Is being mentally numb at all normal?

Everything you have felt (or not felt) is completely normal. I alternate between crying when I read some of the posts here and feeling very detached as if I’m reading about something that has nothing to do with me. I do have some side effects of anastrozole and some days I don’t feel very well but-my hair is okay(oddly that was my biggest concern). This site is a wonderful place and I am so grateful to all you you!

I fully understand and can relate to your comments. I started this journey by finding the lump myself (missed my mammograms in 19 & 20 (Covid caused my appt to be cancelled - then I just forgot). I never told my husband until I had the actual dx. I love my husband, but he deals in facts; and my what if's frustrate him - so I just didn't tell him until I knew what was going on. I did all tests and dealt with everything on my own - oddly I was able to detach myself from all this happening to me. I researched information - made notes and questions as more information became more specific about my dx I was able to make my notes and questions more refined. First they thought lump was suspicious after mamo and ultrasound--informed probably BC, then needle biopsy performed - TNBC dx, then because I had ovarian cancer in my 30's BRCA test, I'm BRCA2+. At this point chemo is a given; bilateral is recommended; after surgery radiation is then recommended. That is all behind me, now I wait to see if I have to take maintenance med for a while. Throughout all this I never asked "why me" and the first and only time I cried was looking at myself in the mirror after bilateral surgery (I went flat - at 69, don't need them). I still look at myself in the mirror and somehow the face is mine but the body isn't - in my head the image still doesn't register. But there are still times when I ask myself did this really happen - I know it's not over; but man an awful lot happened in a short amount of time - BUT I'M STILL HERE.

I think many of us that join Mayo Clinic Connect is to find similarities of our own journey and our own peace with our individual treatment plans.
How each of us deal with our DX is unexpected even to ourselves.
After a year out of surgery, I rarely look back at the 8 rounds of chemo pre surgery, 25 rounds of radiation, and 14 more rounds of preventative chemo (I made 11 rounds).
I never cried once, I choose to only tell my immediate family and worked through my year of courageous treatment that saved my life.
My kids and family were amazing through my treatment we spent so much time living “normal”
My faith and great medical treatments and amazing Doctors took all the weight of any emotion I may have carried.
I feel strong, positive and continue to surprise myself by moving ahead with my “new normal” with the same confidence I always had for myself!
It is ok to be “you” when you meet a challenge that we never knew how we would react.
Courage to all!

Hi, I see you had 11 of 14 of maintenance. Was this kadcyla? Would you mind sharing why you didn’t finish and how long ago this was? I’m her2+ as well and did round 8. Dr delayed treatment due to radiation pneumonitis. I’m worried about the what ifs due to this delay or if I can’t continue it.

I too was on Kadcyla and finished 13 of the 14 rounds. My liver function tests came back too high to continue. My oncologist stopped treatment at that time. I'm not concerned.

@happytrouble
Your reactions are so normal!
I was diagnosed 31 years ago- still here.
My doctor was really upbeat: Congratulations - you have breast cancer ! We can treat that!!
I think our brains protect us against overwhelming emotions. I got busy making appointments etc. Had to see Plastic surgery etc. before the surgery date.
Took a couple of weeks off work, only told a couple of people.
I don’t remember crying- I wanted to appear normal in front of the 3 children.
Chemo was tough and I decided to work 2 weeks and chemo 2 weeks.
However, once a year afterwards I would suddenly get emotional and crying- until recently- when I was due for mammograms.

I also feel "stuck in limbo". I have not been motivated to do yoga or any exercise other than walking my dog. I read breast cancer medical sites and personal stories all day. I want to make travel plans to see my family this summer but am waiting for insurance to authorize radiation treatment to begin. Then I start AI with Arimidex. Then I need my repeat MRI/ultrasound in late June. My family's group vacation begins July 1, but I can't even book my flight back east until these other things get scheduled. Physical and mental limbo with no motivation. I don't think I'm alone in this.

@dyevooshka
You are definitely not alone feeling the way you do.
We are suddenly thrown into a different orbit where everything is new and frightening.
For now, take a day at a time until you have a more definite schedule. Enjoy your walks with your dog for now. Spring is here. One day at a time.

I have felt the same way as you—I had no idea how a cancer diagnosis suddenly takes your immediate future away (it bothers me more than contemplating how much longer I have to live!). There are so very many appointments and tests and so much waiting. I was diagnosed just as I was about to buy a ticket to fly to my hometown to deal with pressing family issues and so decided not to go but when I got most of my appointments and tests behind me and was told that they couldn’t schedule surgery for another week, I just went for it! I knew that I’d be in no shape to take the trip after surgery so I just stopped agonizing over it all and bought the ticket—-and paid up the nose for it (try to avoid that!). Anyway, it was good to be transported away and think about other things! Ha! But I do have a word of caution! After spending the day with my daughter and grandchildren there, one of them was diagnosed with Covid! I was petrified that I’d get it or that my exposure to it would cause my surgery to be postponed. I was sure glad that I was fully vaccinated. My surgery is behind me now and I’m waiting for the pathology reports and for my appointment with my medical oncologist (ugh, in three long weeks!) to learn what my treatment going forward will be. I’m really glad I made that trip. I want to say that I hope you’ll indulge yourself and go ahead and see your family, but I know it’s a tough decision. Wishing you the best.

I just got cut off on my comment! I am long-winded! So...happy to be out of limbo! On day #8 out if 16 days of radiation, slathered day and night in AQUAPHOR and wearing old bras and shirts that don't mind the oil stains(beware!). My husband tells his friends who ask " She's a trouper, doing her research, keeping in touch with lots of supportive friends and always on support websites, going to her appointments. She's great!" I do feel pretty confident now that I'm moving! I start LIVESTRONG! a free, national program for cancer survivors at the YMCA...1 1/2 hours twice a week for 12 weeks and free use of all facilities during those weeks! Look it up! I got brave and booked our plane tickets CA- NY for the month of July and hope to do any doctor visits, labs, scans, before and after that month with family. So there!💞