1. < Aging Well

Not old enough for Medicare and going broke with company insurance

Posted by jojo58 @jojo58, Aug 28, 2022

I have all kinds of problems with my lumbar, thoracic, and cervical spine. Right now I am dealing with severe stenosis and bulging disc C2-C3. Occipital neuralgia is a kick in the head. I live with my son and his family. I’m caregiver to my two grandsons, 7 and 10 months. I also work full time. This grocery store is known not to pay much but if you start tomorrow you would probably make $2.00 or $3.00 more than me. Anywho, I’m going broke with having to pay co-pays for different specialists. I have to pay $2,500 to have the surgery to fix this with no guarantee of full pain relief. I also need dental work before the surgery. Same deal there. I’m 60 and I can’t afford all this. My parents did say they would pay the upfront for surgery. Is anyone else in this same boat? Sometime after or during Covid something changed. Somebody is getting rich while I go broke. Any suggestions or just opinions welcome 🙏

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jojo58 | @jojo58 | Sep 3, 2022
In reply to @realitytest "Indeed, as long as you were married for at least ten years (and haven't remarried) you..." + (show)
@realitytest

Indeed, as long as you were married for at least ten years (and haven't remarried) you can collected on his benefits - 1/2 even he's still living and remarried, and 100% if he's dead. (I couldn't manage without that! The only help he ever provided, having cheated me out of my legal share of his pension!)

His lawyer was a whiz, while mine was a dud. Our settlement was being drawn up when our son had a terrible breakdown. I was focussed on trying to insure he graduated from High School (he had begun the year as Valedictorian!) and didn't lose his acceptance to Harvard.

For the first time ever I didn't double check such an important contract (written in legalese). Since his father didn't care about his son's crisis, he was able to work brilliantly with his lawyer. Quite a trade-off!

Son's academic stuff was salvaged, but my financial survival was trashed. I didn't even discover it until years later when applying for second son's financial aid to his university.

Thank Heaven for Social Security! I hope future retirees don't lose out on that payback for their long years of labor, during which they paid heavily into the system. I'm still amazed that former spouses are eligible for so much reimbursement - even more if the ex has died - as mine just did. (I had been unable to work while our first son was growing up, as he was seriously mentally and physically disabled, requiring my full attention). Because of his high intellect and academic success, though, he did succeed in acceptance to Harvard - completely paid.
It took everything I had to guide him, though (spending every dime on therapy, special camps, and more), Meanwhile my own life - economic and social, was cancelled.

It seemed his opportunities had been salvaged, though, by my dedicated work with him (he was in super Special Education, beginning with four preschool expulsions and more. He couldn't even attend kindergarten.) That extreme (still unexplicable) breakdown threw everything back into chaos., however.

Somehow I managed to rescue it working with the school and Harvard - at the expense of my rightful share of his father's pension, though - on which my own survival as an elder depended.

And there I am now (but with serious medical disabilities - mobility limits and even looming blindness.) .

Again, my infinite gratitude for the Social Security program!

Jump to this post

I’m sorry to hear about your son. My first husband is deceased. Car wreck and he was a passenger but the seatbelt didn’t work on that side of the owners car. My son was 18 at the time. I thought he was going to do something. Suicide, I was scared to death for him. My husband and I were avid gun collectors, and for home protection. We trained and knew the laws and so did my son. They were put up but he knew where and had his own key. I got them all out of the house and took them to a friend of mine that I could trust and asked him to hold on to them for a while. I couldn’t imagine losing my best friend and then my only child. But anyway all is ok now this was end of 2001. I did remarry. I had known him for 16 years. I was friends with his ex. Boy did I not know what went on behind closed doors. He was lazy and liked to spend money too much. My money. Finally 3 years later I said I’ve had it, we’re done. Didn’t think much about a divorce decree. The legal separation cost a fortune and all the stuff was mine anyway. But then years later someone told me I could collect my deceased husband’s social security as long as I was fully divorced from the idiot. I had to wait till I was 60. I turned 60 this year so I’m in the process of the divorce and change my name back to my previous married name. Then head to social security. I didn’t think I would need a lawyer for that. Hope you and your son are well!

REPLY
1 reply
realitytest | @realitytest | Sep 3, 2022
In reply to @jojo58 "I’m sorry to hear about your son. My first husband is deceased. Car wreck and he..." + (show)
@jojo58

I’m sorry to hear about your son. My first husband is deceased. Car wreck and he was a passenger but the seatbelt didn’t work on that side of the owners car. My son was 18 at the time. I thought he was going to do something. Suicide, I was scared to death for him. My husband and I were avid gun collectors, and for home protection. We trained and knew the laws and so did my son. They were put up but he knew where and had his own key. I got them all out of the house and took them to a friend of mine that I could trust and asked him to hold on to them for a while. I couldn’t imagine losing my best friend and then my only child. But anyway all is ok now this was end of 2001. I did remarry. I had known him for 16 years. I was friends with his ex. Boy did I not know what went on behind closed doors. He was lazy and liked to spend money too much. My money. Finally 3 years later I said I’ve had it, we’re done. Didn’t think much about a divorce decree. The legal separation cost a fortune and all the stuff was mine anyway. But then years later someone told me I could collect my deceased husband’s social security as long as I was fully divorced from the idiot. I had to wait till I was 60. I turned 60 this year so I’m in the process of the divorce and change my name back to my previous married name. Then head to social security. I didn’t think I would need a lawyer for that. Hope you and your son are well!

Jump to this post

Boy, what (another) maddening story about unworthy exes. Thank heavens you were given that information about SS!
A very good thing that you divorced the sleaze who followed your first (rather than a mere legal separation).

I'm so glad you have that well deserved payout coming to you. Yes, I forgot that there's that age limit too. Which reminds me, I guess everybody now knows that there are great differences between what one gets from SS, depending on when one retires.

I didn't have to look into this in my situation, but before you file, be sure to check with a good lawyer about whether your age upon filing matters in your payout.

Probably not, as it's your ex's salary being looked out (and he certainly can't earn more being deceased). It's complicated, though, and in case your age factors in (workers are eligible for much more SS if they delay retirement) , it's worth checking about this aspect of your SS payment. So many important decisions like this, are "once and done" .

For example, I was unable to contest my divorce agreement later when I realized how I had been cheated (something about the "coverture fraction of the marital portion").
Once signed, even though I had been deliberately misled, I was stuck for the rest of my life.

(I'm now receiving $550/month from his pension instead of about $2500/month! Forever. That is, apart from Social Security.)

Thanks for your comment about my son. For the record, when he was finally able to go to Harvard (and even graduated) he remained unable to make the most of that prestigious degree because of his terrible handicaps from toddlerhood. (Thanks to Dad for that too, and abuses). "Little children, little problems; big children, big problems".

He's now driving an ambulance around Boston, where he scarcely makes enough to survive - I hate to think about his future survival especially now that the social safety net is increasingly fraying. His present salary is at the bottom of the ladder, and furthermore, with all the heavy lifting (he's gotten severely overweight) his back is being destroyed. He walks like an old man. Don't know why I can't persuade him to get a few more years of training to qualify for something less physical especially now that Community Colleges are so much reduced in cost. Brilliant though he may be, he remains incapable of planning and organizing.

(Can't help feeling I wasted my own life, working so hard to save his - it was almost a miracle to safeguard the opportunities which enabled him to win acceptance to Harvard! Complicated and sad.)

Best of luck to you!

REPLY
jojo58 | @jojo58 | Sep 4, 2022

If he’s happy doing what he does I wouldn’t worry too much. SS told me I could start collecting my deceased husband’s ss when I turned 60 or I could wait till 67 for full payout. But the shape my body is in I’d never make it. I can start collecting now and still work full time or part time, whatever I need for insurance till 65. When his runs out I’ll collect off mine and have my 401k money from them on. She said in my situation that’s what most women do. Then you have that safety net in case you get fired or can no longer work.

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