NYT Article: How Do You Serve a Friend in Despair?

Hi @hopek,
You have posted a link to a New York Times article called "How Do You Serve a Friend in Despair?"

Can you share what led to your posting this? Have you had to help a friend in despair? Are you in need of help?

I thought it might be of interest to those who have not read it.
He had a loving family and friends, and all the resources possible but still could not continue living.
What does this say to the rest of us who are trying to cope one day at a time?

Thank you @hopek. I have updated the title of this discussion so others who are looking for this type of information can find it.

It is hard to hear about people who see no other way to stop their suffering than to choose to end it. You ask "What does this say to the rest of us who are trying to cope one day at a time?"

I think it can say different things to different people. I think you might appreciate some of the incredible insights shared by @jimhd and others in this discussion:
- I survived suicide attempts https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/i-survived-suicide-attempts/

What helps you cope one day at a time?

@hopek Different things keep me going from one day to the n, depending on what I'm doing. When depression is lighter, I'm pretty active. Working in the yard is good therapy. Organizing occupies my mind. I enjoy working in my shop (as much as depression defines enjoyment), working on mostly wood projects, restoring tools, etc. Knitting helps occupy my mind and time.

So, for me, distracting my mind reduces the suicidal thoughts, as well as the depression and anxiety.

Cognitive therapy teaches other other techniques for coping with unwanted thoughts and actions.

We each have to learn what works for us as unique individuals. It would be nice if a wand existed that could wave away our troubles. I think there'd have to be thousands of wands, no?

Right now my therapy of choice is to take a nap. Keep doing the work.

Jim

Colleen - Thank you for a much better title.
Jim - Yes, each of us must have our individual bag of tools that we rely on when the big D hits.
After decades of being on a combination of lexapro and Wellbutrin, with my PCP’s guidance, I very slowly weaned myself off. I didn’t know whether I still needed them or not. For a few months things were fine, then suddenly I was hit with crying spells, irritability, lack of interest in anything, etc.
My PA is recommending a low dose of lexapro but it is taking a while to kick in.
In re-investigating depression I learned about the genetic testing that may help determine which medications may work best for an individual. Maybe someone on this site has experience with this?

I've heard about it. I did the old hit and miss method of trying an antidepressant for 6 weeks, then try another, and another... until I landed on Wellbutrin, which has kept depression et al at a manageable level for 17 years. Because depression is still an issue, I can't imagine going without medication, though I understand that I may need to make a change at some point. 5 or 6 years ago my psychiatrist added Mirtazapine when I was having a rough time. I'm still seeing a therapist, though only every other week now. Thoughts of wanting to end my life are always lurking around the fringes of my consciousness. I wish they were gone completely and that could happen some day. But for now, I have to be mindful of my family and avoid ruminating on suicide. To the vast majority of people that's a totally foreign concept, and they have the quick solutions and cliches that make sense to them, but are meaningless to the at risk person.

But I've said more than enough for today. I hope you get your meds in place soon.

Jim

Letters in response to NYT article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/14/opinion/letters/love-depression-suicide.html

I was glad to see all the sympathetic letters to the editor about the Brooks article. I didn’t see it but was told that David Brooks talked about the article as part of his PBS NewsHour commentary on Friday (February 17).

I was also pleased to see that US Senator John Fetterman openly announced that he was being hospitalized for depression last week.

Let’s hope that more people become less reluctant to talk about the condition. Then hopefully more research can be done on it.

I have had depression since 1997 to some degree. I've taken antidepressants for most years since. It come on after being diagnosed with hypothyroid. Then I was in an auto accident in 2003 that triggered fibromyalgia and CFS. I've had back injuries that are now problematic in my upper and lower spine. Having never been sick before all this, I thought I would get better. 20 years later I am still depressed and in pain! The past few years I've made changes in what I focus on. I find positive distractions to be a life saver. I now meditate, eat better, walk 30 minutes a day and seek out support for what I'm dealing with. I see a therapist, whom recently changed our appointments to every 3 weeks rather than 2. She encourages me to find support groups for depression, but I think I need them for pain more. When you live with an invisible illness (like depression too), often 'healthy people' don't understand. I didn't prior to becoming ill so I understand that. I try to remember to have patience with myself and others. Love rules, we don't get enough of it. Loving myself became a foreign concept. I do more of it these days too.