Narcissism and relationships

Audrey,
Thank you for your kind words. We do share a bond that reading a book or explaining to someone - well, it just doesn’t quite make it clear to them (& their words often don’t make it quite clear to us … lack of common ground). . And some books I read just left me a bit baffled. I guess at times those two options just don’t quite cut it. (I guess… if you want to travel somewhere ask someone who has been, then comes clarity) How can one love someone who causes us to take the blame for their mistakes ? It’s because we know they are in there, buried deep - the inner child who was dealt things in life that left them somehow rewired and lacking empathy ( they are so busy pushing outward to protect their fragile innards ). They are often a bit like a closed box. When my husband passed people shared stories … I felt like I never knew him when I heard their tales even though I believe I knew him best of all. I feel he missed out on a lot of depth of life … but if that’s all he knew, how could he be missing out ? It was me who was frustrated, hurting and often lonely. He manipulated to protect himself at my expense (& I didn’t even know what he was protecting …. But if he felt called out in any way - for real or imagined reasons, he could be so arrogant or accusing that I would end up apologizing- say what ?!?!?! ) Now how can you explain that to someone who hasn’t lived it?!?? Take care of yourself. That’s the most important thing. Counseling, eating healthy, exercise. The stronger you are in yourself the less the narcissism can touch your heart. You will still see it, but the gaslighting they often use will have less power. Baby steps to be the best you in turn brings you your best life. I wish you strength. You’ve got this !!! The fact that you see there is a problem (& that the problem is not you) becomes the start of the solution ( however that may look in your case ) that much closer. Blessings !!!!! Perhaps I could recommend the Mayo Clinic Handbook to Happiness book by Amit Sood. It’s not on Narcissism- but it is about getting control back into your life and choosing happiness ( or rather choosing to practice steps that bring happiness ).

Heidi there is a good detailed article about narcissism in mayo clinic site you aught to read it before you declare yourself as one in my opinion you don’t fit the bill I might be wrong but a person who is trying to find out and is willing to get help is a rare type of narcissist these people don’t have this trait in them

Mercer...question:
Despite the inexcusable actions of my spouse, something different has happened in our relationship. She apologized 4 the 1st time in our 4 yr marriage, stating she unfairly took her anger and rage inside from her past out on me...and that it was wrong and unfairly done and is sorry with all her heart...as she cried for the 1st time since we've been 2gether. It seemed sincere...and I'm not sure if I'm being played or she knows I'm serious when she was accidentally contacted by my lawyer. ( foxhole prayer..as we called it in the Army)
I do still love her....as she does have this beautiful side that is caring...the side I fell in love with.
I gave her a choice...couples counseling where she gets treated for anger management and won't be able to bullshit the counselor bc I will be there.
So...with that said....my question is this: do you believe it could possibly turn around??..especially if we move from our house next to my mom and drunk brothers..who harass us constantly and are causing the majority of our fights???
Bc I wonder...if we didn't live here all this time with the hatred my family has for her and disapproval of our marriage ...would any of this be happening.
I told you I would be asking questions along the way...and respect ur input...so I am seeking your advice.
Many thanks....Audrey

Forget all the crap I wrote about her apologies and change.....it was all lies and a smokescreen!!... but I'm so fn grateful for the help anyways!!!
I asked her tonight about admitting to the therapist about the abuse when we go to counseling and she asked me what I was talking about!!@
Liar!!!!!!!... covering her a_s!!!!!!!!
More important than our marriage.
Going through with divorce!!!!!
Will have papers served soon!!!
Guess I'm doing this on my own.....
No help here!!!!! Thanks a fn bunch people!!!!!! You know where to fly!!!!!!@@@

I can see the anger in your response---I too felt the same way. Do not lose control of your emotions even though you are completely entitled to feel them. I know it feels like no one will listen or believe you because they are so good at putting on a public persona for others. It turns into a slippery slope---you become more and more upset because you feel like no one cares or is listening. In reality, there are good people who will listen, believe you, and help but when you have been abused you lose sense of trust and end up lashing out, making it difficult to get to the point where you have a strong support system.

I consider myself fortunate to finally have the answer to the abuse, lies and odd behavior. You simply cannot fathom someone you loved enough to marry would be so unloving in return.
I know your post is old and I would be interested if how your situation is currently. I hope you have re-established yourself to being YOU, not the person who was wrongfully broken. It is a struggle---I am a work-in-progress as well. I wish you happiness and the best!