be the only way to get her back if this disease relents. It is counter-intuitive, but then again, what about Covid in any way is intuitive? Take care and thank you.

This resonates with me. I have had LC for 3.5 years. When my symptoms are particularly bad, I withdraw. I have a partner of nearly 20 years - we are not married - but when I get sick I withdraw. I can’t help it, it’s how I react to stress. Part of me thinks I am protecting the other person. Part of me does not want them to see me like this - when I am in despair or suffering. I don’t want someone I love to see me at my worst. I feel I am protecting them as well as myself. I know it does not make sense but with covid nothing does. She may be trying to protect you. As you know, covid can turn into a mental health issue. Nearly all long covid patients will at some point need meds to treat anxiety &/or depression. And I dare say any covid caregiver will probably also need anxiety/depression meds. If you choose to stay on this road you have to be resilient, but your mental health is the most important thing for you. I admire your dedication, but remind yourself she is stressed and not in a proper frame of mind to evaluate long term relationship status when she cannot make it through the day. You have to take care of you before you can continue to take care of her. Like the airlines used to say, put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others.