What's a good answer to How are you? when you're in bad pain?

If you want the scoop right from Mayo Clinic Pain Rehabilitation Center - Dr. Sletten teaches it's okay to say you are having difficult day. No explanation needed. It's good to have one person that you can talk to honestly but no one else needs to know all the details of what you're going through. He teaches about "pain behaviors" which is anything you do say or think that reminds you of pain, and explains that talking about symptoms accesses your pain pathways and can lead to more pain.

I like to reverse the question by answering I'm fine, or doing well, then ask how are you how , how are the children , how is your new job?

If you want the scoop right from Mayo Clinic Pain Rehabilitation Center - Dr. Sletten teaches it's okay to say you are having difficult day. No explanation needed. It's good to have one person that you can talk to honestly but no one else needs to know all the details of what you're going through. He teaches about "pain behaviors" which is anything you do say or think that reminds you of pain, and explains that talking about symptoms accesses your pain pathways and can lead to more pain.

I like to reverse the question by answering I'm fine, or doing well, then ask how are you how , how are the children , how is your new job?

It does matter who’s asking the question. Our self image and the image we allow others to see is often different, sometimes quite different. Honesty is the path of least resistance but with chronic pain it can be telling.

I say, "Status Quo" or "Another Day of the Same"

This really helped! Thanks for your reply. I hadn't thought about the idea of adding pain by reiterating the problem

Hi Mikayla and all -
One thing I learned was that I am more than my pain, and got sick of letting pain define me. Cognitive behavioral therapy helped teach that I was still a person with abilities and interests, and could choose to not be defined by pain by shifting focus, mindset and working towards mindfulness and gratitude. I learned that I could teach my friends and family how I wanted to be spoken to. For example, I asked them to stop asking me how I was "feeling" and start asking me how I was "doing". Living with chronic pain means I pretty much "feel" poor most of the time so asking how I was feeling just kept "accessing the network" of pain pathways and did me no good. Now when asked how I'm doing (depending on if it's my close person or not) I may acknowledge I'm having a difficult day, without unloading the kitchen sink of pain behaviors, or say I'm okay, or I'm well, then either shift to talk about the other person or bring up a positive about my life, family, the weather, a movie - whatever I can find in that moment that brings my mind away from pain and allows me to be an active participant with a positive mindset. In the end its everyone's individual choice as to how to respond to questions, just remember you get out of it what you put in to it. If change never happens then you stay the same.

Here's a mantra (and I have many) that really helps keep me on the path towards change...

So true, Ted. I work on treating myself with kindness and grace. Through cognitive behavioral therapy I learned that I needed to talk to myself like I talk to others with encouragement, support and care. Taking my own advice through positive self-talk has helped a lot. I try to think about how would I talk to my kids in this moment. And that's how I should treat myself. It's a work in progress somedays more than others but that's ok.

How do you talk to yourself?