A Change Has Come

Thank you all. and in reply to @IndianaScott . My sister used to work for Adult Protective Services and she is aware of my situation with "Joyce," and has provided me with some sage advice. I will add that Adult Protective Services in the county in which I live is lacking in resources, and unless Joyce was being abused in some fashion, they would not do anything about her situation. Joyce is able to prepare a simple meal for herself, get herself dressed and things of that nature. She calls me every morning so I can ensure she gets up. However, lately she is forgetting to call me, so I call her. If I do not get an answer, I either wait or go over to her apartment to make sure she is okay. The last time I did this, I had to break down the door because she had one of those useless chain type things that "secure" doors. Not anymore.

There are many dynamics involved which I have not yet posted here, but may do so at some point. I am taking a break from her this weekend when I go to visit my sister for a few days, and I have arranged for another friend of Joyce's to step in and come over each evening to take care of the things that I normally do for her. This break will give me some time to myself and focus on an art show I am having.

Joyce does have a car, but is no longer driving. Yes, she has the key; however, the battery on this new car is dead, a result of the fact that Joyce did not understand how to start the car, would not allow me to start it for her , and in attempting to do so too many times, she drained the battery. I have spoken to her friend that purchased the car, and she plans to take the car back to the dealership and sell it back to them. Good. She offered to give me the car, but I do not want a car, and certainly do not want to be in the same car with Joyce because of my prior experiences as a passenger.

I suspect that Joyce's POA has chosen to ignore me because she may be afraid I am going to ask her for money, which I would never do. I mentioned that the POA was quite wealthy, and this is very true. Her resources are unlimited. I might add that the POA is in fact, an attorney herself. She knows the score so to speak. In fact, this woman has a sister currently in a memory care center because of her own dementia. I will however, write her a detailed letter spelling out the situation. I highly doubt that I will get a response, and here's why: she has a "small" check sent to Joyce each month as a little extra money (a paltry sum if you ask me), and she also buys and delivers Joyce a case of Ensure each month, but she never stays long enough to visit with and catch up with Joyce. Thus, her own denial of the situation is very strong.

I am certainly not going to abandon my friend, and I will find a way to continue to help her, but with some limitations, especially now. The upcoming break for a few days could not have come at a better time.

I thank you all for the valuable input you have given to me. I have been so afraid to post anything about Joyce because I didn't want to come across as whiny or sounding like I am not grateful for all of the things that my friend has done for me. As I mentioned, she has been a huge part of my life, and I have no intention of abandoning her. However, I get it that I need to find a happy medium and will do just that.

One thing that has stopped me from making any final decisions on this matter is guilt because of the kindness and generosity that Joyce has shown to me over the past ten plus years. She was my best friend and confidant. She "bailed me out" on more than one occasion when I came up short at the end of the month, and she has been an overall positive influence in my life. I think all of you understand. My health aside, I care very much about Joyce and her well being. However, I know that if I cannot take care of myself, I will be unable to take care of my friend.