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My journey as a husband supporting my wife’s mastectomy decision
Caregivers | Last Active: Apr 30, 2023 | Replies (142)Comment receiving replies
Survey "Do I look?"
I would like to do a survey from the women on here.
History: Nancy's double mastectomy has taken an unplanned path. The right side is doing great while the left side has had several setbacks. The end result is the right side is proceeding as planned the left side no longer has its expander and will have to wait till next year for reconstruction. She will proceed with radiation on the left side. After it is done and all healed up they will come back and do reconstruction to the left side. She has become very conscientious how it looks. We have been married 30 years and I am not going anywhere. Her appearance bothers her more than it does me. She now hides it from me. I've told her she didn't have to but she does anyway.
Survey question: Do I avoid looking at her chest and let her continue hiding her scars, hills, and valleys from me? Or should push her to not hide it from me knowing I love her for who she is? I am favoring not hiding it because I don't like her thinking that it makes a difference to me.
Jerry
Replies to "Survey "Do I look?" I would like to do a survey from the women on here...."
@gpigford You know, it really doesn’t matter what we think; it only matters what your wife thinks. She has gone through a very difficult medical procedure and it’s expected to last several more months. Let her take the lead. What you can do, though, is to buy her some new summer shirts (with sleeves, please). New clothes are always a booster.See if there are any mastectomy counselors in your area. The surgeons office may have names. These consultants can help your wife with prothsetic bras so she will feel comfortable going. Here is an example of what a post-mastectomy consultant can do to help your wife. I don’t know where you live, but I think if you call them, they will be able to help you with locations.
https://www.carehomemedical.com/post-mastectomy-consultation
Can you call them on Monday and then let me know what you learn?
I believe she should make the decision as to how much she wants you to see. BUT, your job is to continue to tell her how much you love her, and how much you will always love her. Support her in her decisions, give her a hug and kiss whenever she will allow it and find things that are not related to her breast to find wonderful and beautiful about her. (How much you all depend on her for her continuing love and care, and concern). Tell her she makes everyone around her happy, and how much better their lives are because of her.
GINA5009
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Jerry, @gpigford, I'm sorry to hear that your wife's care plan has had some setbacks and that she is facing complications. That must be so disheartening for both of you. At this time she needs your continued support as you are giving her and to follow her lead.
You're asking the right questions. But you should ask your wife these questions and not put out a "survey" to the community. Every person is different.
The answers you may receive here are not going to give you the benefit of the caring and compassionate conversation you can have with your wife. Let her know that her body changes do not change your love for her. AND respect her decision if she chooses to dress in the dark. She (and you) need to time to adjust to all the changes and to evolve as healing and acceptance continues.
Follow her lead.