Isolation due to stigma of mental illness

@mariajean03
It’s terrible how your parents treated you. I’m sorry you went through that.
I am well familiar with stigma.
I try in a pleasant way (not always successful) when someone makes a cruel comment, to turn that situation into a teaching opportunity.
Sometimes people listen sometimes they don’t. People who make negative comments are ignorant but after explaining some are often appreciative and even apologetic. A man in the steam room made a stigmatizing comment about me having epilepsy. I turned to him and said, “did you enjoy being cruel and hurting me. I shouldn’t have started out talking to him that way, but sometimes when hurt, it’s difficult to react the way you should. I think my comment shamed him with others around and he apologized. He had a misunderstanding about Epilepsy so I explained what it actually is. Embrace the opportunity you have to educate people about your condition.
But the isolation issue, in my opinion is a choice you choose to make.
You must accept your condition for what it is. Stay positive and and don’t let others negatively affect you.
I won’t let others bring me down. I decided long ago names and mean comments can only hurt me if I allow them to.
Some people use such opportunities to make themselves feel more important than you. You’re as good as anyone else so get out there and enjoy life.
Here is a link re: stiga from Mayo Clinic.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health/art-20046477
There is so much misinformation out there, I feel a responsibility to do my share to educate and help eliminate stigma. I hope you join me.
STAY POSITIVE,
Jake

@jakedduck1 I loved your response and advise to @mariajean03. What a positive way to handle situations and put it back on the court of the offender. And, Maria, so sorry for what you’ve had to endure!! The stigma is really based on lack of knowledge and fear on their part. Beyond that, I can imagine when you’re “not doing well “ as compared to when you are managing a little better, it would be difficult to stand up for yourself because their are times when we are more vulnerable than others. So, when you’re feeling pretty good, start there with trying out what Jake suggested. It will instill confidence and bit by bit the whole process should become easier overtime. Wishing you the best Maria!!

I have a dear family member with severe OCD/depression/anxiety and it is tormenting. I can't tell you the antidepressants they had to go through and anti-anxeity meds to find the right fit. Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Cognitive therapy, etc., They give 100 percent to everything they do and their career keeps their mind occupied and they are an excellent employee. They eat healthy & work out. They have told me exercise helps them greatly with their anxiety. They have a deep faith in the Lord. Fish Oil (Omega 3) was recommended to them as it helps the brain. They have helped others that battle depression & anxiety in ways that no one else could have that didn't battle it. I have learned much from them. OCD is just not simply a germ phobia....it's a lot of things. I support them, love them and pray for them and my heart goes out to them. I see the sadness in their eyes at times. People can say cruel things. Shame on them. People will never get what anyone goes through until they have it themselves. This person is beautiful inside and out and contributes so much to this world. I admire them greatly. I have seen the meltdowns, the extreme lows, the broken record in the brain that will not shut down, etc., It's torment, but, they fight it and keep moving forward. God Bless everyone that battles any kind of depression/anxiety/OCD or other emotional disorder. Praying for you all. Hugs & Prayers....

What you’ve gone through is awful. I can understand my son is experiencing the same feelings about his bipolar.
I don’t know what the answer is but I will pray for you as I pray for my son.
God Bless

Thank you for your contribution here.

It helps me - and hopefully others - to appreciate the depth of feeling, the layer upon layer of efforts - day upon day, sometimes moment to moment - to strive on, move ahead, even hoping to thrive, maybe even enjoy! what there is in life. And to do it while helping others, being a conscientious member of society, all while struggling internally with all you've described,

And for myself and my family member, dealing in addition with the lifelong burden and weight of fundamental family issues that will never go away and are (and were) embedded in us in our early development.

Thank you - on behalf of all of us (if I may) bearing this unrelenting weight - for SEEING the struggle. Struggling alone, with little or no validation from those closest to us, is a very costly, unrelenting burden.

As I've said in the past on less weighty subjects, but applies here - "Onward!"

Again, thank you for seeing - and acknowledging - the struggle.

@mariajean03 The responses you have seen are definitely speaking from the heart! I never thought of my upbringing as a hindrance until much later; to me, it was what was normal in our family, so I had nothing to reference it to. My mother suffered from her own mental instability, which went untreated. Again, we just took it as normal, as it was what we experienced everyday. It was years later that I realized and came to understand my own mental health challenges. It has taken a lot of self-reflection, hard work with therapy, anti-depressants, journaling and being open to be the best I can be. Do things still present some roadblocks for me? Oh, yes! Muddling on everyday, and thanking you for being vulnerable to bring this topic up.
Ginger

Honored my friend. Blessings & Prayers...

Ginger - If you could elaborate, how did you know your "mother suffered from her own mental instability" when, as you describe it, you had grown up taking it as "normal"....?

I completely understand if you don't want to elaborate, or need to do so only generally, but I do risk asking because this is an area where I struggle to understand my own mother's condition - if there is one that could be identified, (let alone understood, without her involvement). Since I was first introduced to the concept of narcissism around 2000, I've believed both of my parents suffered as narcissists - likely one overt, one covert.

As my dear mother is advanced in years and so I've decided I don't want to address this openly with her at this point; I think it would only open up too much pain and likely would not resolve anything enough to make a difference at this point (though I'll always probably retain at least a 5% hope that all could be laid out, cleared up, resolved and forgiven).

My sister survived her attempt, and I'm still hoping for a better future for both of us, even though my own identity is stuck / lost because I am no longer working and cannot seem to get out of a complete lack of motivation and inability to identify specific goals at this point.

So, these days, any insights from others here at Mayo Clinic Connect really are the backbone of my hope for growing beyond this malaise.

Thank you - and to anyone else who cares to share - how they identify/ied more specifically the mechanics of their family environment, and what works/ed for them - and what doesn't - to get themselves beyond all this...on the inside...I'm not thriving, I'm not even striving.

Best to all who travel here...

My Ma was a covert narcissist. She was a school teacher and had the world convinced she was the best teacher they had. At home as an only child she controlled every aspect of my life. She did not allow me to have friends so at 61 I’ve never even had a boyfriend, much less an intimate sexual relationship. She programmed me from infancy to respond to her”look”. My 1st grade teacher couldn’t get me to talk. By my senior year in high school I was SO terrified of people I could not look anyone in the eye. She was abusive to my Dad and taught me to be. I did not know anything different. They both are dead now after the state DHS APS said I was incapable of caring for them in any manner. I had Power of Attorney but the state wanted their money. They put a guardianship in place and I lost all inheritance, even life insurance my Dad had for me. I lived with trauma all my life then the state of TN took more of my life away. I exist with guilt, shame, stigma and I am alone with no human interaction. By my faith in God I survive. I’m glad my mother is dead.

@brandysparks it wasn't until much later in life, as an adult, that I was able to distance myself and look at how we were as a family. My mother was a pretty unhappy person. To the outside she was a dynamite, with worthy causes she believed in/campaigned for. Never once did I ever hear her tell me she loved me. As a teenager in high school, a friend of hers understood there was a lot of strain and friction, and took me under her wing, showing me positive attention. There have been a few times one sibling and I have spoken about how the household was growing up, compared notes, and concluded how our mother's insecurities and instabilities affected things. Even our father said, after her death, that he understood there were issues but it was not something he could successfully address.
Ginger