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Adult Grandchildren ungrateful or what?

Posted by Judyinjeans. @judyingenes, Jun 16, 2023

Am I being unreasonable to expect recognition and a simple thank you for gifts sent to adult grandkids? I am so upset right now; I’m almost making myself sick.
I am talking about my younger son’s 2 children who have never sent a thank you (even a texted one) without my son telling them to. His kids are on their own and his daughter just graduated from college. We don’t live near one another but do keep in touch through out the year.
This past 12 months I have sent Christmas and birthday gifts and again no unprompted response! My granddaughter just graduated from college and again no response for a wonderful gift that I sent to her.
Why does this make me so upset? Am I being unreasonable?

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howleegirl | @howleegirl | Jul 13, 2023

Stop doing it!!!! know that will be hard, but I bet that gets their attention.....

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britnoor | @britnoor | Jul 14, 2023

I too would stop sending them gifts until they do what is right. It seems that some younger people take too much for granted nowadays.

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1 reply
Judyinjeans. | @judyingenes | Jul 14, 2023
In reply to @ellagin "It’s a different world today. I’m not saying it’s ok to not send thank you’s for..." + (show)
@ellagin

It’s a different world today. I’m not saying it’s ok to not send thank you’s for gifts. I’m just saying I see this with my adult kids and their grandparents.
Maybe try to think about it differently? ( to help you not to be so upset).
I assume you want to give them gifts? VS feeling “obligated” to give them gifts?
If that’s true, decide if you will continue to give the gifts if some form of “thank you” is not received ie a text, call or card.
Ideas:
If you choose not to send gifts, set aside the funds that you would use to buy them a gift on each occasion in an account or an envelop. Give that money to them at some point that you feel is a good time.
OR
Send them a card in place of gifts: you have remembered them on the occasion but then there is no need for a thank you from them.
I have a feeling you want to give them gifts even if you don’t get a thank you. But I feel since it upsets you terribly, you may need to make some boundaries for your sake.
I’m not aware of you’re proximity to the grandkids? Or if you see them frequently?
I’m not sure why this happens and I know it is thoughtless and hurtful.

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I don't see them at all really. They are in a different state...too far to visit now that I'm older and frankly, they can't afford to come here on their own. But we do talk throughout the year so I can keep up with their lives.

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omta | @omta | Jul 15, 2023
In reply to @britnoor "I too would stop sending them gifts until they do what is right. It seems that..." + (show)
@britnoor

I too would stop sending them gifts until they do what is right. It seems that some younger people take too much for granted nowadays.

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my wife and i are enjoying our 3 Great Grand children
They are such a joy a nd br
ing us a lot of happiness
Your right out Grand children (10) are not grateful seem to take
everything for granted.

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cantbelievethis | @cantbelievethis | Jul 25, 2023

You aren't being unreasonable, they are. Stop sending gifts. If anyone asks why, tell them the truth. You never get a response after sending the gift so you came to believe that perhaps the gifts were "unwanted" so you wanted to do what seemed like the right thing. And use that word..."unwanted". (Even tho you may not believe they are unwanted, it's a gracious way to tell them to *** off.)

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dbmenger | @dbmenger | Jul 31, 2023

Oh my gosh! You too? My adult granddaughters have been given monogrammed stationary but we still have never received one thank-you note on it. We sent birthday cards and checks but now just a card because they irritate me so much.
Their mother sends thank-you notes but says they’re adults so it’s on them.
They remember their grandfather’s birthday but not mine.
Also they’re ungrateful at family Christmas. What’s with this age?
Rude much?

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1 reply
gogiddy | @gogiddy | Aug 1, 2023
In reply to @dbmenger "Oh my gosh! You too? My adult granddaughters have been given monogrammed stationary but we still..." + (show)
@dbmenger

Oh my gosh! You too? My adult granddaughters have been given monogrammed stationary but we still have never received one thank-you note on it. We sent birthday cards and checks but now just a card because they irritate me so much.
Their mother sends thank-you notes but says they’re adults so it’s on them.
They remember their grandfather’s birthday but not mine.
Also they’re ungrateful at family Christmas. What’s with this age?
Rude much?

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Sad isn’t it? My Granddaughters are still young. But I don’t get any Thank you’s from my own Son & DIL I sent them a beautiful Christmas gift and also one to my beautiful Granddaughter who is 9. My DIL won’t even talk to me. I get no thanks from her AT ALL. They didn’t give me a Christmas gift for the past 2 years. I have NEVER spent a holiday with them and they live 2 hrs from me. I haven’t seen my sweet Granddaughter in person for over a year 😞

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1 reply
centre | @centre | Aug 2, 2023
In reply to @gogiddy "Sad isn’t it? My Granddaughters are still young. But I don’t get any Thank you’s from..." + (show)
@gogiddy

Sad isn’t it? My Granddaughters are still young. But I don’t get any Thank you’s from my own Son & DIL I sent them a beautiful Christmas gift and also one to my beautiful Granddaughter who is 9. My DIL won’t even talk to me. I get no thanks from her AT ALL. They didn’t give me a Christmas gift for the past 2 years. I have NEVER spent a holiday with them and they live 2 hrs from me. I haven’t seen my sweet Granddaughter in person for over a year 😞

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I’ve found that if you want to see them, you have to go to them and NOT on the actual Christmas Day or other holiday, unless specifically invited (and no hinting). I call the month before and ask if it’s okay to come the first or second day after a holiday, mention quickly I’ll be making reservations at the local (hotel- I like the Hampton Inns), and and am conscious of no guilt-tripping if they hesitate or the answer is no.
You have to decide what’s most important, seeing them or not seeing them. The easiest and least disruptive for them that you can make the visit, the more likely they are to say,”Yes”, then be on your best behavior- no criticism or advice unless asked, bring a small gift (I bring a nice chocolate selection), be mindful of how early you come and how late you stay, take everyone out to dinner on your last night, don’t complain.
The old days when we were regularly trundled off to Grandma’s house are over. You want to see them, you go there, and figure out how to do it if creativity is necessary. Make yourself a welcome guest.

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1 reply
mikaylar | @mikaylar | Aug 3, 2023

Mine only communicate via text. They think that is sufficient. They don't need to hear my voice like I do theirs. It's different times and very hard to accept.

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davej | @davej | Aug 3, 2023
In reply to @centre "I’ve found that if you want to see them, you have to go to them and..." + (show)
@centre

I’ve found that if you want to see them, you have to go to them and NOT on the actual Christmas Day or other holiday, unless specifically invited (and no hinting). I call the month before and ask if it’s okay to come the first or second day after a holiday, mention quickly I’ll be making reservations at the local (hotel- I like the Hampton Inns), and and am conscious of no guilt-tripping if they hesitate or the answer is no.
You have to decide what’s most important, seeing them or not seeing them. The easiest and least disruptive for them that you can make the visit, the more likely they are to say,”Yes”, then be on your best behavior- no criticism or advice unless asked, bring a small gift (I bring a nice chocolate selection), be mindful of how early you come and how late you stay, take everyone out to dinner on your last night, don’t complain.
The old days when we were regularly trundled off to Grandma’s house are over. You want to see them, you go there, and figure out how to do it if creativity is necessary. Make yourself a welcome guest.

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Before my dad died both parents in their middle 80's would go to events like plays or sports events, they got out of the house and then got to enjoy the event they were watching. Just a side note some of the grandkids freinds have told the grandkids how do you get your grandpa and ma to come see you when I cant even get my mom or dad there? Sometime peer pressure helps.

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