How to move on with my life

Call your local Aging and Disability Resource Center. They can provide help. They have staff who are accustomed to resistant patients.
It sounds like your mental exhaustion will lead you to not be able to care for him. Tell him this. Then, call in for help. Let the staff speak to him on your behalf. I feel for you. Taking care of you first will help both of you, so you do not burn out.

Good morning @greatwhitenorthgal I completely understand where you are coming from, as I take care of my 84 year old friend who now has dementia, and naturally our friendship has changed drastically. I am now in this parent/caregiver position that I am not feeling especially happy about, probably because I have the patience of an ant. But because of her kindness and generosity over the past 10 years, I feel a sense of obligation to help her even at the expense of my own well being.
I have found both music and art to be helpful to me, as well as walking. Sometimes one has to step outside of their reality to escape, and I am doing this more often. I have my own health issues to deal with, and know that if I can't help myself then I am no use to her. I will not tell you to get outside help, although that has been somewhat helpful to me. Is there anything you enjoy doing, like writing, music or art? Check out this quote I found today on themargolian, a very good site with many uplifting stories and deep inspiration. 'There are more things … likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality." This is a quote from Seneca, and it caught my eye today.

It sounds like you are afraid to go against your father's wishes. But right now, you have no other choice. Anything that happens now, and any way that things go, are going to displease him no matter what, so you have to sort of take that out of your calculations. You both need outside help. At this point, you are the adult in the situation, and you need to make those difficult decisions, whether it pleases him or not, because it is in his best interest.
The people in this line of work are very familiar with the kinds of situations you are describing. Your observation that your father has become a different person is spot-on and it happens to other people with these conditions, too, more than you know. It will come as no surprise to staff at agencies in your area to hear about what's been going on. You do not need to handle this all alone. Please reach out for some help!

That sleep deprivation you are experiencing can catch up with you and cause some very serious mental health problems-- I should know, as I've been there.

Your dad (the person your dad was) would not want you to have to go through this. Even if he hates it and even if he says he hates you (like a teenager or a toddler would), you need to get all the help you can. Is there an extra bedroom in the home? It may sound far fetched, but if someone else were living there, for free or reduced rent in exchange for helping with your father's care, that may help give you some peace of mind. A classmate? A retired person? Put an advertisement out locally? Where I live, housing is hard to find and expensive, so it wouldn't be very hard to find someone to do this, but where you are things may be different. And you must get past giving so much weight to your dad's opposition to this kind of thing. He is not in his right mind and needs you to make these decisions for him; that's what the POA is for.

Unfortunately, we are renting this house and the only extra bedroom now is really a storage room for our lifelong memories. I also don't know how I would feel about a stranger living in the house as well as trusting one with my frail father's health. I know there are professionals trained to do these things and I have no idea how much they cost, but I can't imagine that it's cheap!

The stroke was completely unpredicted, of course. So everything that is happening now and the stuff I need to plan for feels like a ton of bricks just fell on top of me. It's confusing, especially not knowing where to start or who to turn to. I've reached out to a local community and health service organization explaining the situation and I will see what they respond with.

I'm going to be blunt here, please forgive me: the stuff in that bedroom is special, but it is not worth more than your sanity. It can be parceled out to other rooms and pushed into corners and some of it can even stay in there. I understand your reluctance to have a stranger living there; that's always a stressful change. But maybe that stress would be the lesser of two evils as things are most likely only going to get more difficult with your dad. Ditto for whatever it may cost to get some paid help, if it comes down to that (if whatever free services may be available aren't enough). I hope you can find some help locally. I feel sad that you are mortgaging your youth trying to take on this responsibility.

It sounds like he's no longer capable of making rational choices, so you will have to. Think of what you'd do with a two-year old who wanted to poke a fork in an outlet. Would you let him? Of course not. He might holler and cry big tears, but you'd know you were the grown up and knew what you were doing. Same with your dad. He's no longer the boss of you. It's difficult when the roles get reversed but don't feel guilty for doing what's necessary, no matter how your dad feels about it. This is too much for you to do alone.

@greatwhitenorthgal First, I really like your username...how creative! I don't really have any good advice for you. But I see a couple of people wrote some ideas. I wonder if someone could come over and see you and acclimate to your father before you can leave them alone with him. I saw you are a college student (I am a college administrator)...maybe a student at the college can help? Students out of social work, nursing, gerontology might need some service experience. Unfortunately, I do not have a good answer, but will send you a hug nevertheless.

I need some help. My sister put her 73 year old husband in assisted living last spring. I’ve been staying with her for three weeks as I’m recovering from a huge blow to my head. I came to her house to recover and to try to convince her not to sell the house and move to a location closer to where her husband lives. The facility has another location 5 minutes from where she lives. Her two kids, who hate me, are pressuring her to move. I’ve only told my sister that she lives in a very nice neighborhood, is involved with her community and that at her age it would be hard to find nice neighbors etc. I fear that she will not only become more depressed but also isolated. I made the mistake, because of my concussion, of speaking to her adult son who agreed with me, but then called his mother and told her that I was saying bad things about him and his sister, who is behind the whole thing. This resulted into a very ugly argument with my sister, and I’ve now decided to extract myself from the situation. I’ve never had an argument with her, and she said some very awful and hurtful things to me: “ it’s your fault that you don’t have a family….” All of my “ family “ members this I’m a freak because I’m an artist and writer who in the past had two bad relationships with women. The kids never help my sister and I’m the only person who she asks for help. I’ve decided to let go and focus on my own health issues, which makes her uncomfortable ( IVIG twice a month for primary immune deficiency) and I feel like I never want to visit her again. I told her that in the end, she is the only person who can make a decision. I’ve told her that she is lucky to have great neighbors, afford her dream house and that if she moves, it will be extremely costly and her kids will not help her prepare for moving. My brother in law has dementia, zero memory and would never know the difference if he moved to the location that is 5 minutes away from her home. In fact, her neighbor across the street from her has a wife at the same location and “ I thought “ that the two of them could get out and visit their spouses together. My sister needs a lot of help emotionally, but she will never get the help she needs. I understand she is very angry especially because this is the first holiday without her husband and she is very depressed and almost immobilized. Sadly her kids are not very helpful, but I can only do so much for her. She used to be my rock, but after staying with her , I never want to come back. Does anyone blame me? Thank you. I’m sorry I have not been active on this site, but I’m really having issues related to my head injury. Happy holidays