Debilitating dread

@1k194

Have you worked with someone to get to the root cause of the way you think and handle stressors?

What is your physical health and social community like?

"Dread" is pretty accurate description of the combination of anxiety and depression that washes over me every morning at about 5 am. This is a non-specific, existential kind of horror that started over two years ago with a cancer diagnosis and a concurrent traumatic break-up. I feel like the life force has been syphoned out of me...

I used to wake up every morning with that dread that wash over me plus I cried so easily , then one day I went into complete meltdown I had never in my life experience anything like that, for a week I was so weak I couldn’t hardly walk across the room plus I couldn’t eat anything. I went to my Dr and he put me on depression anxiety medication it took about 2 weeks before I felt any better that has been 9 years ago and I’m still taking them because I don’t ever want to feel like that again . I don’t particularly like taking them because they mess with my emotions but I weigh the difference of feeling the other way and I manage so much better with the pill . I don’t know if I inherited this or not my mother committed suicide, but I’ve myself have experienced to much trama in my life so that could have brought it on . The other thing that helps me tremendously is my savior Jesus Christ I don’t know if that’s allowed on here but I couldn’t make it without him . I hope you find peace and the right way to cope with that

Thank you all very much. This forum is kinda my last ditch effort to reach out for support.

It seems like every time I try to “get help” I end up feeling even more beat down &/or sorry that I confided.

I have talked to a therapist. I was on antidepressants for a few years. But I feel like I’m just circling the drain; some days nearer the top, some days the bottom.

Things I have &/or am dealing with: dysfunctional family; family history of depression, anxiety, drug abuse, suicide attempts, self harm, personality disorders (I suspect so anyway);
in myself: depression, anxiety, self loathing, self harm, being a weak coward, (i could go on with that thread but won’t). My parents both have degenerative diseases; I try to be caregiver but am falling short.

I know it sounds selfish, but all I want in the world is to live in my house with my husband (the only person I’m hanging in there for) and my fur babies and leave the entire rest of the world behind. But even the joy in those things are being “syphoned” out of me. (like you said esikora). Im angry all the time and can’t feel happiness anymore.

Nothing selfish about wanting to live in peace with your husband and fur babies...
Women,in particular, sometimes feel they must meet some "standard" and get taken advantage of. Then they feel guilty when they get angry...
Peace be with you.

I also have an anxiety disorder and I feel the same dread. I have nightmares. I obsess constantly. I worry about things that happened 20 years ago. I have to tell myself it doesn't matter. But still the thoughts torment me. I took Ativan but my newest psychiatrist told me I was drug addict. So I totally empathize.

One more depressed person. I've had two breakups, the first my husband of 16 years and I had two children to raise alone. The second was. 2years later I just knew I'd grow old with him. Not to be. 23years yes, 23 years later it was over. I was newly retired too and alone. It was horrible. Took me 8 years to normalize again. I sought help, meds prescribed. So much time wasted, am still so lonely. Friends I had have moved or are busy with grandchildren.

I get up in the morning because I can. SAD ! Some actually physically can't I tell myself.
I hope you can turn it all around.

I seriously believe it is genetic to a large degree.

I am feel so angry too! I take meds for depression, anxiety and insomnia. My husband has cancer . COVID triggered all fears and still does .

I have anxiety disorder and depression. That’s awful
your doc called you a drug addict . I am so sorry 😢. I am scared I can’t function without meds . I know my Zolloff has worn off but I am too scared to try something else . My husband had a recent cancer diagnosis. I am a total wreck . I take klonopin . I also need trazodone and Restoril to sleep . I am so scared of cognitive future problems. I have insomnia . It is dreadful way to live . 😢😢😢