I survived suicide attempts

Interesting...My family expects this of me since my father went out with a bang. Thing is, this choice, would not benefit anyone. Knowing how my father's choice changed my life I do not want my own adult children to go through what I have for over 42 years. Being the survivor of someone else close is something that stays forever. Even though I believe my adult children would not care (my dad never said a word to another about his plan). I am able to care for myself and can still drive some. I would never want to be a burden on my family with nothing of value to leave them. Some happy memories is the best I can hope for.
@jimhd Thank you for sharing as it helps to know how others cope. I am 66 and still moving on. Time with my grandson is "my" greatest joy. Hurdles there. I am patient and anxiously await an invitation. I am capable of being alone with him and we have so much fun. Tells me there is still a reason to continue to try. When I get the time with him I don't notice the pain. Sometimes love is not enough.

Hi Jim, thanks for thinking of me. I have not been on in a while even in some of the other groups. My health has been deteriorating more & more lately. I also just finished getting the last three of my teeth removed ( a result of having severe dry mouth, a side effect of my medications). I have been told that dentures for me will be approximately $30k!!! This Once again is due to the medications giving me dry mouth. Since I barely have any saliva my mouth cannot hold in normal dentures!! I need bone graphs & almost snap like things that hold the dentures to the top & bottom of my mouth. I am not sure that I have that kind of money to spend, especially on myself. I have had to get a lot of work done around my house & that is not cheap. I am also trying to stay in my house as long as I can but unfortunately it is a two storey so I am going to need an electronic chair to get me up & down soon!! The stairs are the hardest thing for me! Before I can do that I need to redo all of my floors (more $$$) not just because my house is almost 20 years old and the carpet is really due. Plus I can't use my scooter on carpet. So far it h as been difficult doing an

@jimhd I am not sure I have the words to help but I'm gonna sure try with you anyway. I myself have attempted suicide twice. And now thinking back I am glad I didn't succeed when I think about my kids and parents. They stood beside me all the way but reminded me how they would always be scared to leave me alone again which would impede on them ever having a normal life. It just wouldn't be fair to any of them having to baby sit me forever. It has been about seven yrs now since my last attempt. But I didn't become healed all the way. I switched suicide for cutting which scared them just as bad because they were just afraid I would end up cutting my wrist too deep and bleeding to death before I could get to the hospital. I have about 50 scars on both wrist so eventually I managed to kick that habit with a better psychiatrist, the right mixture of meds, and a caring neurologist, and God. Especially God. Now I'm not saying you have to believe in god but believe in something, somebody who can help you, it just to hard to do it alone. And don't forget how bad that charcoal taste, that is if you had to drink it. I did and it was very unpleasant and then one time it was to late and they kept me in ICU for a week. But I hear you when the emotional and now more so the physical pain gets to be more than I can handle cutting, more so than suicide really, lirks around in my brain. It creeps close to the surface just begging me to cut ONE more time but I've learned to talk to someone and for me I pray also. Just remember you got all of us to talk too.

Jim- thank for your courage in sharing about a hard subject-suicide, I believe Jim that many more people think about it than we've ever know- life today especially is hard( harder than the 50's-in my book anyway) The young soldiers I work with tell me, they feel no hope anymore in America- that they would rather be with their buddies in Iraq or wherever, why -because it's their family and I do understand, has been my family for 44 years plus, and I don't find the same caring spirit than I have in the Military. Yet-we have such a raise in suicide, the Army is the highest, and then the Marine's are second " combat troops-mostly infantry soldiers and Marines" They see the worse of humanity- and then come home to " what is for the most part- no purpose, no order, no one looking out for the other person. it's all about them-has you have heard many people say I'm sure. But, we both know there are good people in every city- but sometimes we have to look a little harder and be the first one to speak out and show kindness to those who are hurting, or even hold the door for someone-even if they don't say thank you. If I can share with everyone - there is " I believe one of the best books ever written about Suicide" The author was a Russia/Jewish Man to came to LA, Calif. in the mid-50 to become a medical doctor at UCLA, but after a few years and hearing so much about the raise then in suicide- he decided to do both and became ( The founder in suicide prevention- as a Doctor in Psychiatristry) . He has written many book about the subject and taught at UCLA and Marian University in WI, The book have read and re-read many times is titles: "Suicide As Psychache" about the loss of innocent an the mental pain that is connected to the thoughts of suicide. AS a Chaplain for the last 38 years I have counseled many soldiers and police officers ref: to suicide, No please don't think -I'm an expert- that is a big NO and not possible anyway, I believe the only One who can really see inside a person and their mind is God and only God. But we all should be alert for those who maybe hurting so much that their way out of the pain is suicide- we all need a life line " all of us, doesn't matter who they are or we are- or what profession- we need each other and to be able to listen and never judge. The pain in our minds-can be just as real as a serious Illness. Your thoughts. Johjames

Jim, I believe by talking about suicide out loud and with other people- that in itself is a positive step. Jim, when you can- take sheet of paper, sit down in a quiet place where you won't be bothered by other people or noise, write down on the front sheet- the reasons you believe would lead you to suicide and try and write down why? And than on the back page, write down what you would like to do with your life- is there a goal that's important to you? are you meeting with other people for fun-just to talk and have coffee( for example) think about why you would really want to die, if there something that is overwhelming that you can fix it- if not- have to asked for help for anyone- that's hard for allot of us, as a Chaplain and former Infantry Soldier, I feel weak at times asking for help-as I should be able to answer my own questions about depression and why I feel hopeless. I want to be able to serve again somewhere- and when you have to retire- for most anyway-it's leaves a big hole in your life, your day, your purpose- you ask your self is life over and now I'm worthless and can't offer anything to any body. You train in the Military everyday and you see soldiers at Walter Reed for example, pray with them, talk with their family and their children- being able to help them with lodging and toys- food and transportation- then all of a sudden- they hand you your discharge - and the next day you don't put on the uniform and there isn't PT call to run 2 miles( well-that one I can pass on) but my point is depression. If you don't mind me sharing with you about the man of God ( Elijah,) he had been in a major battle against Gods enemies and was on the run- a man to showed and lived his faith( A man of great faith the Scripture tell us, yet all of a sudden he became very tired and fearful of those chasing him and fell on his knees and prays that God will take his life- that he didn't want to live anymore under such circumstances- he really wanted to die( but God wasn't angry or called him weak or anything negative- He said lay down, sleep and the angels will bring you food and drink until you are rested and ready to re-join the ranks. I don't know Jim if any of this helps- Your worth more than you might think or feel right now. But please know your not alone. JJames````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````