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Gave up driving, but... How to ask others not to encourage driving?

Posted by anotherday @anotherday, Aug 14, 2023

DH gave up driving on his own several years ago. In the recent months several people have encouraged that he drive. Come to this celebration....come to visit....hop in the car and we'll meet in _______. Then he gets it in his head that he needs to be driving again. I need a way to politely, but firmly tell people NOT to encourage him to drive anywhere. I drive, however he will not even meet up with his sister and her husband for a meal because they might see that I'm the one driving now. Suggestions?

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ihanrath | @ihanrath | Aug 18, 2023
In reply to @anotherday "He's to the point that he refuses to engage with anyone socially, isolating both of us...." + (show)
@anotherday

He's to the point that he refuses to engage with anyone socially, isolating both of us. No to does the family know. He has not been diagnosed yet, we're in the process of .

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Oh Dear, isolation can have such a negative affect for both of you. If you belong to a women's group or a church group or any supporting group or friends that could visit with him, while you take a break from this isolation, even just doing some shopping, meeting up with a friend for coffee or getting something special for you like a massage or a pedicure.
Check with the Alzheimer Association in your area to see if they can help with this. Good luck

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anotherday | @anotherday | Aug 21, 2023
In reply to @ihanrath "I am familiar with that one. I am also in a second marriage so my three..." + (show)
@ihanrath

I am familiar with that one. I am also in a second marriage so my three kids are more objective (all adults and out of the house). His son is very supportive but after I shared my concerns with his daughter, within a month she asked him to cosign a car-loan and asked for her and her daughter to move in with us but to not tell me! Lucky our policy is to always discuss our kids but each (biological) parent will do the talking to their kids. You are right and it can be sweet and bitter! Hang in there.
Wishing you peace and strength

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ihanrath - Just co sign a car - wow, my DH's younger son and DIL called and wanted 1.5 million to buy a starter house. You can't make this stuff up.

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anotherday | @anotherday | Aug 27, 2023
In reply to @ihanrath "Oh Dear, isolation can have such a negative affect for both of you. If you belong..." + (show)
@ihanrath

Oh Dear, isolation can have such a negative affect for both of you. If you belong to a women's group or a church group or any supporting group or friends that could visit with him, while you take a break from this isolation, even just doing some shopping, meeting up with a friend for coffee or getting something special for you like a massage or a pedicure.
Check with the Alzheimer Association in your area to see if they can help with this. Good luck

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I've looked into it. I've mentioned bringing someone in so that I could go out for a bit. He got angry, said he doesn't need someone here with him. You gave me a good idea though, I'll check with the local Alzheimer's group. Thank you.

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ihanrath | @ihanrath | Aug 27, 2023
In reply to @anotherday "I've looked into it. I've mentioned bringing someone in so that I could go out for..." + (show)
@anotherday

I've looked into it. I've mentioned bringing someone in so that I could go out for a bit. He got angry, said he doesn't need someone here with him. You gave me a good idea though, I'll check with the local Alzheimer's group. Thank you.

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It is so difficult when your loved one does not see his own needs. Instead of letting him know that you will have someone come in to be with him, I wonder if someone can come over and just visit with both of you. This way you can form a relationship with this visitor and see how they get along. When they are "getting along", you just leave and let the visitor know that he/she is not to leave until you get back. Always leave an emergency number with this visitor and let him/her know what is going on. This may take several visits before you can actually leave.
The Alzheimer Society may provide such a service.
I do this for a friend of mine whose husband has Alzheimer's. She went to see her friends in Florida for 10 days and I would come over but the only way he would let me in was to bring his favourite food (home made bread). I had been there on a weekly basis some weeks before she went to Florida.
Now that my husband is showing similar symptoms we are a good support to each other. I can still leave my husband by himself.
Wishing you well.

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