His occupation is accounting. He lives in another state. I’m 85 and unable to go there and help him. My therapist(family) wants me to go to Alananon I will, but really how will That help me?
Perhaps “tough love” played a role in his current issues. Mental conditions require love, understanding and help, not throwing someone away. Life is about more than your occupation. I don’t doubt you want the best for your son, but tough love is not help.
@talbot This is a difficult spot to be in, isn't it? A parent wants to see their child succeed, and be happy. And at the same time, you want to be able to help if needed.
I know there will be others who step in to this conversation, sharing their experiences. From what you have said, the generalized anxiety is your son's issue, and the therapist is recommending the "tough love" of not sending more money to him. And your son respects this idea, even if he is not happy with it. Is this right? Are you concerned how he will react if you follow through and stop sending money? Is he using funds you send him for getting help, now?
Ginger
My son, whom I trusted, when he was attending college, asked for money for rent. I sent it and the next time I saw him; he had a large colorful tattoo on his back. I asked him if I paid for that and he walked away ot giving me an answer. Just saying , , ,
My son, whom I trusted, when he was attending college, asked for money for rent. I sent it and the next time I saw him; he had a large colorful tattoo on his back. I asked him if I paid for that and he walked away ot giving me an answer. Just saying , , ,
I too am in a similar “tough love” situation/dilemma, trying to decide if following through will help or hurt. I have a 40 yo who has a job, but only part-time. He depends on us for about 95% of his expenses. He has generalized anxiety and has talked of suicide, but without any plan. He refuses help, and it is desperately needed, because of alcohol involvement, as well. I would welcome any ideas, comments, suggestions from any of you. Is there a therapist in the house?
His occupation is accounting. He lives in another state. I’m 85 and unable to go there and help him. My therapist(family) wants me to go to Alananon I will, but really how will That help me?
@talbot Alanon is an adjunct 12-step program to Alcoholics Anonymous, attended by family and friends of alcoholics and drug addicts. I have not attended these meetings, but have heard that they can offer guidance on how to deal with/live with those affected by substance abuse.
Perhaps an honest conversation with your son regarding his employment situation, what might be keeping him from holding onto a job and how he can remedy that, will help you both. At some point we have to make a decision to "sink or swim", as much as it hurts us. I have known several people who decided to not carry their child financially, and that youngster needed that push to stand on their own two feet. I sincerely hope that the funds you are sending him are not cutting in to your own life, and ability to care for yourself [food and necessities]?
Ginger
Perhaps “tough love” played a role in his current issues. Mental conditions require love, understanding and help, not throwing someone away. Life is about more than your occupation. I don’t doubt you want the best for your son, but tough love is not help.
Tough love never helps a highly sensitive and anxiety life child or adult. Tough love from a parent who had tough love rather than boundary’s supported by love is the easy but harmful way to raise a child. It also included slapping and hitting the children.
I had in the later 40’s and 1950’s a Dad that would slap you till you cried. That was what he said was tough love. I had GAD and it became worse as I grew up and really understood how much I hated him. I was glad he died when he was in his 50’s.
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His occupation is accounting. He lives in another state. I’m 85 and unable to go there and help him. My therapist(family) wants me to go to Alananon I will, but really how will That help me?
Perhaps “tough love” played a role in his current issues. Mental conditions require love, understanding and help, not throwing someone away. Life is about more than your occupation. I don’t doubt you want the best for your son, but tough love is not help.
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1 ReactionMy son, whom I trusted, when he was attending college, asked for money for rent. I sent it and the next time I saw him; he had a large colorful tattoo on his back. I asked him if I paid for that and he walked away ot giving me an answer. Just saying , , ,
I too am in a similar “tough love” situation/dilemma, trying to decide if following through will help or hurt. I have a 40 yo who has a job, but only part-time. He depends on us for about 95% of his expenses. He has generalized anxiety and has talked of suicide, but without any plan. He refuses help, and it is desperately needed, because of alcohol involvement, as well. I would welcome any ideas, comments, suggestions from any of you. Is there a therapist in the house?
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1 Reaction@talbot Alanon is an adjunct 12-step program to Alcoholics Anonymous, attended by family and friends of alcoholics and drug addicts. I have not attended these meetings, but have heard that they can offer guidance on how to deal with/live with those affected by substance abuse.
Perhaps an honest conversation with your son regarding his employment situation, what might be keeping him from holding onto a job and how he can remedy that, will help you both. At some point we have to make a decision to "sink or swim", as much as it hurts us. I have known several people who decided to not carry their child financially, and that youngster needed that push to stand on their own two feet. I sincerely hope that the funds you are sending him are not cutting in to your own life, and ability to care for yourself [food and necessities]?
Ginger
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4 ReactionsI have never treated my son with tough love. I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m just thinking if I stop money he will eventually have to get a job.
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1 ReactionWhat do you mean?
Please explain?
Sounds like a really bad idea!
Give an example of "tough love?"
Are you a psychiatrist or mental health worker?
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1 ReactionIf he can’t work because of anxiety or another illness then cutting him off won’t solve that. Anxiety is crippling.
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5 ReactionsI had in the later 40’s and 1950’s a Dad that would slap you till you cried. That was what he said was tough love. I had GAD and it became worse as I grew up and really understood how much I hated him. I was glad he died when he was in his 50’s.
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3 Reactions😭😭😭