Feeling lonely and crying

I’m so sorry; I too have experienced ur situation/feelings and been trudging along for a couple of yrs now. Only difference, I moved from the south to central. Yes totally different culture. There are more social activities yet I feel it would b more enjoyable w/company. Despite trying my best I also have found it hard to start new friendships so maybe we can b long distance friends…?

Hi. Where are you from in the south? I just moved two weeks ago to North Carolina. It will be difficult to make new friends. It never was easy for me and the older I get the harder it is. My neighbor came over yesterday and brought me cookies. She seems like she may be the neighborhood gossip, I dare say. She asked too many questions and wanted to know where I would be going to church, if I had a church, etc. I come from Midwest and that is too personal to me. Is that normal?

@lindasmith1222. I find your question about asking about your church to be amusing. When I moved to Fargo, North Dakota in the 1980’s it seemed like most everyone I met asked me what church I went to. I never knew what to say as I’m Jewish and I joined the one and only synagogue in Fargo. Anyway, this was my introduction to living in the Midwest. I now live in Michigan and I don’t recall anyone asking me that question.

I’ve been “accused” of asking too many questions. I do that because I love to learn about people and their lives. I don’t do that when I first meet someone though.

Hmm. Maybe she is the neighborhood gossip. It’s nice of her to welcome you to the neighborhood but until you get to know your neighbors better I suppose it makes sense to decide how much you want to tell anyone at this point.

Like you, I find that the older I get the harder it is to make new friends.

Lived in TX, very close to Mexico border for over 30 yrs all the while trying to escape and blaming my family because I couldn’t. I’ve always based all decisions on whatever direction family is going; is THAT normal, a cop-out ? Just now at 72 have the resources to b able to travel but now lack the courage to venture out alone. Guess I’d better do something soon; health does nothing but decline from this point. Visited NCarolina - beautiful ! Appreciate ur input

NC is beautiful. I am 71. When I look back, my family directed most if not all my decisions. As a child, I remember wanting to never marry and just travel. Maybe live in New York City! My parents had other plans for me. I couldn't go to college because I was just supposed to find a man, marry, have children and the man would take care of me. What a line of bull that was! Now I don't blame my family anymore because I was a victim of the times and the social & cultural expectations for women in general. I 'blame' myself for not having enough rebellion in me. Oh, I did rebel but paid a heavy price for it every time I did. So, I fell in line eventually. I nursed both my parents until they died. That was my role. After they died, I got to know finally who I am. My family calls me selfish for being this way. Doesn't bother me. They can call me whatever they want. I have little to do with them. I love to travel. Health does keep me from traveling. I don't like to travel alone, but I will be at the end of this month. I have thought about going on a cruise by myself and meeting people on a cruise. I hope this helps.

I sure would love to have friends where we each find the other's company not only a brief pleasant encounter -- though often it will start that way -- ultimately we want deeper engaging meaningful connection where we could trust the other with our deepest concerns whether they happen to be personal, about neighborhood, country or the world and life itself. For this reason I attend lectures in libraries where you have already a common interest as a starting connecting idea. But we also all like different things and that makes us More interesting, especially if you too are interested to explore that area. In other words we need to be Authentic, beyond being pleasant, to deepen connections.
I have gone to meetup.com groups and I know they hold periodic meetings and one can join with others with similarly inclined hobbies and pastimes or discussions.
I am also going to post an ad in a local newspaper for people to band together and exchange how they maintain healthy lifestyle, an in interest that I practice and enjoy daily. I often do stairs in my apartment building even with ten lbs of groceries walking up and down as many floors (today I did seven fllors and I was panting after four but continued for another three and I checked my heartbeat: 12 in five seconds on a 8 decades old frame. I do not use any meds and have some pain sometimes in my knees but I do lots of stretching, strengthening, twisting just about every day. Feels good to have restful sleep and aiming for a purposeful life which gives me direction for each day too.
We can eat well, be active, even use our mental and emotional faculties but we also need good friends to laugh with and share our vulnerabilities. I sure do. And that's why I spend nine times the effort to find one in my neighborhood and only brief amount to share some general info here at Mayo. I really do wish us all healthy enjoyable connections.

Your instinct may be right about her position in the community. Best not to entertain her curiosity much. The question about the church is a Southern thing. At some point, she might invite you to her church and so she is trying to find out if you have found a church home yet, or if you go to church. (There seems to be a preoccupation with pseudo-religion down south). Welcome to NC, I also live in NC. Originally from NYC. It takes some getting used to but it is also a beautiful state with mountains to the West and beaches at the other end. Just take your time and find things you like to do and maybe you will find others and make new friends. Just do not feel obligated or motivated to do so for a cookies.

I am backing off from neighbor until I get more clarity. She asked me what my beliefs are. I was raised Lutheran Missouri Synod. Not a Lutheran Church close by (I probably won't go back to Lutheran.) She did invite me to her church. 10:30 Sundays. I lived amongst the Apache Nation in Arizona. Although I am a Christian, I have what some might look at as bizarre practices. I told her I consider myself spiritual thus open to learning different belief systems. That is where that conversation ended. Thank you very much as I need help with NC etiquette. I want to assimilate. I am not about changing anything here because NC is a beautiful state and I like the people. I look forward to exploring NC!

There is a site called NCTripping that might help give you some idea of what events, according to interests might help. I can not post website links s so you will have to do an internet search. I think you can subscribe to it and it will give you some ideas, etc. often. Good Luck and welcome to North Carolina!

Thank you!