Soiling and smearing poop: Need advice on what I can do

@buggirl55 Oh, I know you have your hands full. I found this helpful blog post (not scholarly, but very helpful) that may give you some good ideas.
https://makedementiayourbitch.com/dementia-poop-how-to-avoid-accidents-and-stop-smearing/
It is common for those with dementia to start soiling themselves and everything around them. Maybe your dad could give you an estimate of what time this usually happens and you can figure some strategies from there
You might also ask around about family medical leave.
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fmla/general-guidance
This would give you the needed time to observe what is happening and to discuss, with others, some solutions.
Is this a possibility for you?

OMG....This scares me. I am so worried for what we might have in front of us. Tonight we watched a show about Queen Victoria and Prince Albert and I told my husband of 55 years that it reminded me of us and our love for each other. And then he asked me, "Did we ever get married? This hurt me more than my words can express. I never imagined that we would have to go through this. This is Hell. Unless you have lived through this experience you really can't understand.

@katrina123. So sorry. It’s so hard. Hugs. My mom said tonight about my dad if 65+ years “we’re married?”

She goes all the time it appears. No set schedule. I am here my dad isn’t helpful. So I am doing the Checking of soiled diaper or pads

I'm there with you. My husband & I celebrated 50 years in November. But now has Capgras & doesn't know I'm his wife. But he's "come to like me" & "maybe we should get married." So I hear you & feel your pain.

We go through this almost every night when we get into bed! My husband thinks I'm some girlfriend or date! It's so sad, no matter how much I love him and do for him completely on my own. He doesn't know "it's me"!

@buggirl55 Have you given any thought to short-time respite care at a nursing home? Maybe two weeks. Then you and your dad can have some good talks. And, who knows, your mother may settle in and feel comfortable.
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/what-respite-care
Can you think about it?

Even when my husband no longer recognized me, he would ask about me by name. I knew it was still me he loved. If he asked when “she” was coming, I’d just answer, “very soon”. Sometimes I’d say she’s around here somewhere. He’d go through the house calling for me & when he came back into the room, I said “Here I am” and he was content.
Early in the process, I told him that if he ever couldn’t remember me, I hoped he would still like me and he did, often saying “ You’re a good woman.”
So are you, katrina123. He’s doing the best he can and you are too. One day at a time.