MCI to Dementia: What can I expect in the future?

Do you mean that no one in your family would help him if you were gone? What would happen to him?

My husband 90 yr and myself age 89. He was actually diagnosed with MCI January 2020. But even beginning 2012, I realized something wasn’t right in our marriage. He owned his own CPA business and had a flourishing business for over 50 years but in 2000 his previous wife of over 40 years passed away. I had lost my first husband of 45 years in 2019. Our families had been casual friends for over 40 years. After his wife passed in 2000 he looked me up and we developed a good relationship and so we were married in 2001. As i said in 2012 I noticed he was beginning to spend more time in office and couldn’t be gone on vacation for more than 2 weeks from office. When we married he had sold off most of his office clientele so that he no longer needed an office manager so i had gone to work for him so he would not have to spend long hours in office. I had fallen and needed shoulder surgery with a total shoulder joint repair and no longer able to work in office. That is when he started acting helpless so to replace me he hired my daughter in law. That was fine but she has a family so went into his office just to keep the bookkeeping up and sort the mail and then leave. He began staying in office longer. I mentioned to him it seemed he paid more attention to office than our marriage. He disagreed with me. Then he started complaining about having trouble with his computer needing to call for computer tech help more. Complaining about different companies making him change his password all the time. So many problems with equipment at office continued. In September of 2019 he missed a step up from family room to next level and couldn’t get himself up. I had to call EMT for help. He was taken to emergency room and they did a lot of testing on him but found nothing so was sent home. So he then made appointment with his internist and his doctor did a brain scan MRI blood and urine test. He found a UTI which can cause memory problems so of course that seemed to pacify all of us about his mind but as far as his work in office I and my son and daughter-in-law urged him to retire. He agreed so my son wasn’t working at the time so he practically lifted my husband out of his office chair, moved what needed to be moved out and sold what needed to be sold and everything was out then my son locked door took keys to landlord but then my husband acted as if he still had a business. He was able to do some business in past from home office. I didn’t question him. He had not been sharing his finances with me. When we married he and i both did a prenuptial because of our previous marriages and families. But when he mentioned he had to do payroll, i questioned him. He never liked me to question him and again he said to me “ yes I still need to do it.” If I asked why he would not answer me. He would give me the silent treatment. So as I said in January 2020 his internist doctor ordered him to see a neurologist about his memory problems and the neurologist looked at his brain scan and noted MCI. His family wouldn’t hear of MCI or dementia. “ Oh, dad’s always been like that. And just laugh it off. I was concerned it seemed his was spending money on his business and he no longer had money coming in. From 2020 to today November 2022 he slowly declined and in September 2022 his daughter who has power of Attorney Financial he said she should take over but quickly like almost overnight he remembers nothing about money. So she is trying to find out what his financial worth is because he had run up debts for his business that need to be paid and he had let household bills lapse as well. All the time seeming to be aware of all his bills. Like i said he did not share his finances with me. I did get him to allow me to be about to have my name on his personal bank account and then i did get him to allow me access to a couple of his credit cards. So now that he can’t take care of his home, i can have access to paying his mortgage and household accounts. I had sold my home and he paid for his home bills as he said he’d have to pay for them if I didn’t live here. I bought any foods we ate. So we me having access to his personal account and his daughter power of Attorney together we are trying to pice together what outstanding bills and what monthly bills plus what auto pay accounts he had out there. It is a mess. If his family, his COA friend had listened to me and some how tried to convince, urge my husband to allow them information about his business, it might have helped him rethink all the money he put into his business he no longer had. Now he barely has enough money to keep him home going. He did take out LTC insurance and so i have hired some in home care. He has also been incontenent urine in 2019 continues and now bowel movement as well. He is sleeping about 18 hour out of 24 hr. Taking in very little food or water.

No, they feel i do too much for him. Since he has a care giver now for 7 hours, they say Dad has always been self centered and only thinks of himself. They feel he is just being lazy and stubborn.

That situation is so familiar with us. He had a brain PET scan last month that proved it was dementia. He isn’t doing well now. I think he has had it already for several years before the diagnosis. Does any medication him at all? Would like to communicate with you.

I did ask my husband’s sons and sister what would happen to Will if I was gone. The sons were agreeable to taking over his care but his sister washed her hands of the whole question. Her help isn’t really needed as she is older than Will, but it was her lack of concern for her brother that surprised me. However, it is satisfying to know Wills sons would be there for him. I am very grateful for them.

That situation is so familiar with us. He had a brain PET scan last month that proved it was dementia. He isn’t doing well now. I think he has had it already for several years before the diagnosis. Does any medication him at all? Would like to communicate with you.

My husband's daughter is willing to help, so we're going to be moving closer to her. I can handle things now, but that could change.

My husband's daughter is willing to help, so we're going to be moving closer to her. I can handle things now, but that could change.

Hi @jenniferemery, you'll notice that I removed your personal phone number. Connect is a public forum. We recommend sharing personal contact information using the secure private message function.

I’d like to underline the benefit of sharing in the group discussions. By posting in the discussions, you benefit from the knowledge and experience of many members and they benefit from the experiences you share.

Getting this diagnosis for your husband must come as a shock to him, but perhaps not to you. Had you been seeing signs? What help is being offered to you and your husband since getting the diagnosis?