Heart issues and breathing problems and dealing with dementia

Posted by janet7 @janet7, Apr 7, 2022

https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/696897/
I think my husband should be on oxygen while waiting for results of a heart monitor recording his heart beats. Depending on results, he may get a pacemaker. We don’t know how long it will take to get the results and he is having problems breathing. Two doctors have seen him since his hospital visit and neither one suggests oxygen. He wants the do more, but runs out of breath when he tries, so all he can do is sit in a chair. Can someone relate?

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@janet7

So you have a built-in noise stopper!! How very convenient for you! Even so, you can still walk away when he starts with his anger routine. Then maybe he will know you won’t stay with him when he gets angry. Many times, actions speak louder than words. Does he know you can’t hear him or maybe he doesn’t remember your having problems with your hearing! Anyway, you are handling his anger very well
and I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself!

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He doesn't understand that I can't hear him when I don't have the HA/CI in place - like at night in bed. He will talk a lot and get upset when I can't answer. If he talks loudly directly into my one ear that does have some hearing I can respond. But that is tiring and all I want to do at that point is go to sleep. So I just turn over, saying 'good night, sweet dreams, see you in the mornings and I'm now asleep'. He will still talk for a while but finally give up and quiet down. Fortunately as soon as my head hits the pillow I can sleep.

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@billchitwood

He doesn't understand that I can't hear him when I don't have the HA/CI in place - like at night in bed. He will talk a lot and get upset when I can't answer. If he talks loudly directly into my one ear that does have some hearing I can respond. But that is tiring and all I want to do at that point is go to sleep. So I just turn over, saying 'good night, sweet dreams, see you in the mornings and I'm now asleep'. He will still talk for a while but finally give up and quiet down. Fortunately as soon as my head hits the pillow I can sleep.

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Good! You are showing Bill that discussions are not at bedtime. And who knows if he will remember them the next day!
One glorious night, my then
Husband was drinking, as usual, and we had such a wonderful talk about everything, which didn’t happen when he was sober! I went to sleep so grateful to have had this experience with him, and when I mentioned to him the next day how wonderful our talk was last night - guess what! He didn’t remember a thing!
He was in a blackout and must have had more to drink then I thought.
So much for communicating!

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@janet7

My husband Will has Dementia and heart failure. He has Dyslexia and has reading problems and this was not noticed or taken care of when he was growing up.
He excels at card games, Chess, puzzles and Solitaire games of all kinds. He is a tough competitor and doesn’t like to lose but he does so gracefully.
He retired from AT&T installing phone systems and can still get electricity to wherever we need it.
I am really in awe of these precious gifts he has been given and he just turned 79.

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Thank you for your response. My thought is that since I always wanted to
learn how to play Chess, I am encouraging my husband to teach me the game
he used to be so good at.

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@janet7

So you have a built-in noise stopper!! How very convenient for you! Even so, you can still walk away when he starts with his anger routine. Then maybe he will know you won’t stay with him when he gets angry. Many times, actions speak louder than words. Does he know you can’t hear him or maybe he doesn’t remember your having problems with your hearing! Anyway, you are handling his anger very well
and I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself!

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I too had an anger situation last Friday. My husband's anger led him to drive off in his car and in exiting our driveway he hit a stone wall destroying the front end of the vehicle. I was beside myself. I reached out to a neighbor in my shock but now I'm embarrassed and feel awkward that I did so. This anger moment was a very unusual moment for him. He has NEVER displayed this type of behavior. Should I have any follow up with my neighbor?

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I would followup with your neighbor and thank them for their support. I would tell them Bill is not feeling well and he recently gave up driving but he must have forgotten, thus the accident.

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@0616

I too had an anger situation last Friday. My husband's anger led him to drive off in his car and in exiting our driveway he hit a stone wall destroying the front end of the vehicle. I was beside myself. I reached out to a neighbor in my shock but now I'm embarrassed and feel awkward that I did so. This anger moment was a very unusual moment for him. He has NEVER displayed this type of behavior. Should I have any follow up with my neighbor?

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I assume you called his doctor and meds may have to be changed. His anger is a real problem now for all of you. I pray he doesn’t get physical with any of you and I would express this concern with his doctor.
I know the last resort would be a nursing home, but he might end up there if he becomes unmanageable for you and Robin.

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@0616

Thank you for your response. My thought is that since I always wanted to
learn how to play Chess, I am encouraging my husband to teach me the game
he used to be so good at.

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Good idea! And playing games would enable both of you to share your time together and reinforce your relationship.

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@janet7

I would followup with your neighbor and thank them for their support. I would tell them Bill is not feeling well and he recently gave up driving but he must have forgotten, thus the accident.

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I always TRY TO explain, in a kind and gentle and considerate way, that my partner has MCI and early dementia. If they notice anything that gives them concern, please reach out to me. Our neighbors can be kind and good and helpful additional caregivers. If they know the situation, it helps YOU as the caregiver. Understand that it's awkward, but the more the neighbors understand, the eaiser it is for you!.It takes a village...

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@jal333

I always TRY TO explain, in a kind and gentle and considerate way, that my partner has MCI and early dementia. If they notice anything that gives them concern, please reach out to me. Our neighbors can be kind and good and helpful additional caregivers. If they know the situation, it helps YOU as the caregiver. Understand that it's awkward, but the more the neighbors understand, the eaiser it is for you!.It takes a village...

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I most definitely agree with you about letting your neighbors aware of your loved one’s condition. They could be your eyes and ears when you are busy or unable to be with your loved one. For your neighbors to understand what is happening and giving a helping hand when needed, is a blessing to you.

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I was having a problem with feeling tired all day. I told the doctor," put me in the corner and I will be fast asleep'. He must have believed me because he ordered a sleep Apnea test. Next day delivery was at my door with Oxygen and CPAP Machine. It seems my oxygen level dropped to 61%. You might ask the doctor if he will order the sleep Apnea Test.
Gina5009

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