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My Opioid Addiction
MY OPIOID ADDICTION
My body is my major negative asset. I am riddled with pain. At a 5, 6 or 7 out of 10 on my pain scale, I still function normally, just living through it. At a 10, I suffer in bed. As a youth I had occasional, classic aural/nausea migraines. They became more frequent and less severe, till they morphed into chronic daily headaches. Knee pain resulted in a knee replacement. But arthritis continues to attack my lower back and neck. My piriformis muscles too, add to the relentless pain.
I probably saw a hundred medical practitioners from both traditional medicine,-pain or neurology specialists, to alternative treatment, from acupuncture to cupping. Nothing worked except drugs... especially when oxycodone was introduced to the medical market.
My doctor was very enthusiastic. There was a medical mantra they all bought into that was clearly promoted by the drug company.
They believed that there was a difference between those who used oxycodone for recreational use who could be addicted, but if used for pain and no high was experienced, you could not become addicted, you were only ‘dependent’. I never experienced any high on opioids.
Somehow it was assumed that ‘dependent’ was a mild issue that could be easily rectified if necessary. You could just quit anytime. I started with Percocets a few times a day. It soon was not enough. My doc prescribed Oxycontin. It was soon not enough.
A friend had a fentanyl patch. My doc said he only prescribed a patch for terminal cancer patients. He upped the Oxycontin dose... again... and again. I continued to complain of pain. Finally he added a fentanyl patch. I began taking 160 mg of combined Oxycontin and Percocets, plus the patch.
I was a drug addict. I remember driving up the Don Valley Parkway in Toronto, in bumper to bumper, stop and go, rush hour traffic, in a drug stupor. I fell asleep at a pause and was only awakened by car horns urging me to move on. It was time to stop.
A pain specialist advised moving into a residential rehab facility. I opted for the do-it-yourself option. I researched the process and decided to do it on my own. It took me 6 months to get off the opioids.
I asked my wife what it was like when I was getting off the drug. “You lost your mind. You kept saying to everyone you saw the Buddha on the road. You wandered up and down the beach at the cottage buttonholing people and talking nonsense and breaking down crying.”
My cottage neighbour, a doctor, who observed me in this state, called it ‘ebullient emotion’, typical when patients have strokes or when in shock. I burst into bouts of convulsive weeping without any reason. I did that frequently during my detox.
I reduced my dose by 5mg a week. It was agony. After a couple of months the detox twisted my mind. I was nearly mad. Even when I was down to 5mg per day it was excruciating. I wanted to give up and get a strong dose, but I persisted.
I remember talking to Laurie, a pharmacist at Shoppers Drug Mart in Penetanguishene and asked her if there was anything I could take to get me over the agony on my last 5mg.
She asked how much I had reduced from. “160mg and a fentanyl patch,” I replied.
“On your own?’ she asked, incredulously.
“Yes,” I said.
“That’s unheard of,” she said. Her face signalled shock.
Every time I hear one of many current statistical opioid stories on TV, I am reminded of my addiction and detox. For example: * There were 2833 opioid related deaths in Ontario last year. * In the USA, there were more than 70,200 overdose deaths in just 2017. More than 130 people died every day from opioid- related drug overdoses.
On TV as I wrote this, someone declared, “One hundred people die from gun violence in the USA every day”. 130 from opioids! 100 from gun violence! Are these not preventable?
I have been free of opioids for a few years now. The pain persists but I am better off than where I was. My wife had nightmares about my drugged period. “I thought we were going to lose you.” I am still here.
By the way, I really did see the Buddha on the road.
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What state do you live in, Carol? I have run into restrictive laws in Virginia and Delaware. I lived in California and Nevada until 2014 and never had any problem getting my medicine.
Peggy
@carol1024 I was surprised at reading your post about your doc just giving you meds when you didn’t want them. You are not obligated to pickup a prescription your doctor wrote for you, if you do not want to take! In the current climate of healthcare your provider may be gaslighting you in that if he gives you the meds you will not need to call and bother him when you do need them. If you truly not taking that drug ask him to do a drug screen for it to prove to him you are truthful. Maybe then he’ll stop writing the prescription.
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1 ReactionIt’s not the government or senators it’s the healthcare industry and specifically FDA, DEA who decide with drug manufacturers the safest and minimally effective amount of a drug to make and distribute. Clinical trials for most drugs are done double-blind to ensure safety and data accuracy. For the 2 specific drugs you mentioned, tramadol and gabapentin, they are both noted in drug information to “monitor closely” due to each drugs ability to increase the effect of the other. They can be a dangerous combination if taken concurrently. Your healthcare providers, insurance company and pharmacy are trying to keep you safe in spite of yourself. I’m glad you found a combo that works for you but you should be glad the system works and limits your ability to harm yourself unintentionally.
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You totally misunderstood my post. The reason he does 2 at the time is so I won't have to come every month. He does not take my insurance and does it to save me money. My doctor DOES do a drug screen EVERY time I go. There is no " call and bother him for script when I need them" because you must SEE the doctor in order to get refills. I could not go 2 months without seeing him then just call and expect a refill. If I took the script like it was written, every 6 hours, they would last 30 days. I do not take them during the night like I would if I was in hospital, they wake you to give you pain meds which is stupid. Nobody said anything about him giving me pills I did not want. I think you should read my post again. Your comment about truly not taking that drug and asking for drug test to prove it doesn't make sense. My scripts last me longer than a month is all I said and THAT makes it go longer than 30 days for me to pick up 2nd script. By the time the 2 month appt comes back around, because I picked up the 2nd script LATER than expected, I end up calling to move my appt because I don't need them yet. That's all. I don't take them just because I have them and the doctor knows, because of the drug tests, just how much I DO take. There is nothing wrong with the way things are being done but by your use of the word gaslighting, leads me to believe you believe in conspiracy theories also. I've been seeing this doctor for over 10 years and really do not care about getting to know a new one. He is thorough and very inquisitive about my condition. He's not one of these 5 minute doctors, as I call some of them. He takes his time with you and really cares about his patients, which is one reason I always have to wait for up to an hour, but I don't mind. It is a pain and rehabilitation clinic so he specializes in pain management. There are people that come see him every month but their insurance pays. When I had the Obama care, as I call it, it paid a huge portion of my bill and I went monthly. When I went on disability, and medicaid along with that, he didn't take that and that is when we discussed my coming every 2 months instead of every month in order to save me money because it's $120 to see him. That would be a lot to pay every month. He did it to help me out plus the fact that I was being compliant with my medications and medical imagining appts, he decided to do it. There are also a lot of pain doctors that make you bring in any unused medications from previous scripts. He's not one of them. It's all good here.
Florida for 25 years. Before that I lived in Georgia. That's the only 2 states I have ever lived in. I'll be 65 in Oct. I've only been taking the pain meds since about 2002.
Forgot to ask and it wouldn't let me add it to the first reply but, why on earth would I want him to stop writing the prescriptions? I don't leave with scripts in hand. They send them to the pharmacy and fill one and one goes on my file for when I need it.
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1 ReactionI didn’t know until I watched a TV show last week that Florida was the Opioid capital of the US until they finally cracked down on all the pill mills. As I live in Florida as well. My pain management MD closed down when they legalized Medical Marijuana and he moved to North Carolina. Now my choices are injections or nothing. Injections don’t work for me and I don’t like the effects that the MM has so I just grin and bear it. I know your MD is being kind to you and I know you have leftovers, but it might be the right time to wean yourself off of them all together. Opioids are a dead end road…..David
I misunderstood your post, my apology
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1 ReactionDon't think I need to since I only take one every 7 hours, most of the time. Very seldom is every 6 hrs. There is nothing else that will give me the results I'm getting with the meds. It's usually people that can longer get them for some reason or another that have advice for people who are still able to get them. I have a feeling if you still were getting them, you wouldn't be telling me to wean myself off them. I can't do the Marijuana because of issues with PVC's and my cardiologist would not like that, I don't believe. They may be a dead end road for people who abuse them but I'm not one of those people. I don't even drink. I don't smoke either. Overdoses happen when people ingest too much for their liver or kidney to flush from their system. I know the half life of my pain meds and they are all but gone by the time it's time for another. If you take one every 4 hours, you're taking another when the first one has just peaked and still has work to do. Taking them too close together means people are looking for a high rather than something to take the pain away.
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