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Living with husband who has depression, SADD and chronic pain

Posted by Sheryl @grandma88, Oct 28, 2022

My husband has suffered from depression since his twenties. We're both in our mid 60's now. The depression gets worse when the days get shorter (seasonal affective disorder) so I'm walking on eggshells at this time of year. To top it all off, he has chronic pain. He hasn't been able to work for years and has been home alone during the week up until this year when I retired. He seems to be doing better mood-wise now that I'm home with him. He had a depressive breakdown last November and stopped taking all of his medications and stopped eating for 3 days. Thank goodness he got through that nightmare, but he still isn't on antidepressants because they make him feel like a robot. I'm wondering how he'll do as we get more into the holiday season, which is usually hard for him. Who can relate to some of this and wants to talk in this group or privately?

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Sheryl | @grandma88 | Nov 27, 2022
In reply to @casey1329 "My husband has depression and used to drink too much to handle it. He drank way..." + (show)
@casey1329

My husband has depression and used to drink too much to handle it. He drank way too much if we had company. So, at 72, he understands that the drinking is hurting him. He has fallen down and had to call for help to get him up. He was very embarrassed and so decided to stop drinking. However, in order to avoid social stress...no more company, which for me is hard. I like a party. We just limit it to visits from our sons & grandsons. So far it is working...good luck.

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Yes, social stress is real and can really escalate quickly. My husband drinks to ease his head pain because none of the treatments or medications he's been prescribed over the years have been able to do that. What a sad situation to be in. He has also fallen down when he's had to much, but luckily just in front of me. He tries to drink less when we have company and therefore his pain level is higher. The noise level when we have 6 or more adult family members in the house is too much for him. I have to go around asking people to keep their voices down 🙁

I'm thinking about doing what you did, no family gatherings at least at Thanksgiving and Christmas. That will kill me, but I think it's for the best. I can see him doing better in the summer, maybe short visits then.

Thanks for your reply!

REPLY
casey1329 | @casey1329 | Nov 27, 2022

So sorry to read that your husband is in pain. However, watch out with the falling down. In my husbands case it was a balance issue at first but upon additional neurological testing it showed that he has distal axonal polyneuropathy, the alcohol was attacking his nerves. If left unchecked the damage could travel up his legs to his arms perhaps leaving him in a wheelchair. In addition to nerve damage some drinkers have thamine & vitamin B deficiencies. A few blood tests showed my husband was Ok in that area but the nerve damage was probably affecting his balance.
My plan is to limit social gatherings in the home to just our kids and grand kids for now. The last time they were over my husband said that he felt completely relaxed and no need for alcohol. Sometimes I think he suffers from not only depression but social anxiety. At Easter I might try to work in just one more relative. Maybe his brother and his wife. Although the wife can be a handful. She is a retired lawyer and cross examines everyone...very annoying. The big picture is to keep my husband from drinking and maybe in a year things will be better...good luck to you & your husband.

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