Caregivers need emotional support too

As a caregiver to my husband who was diagnosed with PNet in September of 22 and found out that he has had it since 2014 undiagnosed until September when they removed a benign mass from his colon but found suspicious spots on his abdominal wall.

When he was 1st diagnosed (before the oncologist got all his records and found out how long he had actually had this cancer) his oncologist said that this was a slow growing cancer and my husband would have between 2 to 5 yrs. Well at age 75 we were ok with that. Fast forward to about a month and a half later and they did a galiaum scan and got his medical records from baptist downtown NOW they have the full picture.

I asked the oncologist "now that you have the full picture of the cancer history and progression, what is your prognosis" he looked at me odd. I said well you did say 2 to 5 yrs when we first met with you, now that you know its stage 4 whats the prognosis,(I wanted to prepare both my husband and I), The doctor replied " I dont like to assign numbers, it can hurt the patients outcome or give them false hope"! I was thinking, you were quick to throw out numbers before you knew the full story.

I am still working and dealing with a back injury and fighting workers comp and all the bills this disease brings. I feel horrible because I cant be home with him as I watch him slip further and further away from me. My shift leaves me about 2 hrs before work (if he is awake) and about 2 to 3 hrs after before we both go to bed but he his usually dosing in his chair so not so much quality time.

I had to tell him that we could not afford to rent a convertible he wanted to rent to take day trips, when I take off next month for a week because of all the bills. NOW I feel like I just took away the last thing he really wanted to do. How do I deny him that even if its at my own peril.

I no longer spend time doing things I love well we both love because I am just bone tired and so is he usually. He can not take too much cold and I cant take heat due to my heart so it leaves very little common ground since anything below 82 seems to make him cold nowdays.

Having someone who truly understands without feeling like I want something from them other then someone to talk to is non existant. Most of our "friends" have disappeared, no calls, texts etc

I cant really talk about things with my husband because it worries him or upsets him when he is altered so I just hide away and cry but put on a game face for everyone else. Who do caregivers have to help us??

To anyone who met my husband today you wouldnt think he was in too bad of shape but if you REALLY know him, you see it. Even our new doc who has only seen him about 3 times noticed his altered state and will be testing him next month at his next visit. Its subtle changes in his moods and behavior or his ability to recall things or even do simple tasks that were once his strong suit like math in the check book. I started to get concerned about this when he messed up the checking account 2 months in a row (totally out of character) but when the 3rd month left him confused about how to fix his mistake even though I was using the simplest explanation possible that I realized the cancer may have now spread to his brain too. It started in his pancreas but went undiagnosed at that time when he had a mass removed along with his spleen. Now it is in his liver with "too numerous to count tumors" and on his abdominal wall where it was 1st detected. UGH

CANCER SUCKS