I’ve been opening up these past weeks about bad days, today I want to post a good day. If you have issues with religion you might want to skip this post.
So this past Friday Nancy went out with a couple friends. I told her to make sure she drank enough that I had to pick her up. That’s big for us, we are not drinkers. I just wanted her to let her hair down and relax with friends. I called my son to see if he wanted to go out to dinner. He already had plans, which was okay it was only a couple hours notice. I than called a friend and it was the same story. Normally no big deal but we all know what happened last time I was alone for several hours. A bit of fear set in. I then decide to go to church. Turns out it was confessional. There were a few people there and while I am a practicing Catholic I do not tend to go to confession. I know the theory but not really the process.
An angel appeared in the form of a small over-weight man who quickly realized I was in turmoil. He took me aside and walked me through the process. I sat in next to the priest crying my eyes out while opening up. I felt some weight lifted. Not all, but some. Afterwards I spent about an hour in the pews with God sitting next to me in thought. Emotions were high but settling down. I realize Nancy never meant to hurt me (actually I already knew that). She was more afraid and confused than I was. While I am still upset over how the whole mess played out, I found the strength to forgive her and myself for the way went down those days.
Saturday morning I was up at 4:30 am. Haven’t been able to sleep more than 5 hours a night since this whole craziness started. I wanted to talk to her but she was sleeping soundly. I was worried I would mess things up when I spoke with her about it all so I wrote it down. Saturday afternoon we had a couple hours to ourselves. We both took a long, much needed 2 hour nap. It was great, so rejuvenating for both of us. We brewed an afternoon coffee and I started, explained that I wanted to talk, and I wanted her to just listen. She didn’t need to respond or remark, just listen.
I told her I was sorry that I made her feel that deceiving me on Tuesday was her only/best option. I was sorry that my actions made her think I would not support her in whatever decision she made. I was sorry that come Thursday, she was still feeling the need to defend that decision when I was in a dark place and reaching for help understanding things. We will never agree that choosing to keep me in the dark was the best way to handle the situation but at lease it is behind us now. The future is still very confusing and scary for us. But we can move forward with the many challenges to come, together standing side by side. Saturday night we Netflexed a really bad movie and laughed about it.
I do want to thank everyone for letting me vent here and replying back. Some have been a little hurtful but all have been helpful.

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