Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

My husband is in the nursing home and I am in poor health. I did the same as you. I agree with the previous poster. Now that is done, you are free to think of things that can bring you peace instead of dread or worry. We all live an unfinished life, but there are things that we can do that are acts of love for those who must deal with our passing. I don't know where we got this silly idea that we are to be ashamed of the natural feelings that come with the milestones of life. It is like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Please feel free to say anything you want. It helps people like me to believe in ourselves. The things that I pray for in my latter years is wisdom and peace.

How to say this, without being offensive. Sure, I think about all those things, sometimes. But my Faith gives me hope for more than you hope for. The cure for depression is hope. If you have hope, you're not depressed. The person who just lost their beloved is sad, of course. But if they have the hope to see them once again, in heaven, it soothes their souls. If they know their loved one no longer suffers, that too helps them. There is a physical state of depression which very much can use prescriptions that work( for an individual). So too, St. John's Wort for those who can't do pharmacudicals. But we are all dying. Think about that for a minute. It's true. The moment one of we humans is born, we are destined to die, someday. Pondering that, is not wrong or odd. It's pragmatic. The older you get, the more this becomes a reality that can be talked about with other oldies. Yet, who says someone can't think about it earlier than when they get to 55, or 60, or 65? I, personallly, have faith (trust) in a God, so I have no fear of dying. I'd rather it not be a painful end, sure. There are whole books about what that "eternal" life will be like. What does someone who doesn't have that to look forward to, do? Not sure. But to think on it, to ponder, and to make decisions that would prolong your life, better the quality of your life here on Earth, those are not sick, or weird. It's normal, if I may use the word "normal" here.

I do not think it is bizarre. The absolutely best thing you can do for your family is having all your plans set before you go. A lot of people are superstitious about this and are afraid something "will happen" if they make arrangements. So not true. You should make plans, know what you want and take steps to make it happen. Leaving it to heirs, family, or whomever, just causes bad feelings and chaos.

@harriethodgson1 As the eldest child I am trying to address this topic with my 90 yr old mother without success. Thank you for sharing as I too agree this is an act of love and kindness.

well said Marilyn. I also suggest you put all those plans in writing and give each family member a copy. Keep a copy in your files, in your computer. Wouldn't hurt to give a copy to your lawyer too. In that way it is YOUR choice, not anyone else's, so bad feelings and guilt should not ensue. You may need to remind everyone it isn't THEIRS to decide.

All of this is in writing and part of our trust. I worked for a probate and trust attorney for 23 years before I finally retired. So I will make this reply a reminder to all who read this to make sure that when and if you decide to make a trust and/or will you should choose a reputable attorney. Not the ones who advertise and take you to lunch. Believe me the money is worth it. We had many cases where we had to "clean up" the messes left with trust not done correctly and assets left out which had to be probated anyway; something that having a trust is supposed to avoid. No good putting them in your computer unless you give your password to get in to someone. We also gave copies of our trust and the accessory documents that go with it to our children so they know exactly what is going on. Again, during my work, we were amazed that parents kept all that secret from their children. Why?

Yes, I have written my own obituary, so my family doesn't have to go thru it. I also have a written document providing information to the administrator of our Trust on methodology for paying monthly and annual obligations as long as my wife is living. After she passes, the Trust will handle disbursement of assets to our children.

Having worked for a probate and trust attorney for 23 years, I see this as practical and logical and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately too many people fail to make their wishes clear due to superstitious fears.

Me too!only recently found out I have lung cancer.already thing about my own funeral! Very strange thoughts still hope Iam just having a bad dream. Thinking will I dream when I am dead??

So very sorry. I don't about dreaming when you are dead, but I can tell you from experience that a really good thing you can do for your family is to make your final arrangements the way you want them. Good luck to you and hugs.