Demisexual?

Posted by sdgoddard10 @sdgoddard10, Nov 4, 2022

I’m a 59 year old male and I’ve always had a low sex drive. When I was young I never chased girls. I should add that I am a heterosexual. Anyway, my male friends would chase and talk about women like that was all there was in life. One of my friends would always set me up with girls and I had to tell him politely to stop doing that. It never worked out. A couple girls apparently liked me and would flirt with me but I never reciprocated. One of them would want to slow dance and hug and I would think of some excuse not to. One of them got really upset and asked what was wrong with me. I saw her years later and she was married and had children and seemed happy. I wished her well. I wish they had something like demisexuality back in the 70s and 80s so I wouldn’t have thought I was weird or something was wrong with me. I just feel so good that there is a place I can talk about this.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

I should also add that I’m not attracted to men so I’m not homosexual or bisexual. I should add that I had a brother who had the same feelings, God rest his soul.

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One more thing. I’m so glad I have I have a low sex drive. I wished society would have had something like this back in the 70s. Life would have been a whole lot easier. Imagine growing up in a mostly guy neighborhood where the topic of discussion was who have you scored with.

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...well at 79 I have never heard of demisexual nor probably never discussed my sex life with anyone except one of my two husbands.... so I cannot offer up any valid comments etc. and I was raised in a home where sex was never discussed... had it been I may not have become pregnant 'first time.' I suppose what comes to my mind is the difference, for some people, between sex and love and the intimacy of just being together with someone you like.... Different genes, parents, countries, etc. am sure play a part. For me as a budding teenager with a loving family, wanted to be wanted, to be liked, to be loved, to have someone care for me, to feel my heart go pitter patter when we met...probably the same as happened to my parents years before.... little was I aware of the fundamental, basic, human naural instinct of reproduction... if no one had vaginal sex the earths population would never increase. At 79 it's odd for me to even now talk abut this subject and there are so many views and religious beliefs etc. I even wonder if you will even get a response to your comments... and I have also read that some people have sex on their minds all day long.... yikes... and some at 100 years old with one foot in the grave too! As this is a medical site are you wondering if low/high sex drive is a medical condition?

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Well it can affect your mental health if you think you’re weird or something is wrong with you. People don’t seem to realize not every man is sex crazy. I mean I love and respect women, but love and romance came and still come first. Being from a very male centric neighborhood the guys assumed you were girl crazy. If you weren’t, you never admitted it. I became an expert in making up stories.

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Also, I was bought up to believe that women considered sex to be a duty and a chore. Sounds like fun to me.

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...nice of you to also understand a woman's point of view .... I'll go out on a limb and say imo only, anything a person 'has' to do may not be fun and may be a duty and a chore, you hit the nail on the head...so to speak.... such a personal matter but such a world-wide issue too! this is why, at least in Canada, sex education in school was such an argued debate... if not discussed in the home for whatever reason, and not explained at school or ?, the various complicated natural, unnatural, pleasurable, wanting a child, marriage, and the list goes on, is then left for the child or even young adult to figure out on their own... hope am making sense to express such views as a bit late for me as ending my life in a few years.... but how things have changed over my lifetime!

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Thanks for listening to me. The whole point of this post was to spread some awareness that not every guy is a sex maniac. Our culture celebrates this view in music, movies, and tv shows, or at least it did when I was growing up in the 1970’s. Some of the girls I liked would become very upset if I didn’t

“ make a move” on them. I needed to know them first. The thing was, that was how a girl was supposed to be, not a guy. So maybe you can see the pressure I had to endure. (Sorry about the spacing. I don’t know how to fix it.)

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Another reason I’m posting this is because I need to get this off my mind. It’s been bothering me for a long time and this seemed like a good place to do it without judgement.

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Every guy I knew was “getting laid” or thinking about it. I couldn’t understand why anybody would be that desperate for sex when love was more important.

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.... I feel for you mainly because I have issues in my past that are not resolved, whether this is the subject or not, so it is understandable that you want to sort things out.... and without offending, maybe do what I am doing and talking o a 'therapist' - but it has to be someone you connect with and who really 'gets it' ... am sure many readers of this have stories to tell but in my view maybe not quite the place to discuss openly.... are there any other sites that might have members who can share their views with you.... not sure but was it in the 70's that the birth control pill was available, thus allowing some women to participate if that's the word, without the risks... and honestly I don't even know how to answer your concerns.... but I am sure not only 'answers' to your concerns are out there, but hopefully your past views which are bothering you now can be explained in a way you understand and unsure of your age, but help you get on with your life regardless of the past, many of us here are having to do this regardless of the circumstances... brave of you to reach out for help and I feel there is help for you if not on this particular site... wishing you the best wishing you peace and knowing we all have 'pasts' that we might like to understand better! Take care and good luck for the future, J.

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