Partner has intermittent explosive disorder, verbally oppressive

My partner has a similar tendency to "blow up". He is not physically violent, but he is very fast to curse and yell when something bothers him. A stubbed toe generates enough noise to make me come running for fear he's broken a limb, or chopped off a finger. I find myself telling him that the driver that cut him off is not the one he is punishing since I am the person he is exposing to his rage. It has taken years, but at this stage, I can usually get him to cut the yelling short. That said, I am with him for the long term as he has many good qualities, which are not diminished by a few flaws. I adore him... after more than ten years and two kids! However, if you feel the need to leave, you should not let financial concerns hold you back. If you do, then, you are staying from fear, not love, and that will color your whole experience of the relationship, making it that much harder for you to tolerate his flaws. If finances are really the issue, be creative. You probably have a friend or family member that will help with a loan, of letting you stay with them for a while. It really sounds like your situation could become toxic, and I empathize. Going back to school might give you some breathing space, as well as some added skills. Really take a good objective look at where you are, and where you want to be. It may be that a few small (or even major changes) will completely alter your mind-set. Sinking into depression is like falling into quicksand.
I hope this has given you some hope, or a few good ideas. Cheers - NN

kyjimbo51 ..... I don't want to sound harsh, so please, please, don't take it that way. Unless your partner is willing to get serious help for this disorder, you need to leave for your own safety. This will only escalate and at some point you could well be physically injured or worse. Nothing and no one is worth your own health and well being.
Barb

My son has the same diagnosis. He had been having outbursts for a while but had never done more than threaten violence against family. No one took him seriously. Now he has crossed the line and become physically violent against his step-dad (this after close calls with two uncles.) He is now on medication (one of the conditions we have given him if he wants to continue living with us) and in therapy. I never thought I'd be afraid of my own son or that his outbursts would escalate to this point. He is always remorseful after an outburst but that does not undo the things he's done. Please be careful and think things through. I understand you care about your partner but this is a lifetime problem and only medication and therapy can help (not cure) his issues. I hope he is willing to get help.

May I ask you some questions. What if he come fight with you , always chose some words to break your heart, because he knows you very well so those words could be really hurts

Have you considered reaching for counseling for yourself since you’re beginning to feel depressed as a verbal punching bag. Certainly if you feel unsafe their are help lines you can use to seek immediate help.

I think they enjoy the adrenaline rush of extra emotion. I was able to talk my husband out of some of the driving rage. The loud shouting really triggers my past abusive households. These days, though, we find it ties to his diabetes blood sugar (high or low). Have you had him in for a physical?? These days, though, we are also dealing with some early dementia and he flies off the handle when he drops something, or his oxygen tube gets tangled: it seems to be caused by hurrying (time awareness) and not being conscious of cause/effect. Yesterday, I took his cup off the table and refilled it and he didn't notice I had moved it! If he is safe, though, and having a tantrum I let him live it--lots less emotionally wearing on me than rushing in to fix it. Mine is a large guy, but not really safe for me to be in close proximity when he is not thinking. Also, he blames me for its happening. Another room, another activity is helpful. The Dr did prescribe anti-anxiety medication, but it must not be taken with tramadol or other opiates.

Stay strong. Try to find some coping mechinisims. Breathing exercises

to kyjimbo51 @kyjimbo51, please DON'T STAY! I stayed with the man who was emotionally and verbally abusing me way, way too long, always making excuses for him, thinking he would get his act together, but it only escalated. He did finally get physical which left me with a lifelong injury that flares up all the time [always a lovely memory of him] because I never sought medical treatment for it. I was too humiliated and embarrassed to tell anyone that my husband had physically abused me. The one time physical abuse was enough to push me to divorce, but even after the divorce, I allowed the emotional and verbal abuse to continue until he broke me so bad that my life has never been the same. I became the typical abused woman who hated him for what he continued to do for me, but could not let go. This direct entanglement with him went on for over 25 years of my life. I met another man who probably was the love of my life, my soulmate, but I was so broken and scared that I broke off the relationship inspite of his pleadings to stay. My ex also influenced my only child and I think she truly believes that I am the problem and ignores what she saw growing up, so we are estranged, and therefore she does not let me see my twin granddaughters. I am sorry to ramble on, but I just am trying to tell you, and anyone else that this may apply to, that emotional and verbal abuse [and intimidaton] are DEVASTATING. Society does not recognize the damage it can do, but the reality is that it can take you down completely and ruin your life. I think I waited too long for counseling because it didn't really help. I can't seem to "un-convince" myself that I am not the bad person that my ex sucessfully brought me to believe I am. Nothing positive can be gained by staying. I, too, had the pets, bills, and many other excuses not to leave, but you MUST GO if it won't change, and the chances are very slim that he will change. I don't mean to be hard on you, I truly don't mean this in that way. I identify with what you are going through, but I am trying to tell you what could happen if you stay. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you will find yourself a way out. The longer you wait, the less likely you will go , sadly. I became entangled with this man in my early thirties and still have really not let him go. I am 77 and my life is not good.
Again, I am so sorry for what you are going through.......but you are the only one who can change it. I know.
P