Adult Grandchildren ungrateful or what?

I too agree with posters who note that “things have changed” as far as receiving thank-you in any form from grandchildren. I too now send cards with a gift card inside and do buy some gifts I think will be of interest, but then- I don’t give it another thought. I don’t want to ask for a wish list or be presented with one, seems way too transactional. When they get the gift, they can use it, give it to Goodwill, or toss it in the closet, doesn’t matter to me.
I think part of why “things have changed” with thank-you responses is that- in “our day” gender roles within the marriage were much more defined, most moms didn’t work full time so there was more time and expectation for Mom to teach and oversee that these pieces of courtesy took place. I don’t know the answer except to work at not letting it bother you because it feels worse to “extract” a thank-you. I enjoy just knowing the person has some extra money or a nice something to do what they’d like with it.

I can totally relate to many of the stories, it’s uncanny how many of us are going through the same thing or similar. I’m the grandmother of 4 girls ages 5 to 16 and yes, they thank me for the gift but the parents are behind it that they do. My two sons are not that close to me and sometimes this can affect how much I see them or hear back from them, the older son is not responding to me for his own reasons and this is nothing new but it always affects my relationship with my grandchildren. I never knew my grandparents, my parents were in the holocaust and all their family was killed.. I really felt the void deeply growing up..it was so important to me that I have a friendship with my girls..for the most part my sons try to be considerate but the past number of years they have gone through a lot of stress and it eats into everything. I try to be strong and move forward but I have bad health so I’m fearful that there won’t be enough time.

Just a thought--I've noticed that when I give millennials (daughter, nieces, nephews, friends, and their little kids) a gift I often get back a video clip or a pic. I'm close to two sisters in their forties and if I send one of their girls a cute dress I get back a video clip of her twirling around in it. So maybe thank yous are going virtual? If you'd like that kind of thank you might just ask for it...I think it might be more of a go to in today's world. When my daughter was a young adult she asked me: where does a person get postage stamps? Where do you usually get them? I asked. I take them from your desk, she said. But she's great on email etc.

Your not over reacting! But the situation is common now a days. Things and people just aren’t appreciated like they used to be. Sadly to say but you truly are appreciated and loved but it’s not til we miss something that we appreciate it and that all things like this come with age and experience. Don’t stop cause your creating lovely memories for your grands! Try not to take it personally. Also get involved in some other rewarding activities locally or hobbies or pets that you take a personal interest in and enjoy. Much love and appreciation prayers coming your way my friend.

When I was young, 10 years old until 14 or so, my sister and I woukd visit a convalescent hospital nearby. I don't remember how this started or why. The nurses would direct us to rooms where someone might want a visit. These people were gold, very happy to talk about themselves and impart some life lessons It's sad these grandchikdren and many others are missing out on these loving relationships.
As they say, things are just not the same now with social media and so many distractions.

I truly appreciate all the helpful comments, I don’t feel so alone.. I don’t mean to sound like my family isn’t good people, they are but when you have faced illness that can take your life away you really value every moment …issues come along because they always do but I want to resolve it right away not go through weeks or months of no response… it’s allowing precious time together to get away from you forever.

I have a friend who is my age 92 and both of us have grandchildren, although she has Great Grandchildrenl and Great Great Grandchildren. Consequently, lots of thank you notes are sent by her, and she receives a thankyou telephone calls. The children, are growing rapidly, and she has decided to send Christmas Easter, Birthday gifts all in one card at Christmas with her Phone # and Address. She informs them she is enclosing these numbers, because they may not have current numbers. She does not request any messages, but I think they get the message. She is thinking, if they do not care enough to call and say thank you, next year they may get a card only saying "I am not sure I have the correct address, since I did not hear from you all last year." No gifts until she does get a phone message or card. We do live in very different times, and mothers have much less time to instruct there children in "Courtesy". I guess it is up to Grandparents to give the world a little push in the right direction.
Gina5009

I think it is the way kids are taught now-a-days. I taught my kids to send thank you notes at an early age or at least a phone call to acknowledge you were grateful for the gift. They saw me send thank you notes when they were growing up as I wanted to set an example to them. They are grown adults and they still send thank you notes. That is a blessing to see!

It’s a different world today. I’m not saying it’s ok to not send thank you’s for gifts. I’m just saying I see this with my adult kids and their grandparents.
Maybe try to think about it differently? ( to help you not to be so upset).
I assume you want to give them gifts? VS feeling “obligated” to give them gifts?
If that’s true, decide if you will continue to give the gifts if some form of “thank you” is not received ie a text, call or card.
Ideas:
If you choose not to send gifts, set aside the funds that you would use to buy them a gift on each occasion in an account or an envelop. Give that money to them at some point that you feel is a good time.
OR
Send them a card in place of gifts: you have remembered them on the occasion but then there is no need for a thank you from them.
I have a feeling you want to give them gifts even if you don’t get a thank you. But I feel since it upsets you terribly, you may need to make some boundaries for your sake.
I’m not aware of you’re proximity to the grandkids? Or if you see them frequently?
I’m not sure why this happens and I know it is thoughtless and hurtful.

I feel for you and understand. I'm still waiting for a thank yo u from my grandson's wedding a year ago. What has happened to our children and their children?