@gpigpigford

Lump vs mastectomy. Stuck between her choice and what I feel is best

I'm going to try to say this kindly. . . . You are finding yourself "stuck" because you placed yourself there, in between your wife's decision. You can get "unstuck" by removing yourself from the decision, and offering your thoughts when and if she asks you for them. I hope this is helpful, but it is as honest and forthright as I can be.

A dear friend of mine lost her breast cancer battle today. . .and one thing she said to me (after I was diagnosed with breast cancer), was that she wished she had made the choice for a mastectomy instead of lumpectomy. Her breast cancer metastasized, and she battled against it for four years until today.

Every woman understands the weight of the choice she must make. She understands the loss of sensation of the breast. She understands her own sexual pleasure. These are things you do not have to go-to-bat with for her. She understands. It's her body. She has those sensations. She knows the gravity of the choice she has to make. Please, let her make it.

I had the choice of a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. I chose the double mastectomy, and have not looked back. I am able to sleep at night because I no longer have the ducts in my body. Though I endured chemotherapy, I spared myself the radiation, and I no longer need mammograms. It was the right decision for me. It may or may not be for your wife. But the point being, is that she needs to make that decision.

Sexual stimulation and pleasure are part of the human experience. But it is not the only thing that defines love; in fact, it is very little in the whole of loving someone. Love your wife, sir. Share your thoughts, but love her enough to support her decision. And love her (and her body) when the decision is made. Your wife is more than breasts and nipples.

I hope my very open and raw response in some way helps you. There is more at stake her than just her physical body. She will travel through much . . .through physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges. You can help her greatly by walking alongside and loving her fully.

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