1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Do you tell someone with mild cognitive disorder how much they forget?

Posted by cat2023 @cat2023, May 25, 2023

This person still works full time, owns his own company. Diagnosed with mild cognitive disorder and is completely functioning. He forgets quiet a bit and blames others for changing things or doing things behind his back, He doesn't remember telling employees how to handle things and doesn't remember things they may tell him. He then gets mad because he feels they are trying to force him out and to retire. Employees are noticing the changes also. I am his girlfriend, work with him, and his caregiver. Should I to talk to him and explain how much he's really forgetting or does this do more damage? He gets mad and says I'm against him if I don't agree with his decisions or defend what I know others have discussed with him. I've read you shouldn't correct someone with this disease. How do I approach this to keep things at work from getting out of hand? He's 79 years old and not ready to retire as his company has been his life for the past 40 years. I'm at a loss on how to help!!!!

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marye2 | @marye2 | Jul 18, 2023
In reply to @cat2023 "He has seen a doctor and is on two medications. He will not do to a..." + (show)
@cat2023

He has seen a doctor and is on two medications. He will not do to a specialist and is only seeing his family doctor. He has two employees in place to take over the business when he decides to leave, but will not relinquish any type of pertinent information to them at this point.
He was given a test at the first visit and the doctor called it mild cognitive disorder. When we went for a follow up appointment he mentioned dementia but I’m not sure he remembers that.
He also has hallucinations at night but feels he is dreaming. At first they scared him and now he says he just reaches out to grab and move away.
He gets angry when I mention what he’s forgetting although he knows he is forgetting.
I’m just not sure how much I should say to him. We don’t live together and I do think sometimes he may not eat. He can’t always remember what he’s had if I ask him. He can still drive and function on a daily basis. I don't believe he’s ever gotten lost, but doesn’t really travel outside of our area. We do live in a small community and he’s been here all of his life.

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Perhaps a focus on delegating work to his people who will follow so they know the ropes? He might be holding tightly to his position as a small measure of control in the face of changes. Give him time to ponder possibilities without referring to his loss of faculties. My husband throws tantrums when overwhelmed; still trying to figure out how to encourage him to move on and try again later.

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babykay | @babykay | Jul 19, 2023
In reply to @bayviewgal "Im sorry to hear that your family isn't too understanding. You're right when you say you..." + (show)
@bayviewgal

Im sorry to hear that your family isn't too understanding. You're right when you say you didn't ask for this. I always thought that this disease afflicts the elderly, not a 62 yo. and now our life has taking a major detour but we just try to get thru each day the best way we can. Maybe your family isn't too understanding because they don't know much about the disease and they're scared. I believe that what we don't know scares us. I've had my family read a few things about dementia so they now what we're going thru. And until someone is going thru this journey they will never know what the person and their spouse is going thru. It's a very sad situation so i just keep praying daily cuz some days are better than other and at the end of those days I just take a deep breath, smile and thank God.
Hugs and God Bless

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Thanks for your comments. I really appreciate them!
Marilyn

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Teri | @tsc | Jul 19, 2023
In reply to @babykay "I have Frontal Lobe Dementia and my family isn't too understanding and it makes me sad...." + (show)
@babykay

I have Frontal Lobe Dementia and my family isn't too understanding and it makes me sad. I didn't ask to get this

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Hi @babykay, I'm sorry for the pain this causes you at a time when you need support. Some of my father's siblings could not handle his having dementia and it hurt. Some people find it difficult to accept disabilities that are not visible. If you used a wheelchair, your family members might be more sympathetic.
Is there a family member who is more open that you can speak to frankly about your condition, or maybe take to a doctor with you for a briefing? If not, do you have any close friends whom you can take into your confidence?
Before COVID struck, our local Alzheimer's Association, was having weekly meetings for persons with Alzheimer's and dementia and their caregivers. Is there any support like that near you?
I just copied this:
The Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline (800.272.3900) is available around the clock, 365 days a year. Through this free service, specialists and master's-level clinicians offer confidential support and information to people living with dementia, caregivers, families and the public. Contact the Helpline day or night to:
Speak confidentially with master’s-level care consultants for decision-making support, crisis assistance and education on issues families face every day.
Learn about the symptoms of Alzheimer’s and other dementias.
Find out about local programs and services.
Get general information about legal, financial and care decisions, as well as treatment options, etc.
Our professional staff has the knowledge to address a variety of topics:
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dawnfensterbusch | @dawnfensterbusch | Jul 20, 2023

Yes, please tell them……mayb with “self-control”. (One of the fruits of the hole spirit) they can control their memory….just mayb! Don’t make them feel bad with your attitude, but mayb they would want to know….. (I would)

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blessedinsd | @blessedinsd | Jul 20, 2023

I’m so sorry you are having to experience this. It’s not easy to know what will work. If he’s proud of the company he has built then he would probably want to know if his leadership performance was not up to his own standards. It might be easier for someone else to approach the subject. When we started seeing symptoms in my husband, we took it slow, Here’s what we’ve noticed” have you noticed any struggle with technology, or forgetting things?” He agreed I should go to his dr appt with him to take notes. I gently mentioned to the dr that some symptoms were puzzling and a bit scary. Then we listened. We have an advantage of being in a medical family so it was easier to discuss health issues than it would have been say with my dad who didn’t respect doctors. Prayers for this part of your journey. Hang in there.

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