1. < Depression & Anxiety

Hopeless Lethargy

Posted by northwoodboy @northwoodboy, Mar 30, 2023

I and 65 and have had clinical depression for over 25 years. Much of that time my symptoms of depression were controlled by Venlaflaxine and Remeron.

In late 2021 and early 2022 I had a series of negative experiences which resulted in an extended depressive episode. My psychiatrist kept increasing dosage levels, adding Quetiapine none of which helped. I decided I had to do something different and decided I wanted to try psilocybin. I had to wean myself off the drugs over a period of months and I bought the Fisher Wallace stimulator as a way to hopefully mitigate a new depression attack. It actually seemed to work quite well for most of the time I was coming off my drugs but then I had a series of other negative events which brought on another major depressive episode I am now dealing with. I have a psilocybin session scheduled but the practitioner has delayed it because she is concerned it will have a limited effect until my body fully adjusts to not being on the drugs. This week in desperation I started to microdose psilocybin but have not felt any effects and that makes me feel the practitioner is right about my needing to wait. Meanwhile I am struggling daily with death ideation/hopelessness and other fun stuff. I am alone and in a new apartment which has definitely added to my sense of desperation.

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sharing | @sharing | Apr 6, 2023
In reply to @brandysparks "OMG you have really helped me - esp. at the end of a 2-day deep downward..." + (show)
@brandysparks

OMG you have really helped me - esp. at the end of a 2-day deep downward dive.
Your sharing uour thoughts & experience
via this post gives me hope, at least for this evening.
Thank you, and sending more good vibes your way too.

Jump to this post

You bet! I’m glad I helped a little. I just find myself having to give myself little mental checkups (I don’t think, after working for a mental health practice, that there is much they can do except to guide you to (hopefully) better choices but I left sessions feeling like I gained nothing except learning that they are human just like us and that WE have to do the real work….trying to look at things differently, NOT always apologizing to everyone, etc.

I think there’s nothing wrong with ignoring the usual chores at times and when those times suddenly come out of nowhere…..you owe it to yourself to not blame yourself and to BABY yourself. We are fragile, sometimes more than others. Avoid negative people when you can. We have enough negativity of our own.

Peace, love and happiness to you, Brandy.

REPLY
1 reply
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Apr 7, 2023
In reply to @sharing "You bet! I’m glad I helped a little. I just find myself having to give myself..." + (show)
@sharing

You bet! I’m glad I helped a little. I just find myself having to give myself little mental checkups (I don’t think, after working for a mental health practice, that there is much they can do except to guide you to (hopefully) better choices but I left sessions feeling like I gained nothing except learning that they are human just like us and that WE have to do the real work….trying to look at things differently, NOT always apologizing to everyone, etc.

I think there’s nothing wrong with ignoring the usual chores at times and when those times suddenly come out of nowhere…..you owe it to yourself to not blame yourself and to BABY yourself. We are fragile, sometimes more than others. Avoid negative people when you can. We have enough negativity of our own.

Peace, love and happiness to you, Brandy.

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This was an eye-opener for me. I have experienced several life altering situations this past year. I am now alone and being 88 years old it is frightening sometime. We had a very wet winter and there were many days I was afraid to go out. I found I had lost the will to do anything - even getting dressed. Most of my meals were sandwiches because I didn't/couldn't cook. I let all the dirty dishes pile up and just ignored them. Finally the sun came out and I was literally out of food. Had to force myself to get into the shower and put on some clothes. I went to the store for food and was also able to do some banking chores. That started unlocking some energy for me and now I am finally starting to come back to some kind of normalcy.

REPLY
1 reply
sharing | @sharing | Apr 7, 2023
In reply to @thisismarilynb "This was an eye-opener for me. I have experienced several life altering situations this past year...." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

This was an eye-opener for me. I have experienced several life altering situations this past year. I am now alone and being 88 years old it is frightening sometime. We had a very wet winter and there were many days I was afraid to go out. I found I had lost the will to do anything - even getting dressed. Most of my meals were sandwiches because I didn't/couldn't cook. I let all the dirty dishes pile up and just ignored them. Finally the sun came out and I was literally out of food. Had to force myself to get into the shower and put on some clothes. I went to the store for food and was also able to do some banking chores. That started unlocking some energy for me and now I am finally starting to come back to some kind of normalcy.

Jump to this post

Hi, Marilyn! I am so glad to hear from you. When I first replied to the original post I wasn’t sure if my thoughts were just that, MY thoughts and had no idea others like myself are out there. What a relief to learn I am not alone and I am so thankful so many have shared similar experiences. Not pleasant to experience but nice to have people who understand.

A lot of us are older and just beginning to feel these same feelings of “now what?” Have no fear because you are not alone. At some point and sometimes more than once, we reach a crossroad and, well, I feel we get “stuck”. And can’t see anything good ahead.

Well, I am not a quitter and our feelings are all to real and agonizing but, it is okay and somehow we do get through the hard times. And that is where, I feel, I draw strength to keep going.

I totally understand your thoughts and you are absolutely right that when we run out of everything and don’t want to cook anymore but nothing, nothing fast that only requires a microwave; it is a horrible day, lol! But once over,I feel pretty good about myself.

Celebrate the little victories!!

Peace, love, happiness to you and thank you for your input!!

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Apr 7, 2023

@northwoodboy How are you feeling today? I am wondering about you and how you doing?
Ginger

REPLY
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Apr 7, 2023
In reply to @sharing "Hi, Marilyn! I am so glad to hear from you. When I first replied to the..." + (show)
@sharing

Hi, Marilyn! I am so glad to hear from you. When I first replied to the original post I wasn’t sure if my thoughts were just that, MY thoughts and had no idea others like myself are out there. What a relief to learn I am not alone and I am so thankful so many have shared similar experiences. Not pleasant to experience but nice to have people who understand.

A lot of us are older and just beginning to feel these same feelings of “now what?” Have no fear because you are not alone. At some point and sometimes more than once, we reach a crossroad and, well, I feel we get “stuck”. And can’t see anything good ahead.

Well, I am not a quitter and our feelings are all to real and agonizing but, it is okay and somehow we do get through the hard times. And that is where, I feel, I draw strength to keep going.

I totally understand your thoughts and you are absolutely right that when we run out of everything and don’t want to cook anymore but nothing, nothing fast that only requires a microwave; it is a horrible day, lol! But once over,I feel pretty good about myself.

Celebrate the little victories!!

Peace, love, happiness to you and thank you for your input!!

Jump to this post

Thank you.

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