Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?

I have received a lot of feed back on this and I must be honest, I do not like it. Right away everyone assumed I was on the brink of suicide. I am not. It was the way I felt AT THAT TIME. We all say things that we don't really mean. People get angry and say I'll kill that so and so. But they don't go out and kill them. At least sane people don't and I consider myself sane. And why did everyone glom on to those words? Didn't they see my other words where I said I gave my son my solemn promise that I would not harm myself? So, yes, I do appreciate all the concern but I wish they had read the entire post.

Another misinterpretation. I was never going to hurt myself. It was a very bad night and I said those words. Why didn't anyone see I also said I gave my solemn promise to my son that I would never harm myself? I am not in a position to volunteer. Shortly after my husband's death I had to have a full hip replacement. I had to go through this alone. I am still taking physical therapy and need a cane to walk. So volunteering, going out for a walk, etc. are not for me. I have a ways to go yet.

Well, then you had a lot of people concerned and caring for you. You don't scare people and then shut them down when they try to help you. You need to choose your words and feelings better. You said, "a lot of people" so maybe it is you and not us.

Maybe you are right. It is quite possible I have a miscommunication problem. I do appreciate the concern. I tried to convey that but it seems I was wrong there also. I get a lot of help and support from this group. In this one instance it didn't seem to work. I apologize.

Hello again. I did see the post where you mentioned that you were never going to hurt yourself and the promise to your son. I am glad that you reach out to those of us on Connect. Though our situations are not exactly the same, we too have been through the loss of a spouse. Each of us has to find our own way of working through the loss. We can only hope that one of our suggestions will help someone else. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Marilyn, you are not wrong, nor did you miscommunicate. No need to apologize.

In my opinion (and this is only opinion), the community's focus on your well being underlines the connection we all feel to you and to one another.

All members here should feel confident that they can talk about the tough stuff, especially in the moments when we're most vulnerable.

Marilyn... please be kind to yourself...you have every right to be upset...
talk is cheap at times, but words can comfort us also.... you need time
to have the pain subside....believe me, it will. We all send love and
concern to you. Mary

Thank you for your kind words. If it was only the grief for losing my husband to contend with I believe I would be further along. But in addition I had to have a full hip replacement. I went through this alone and it was hell. Anyone who has had to spend time in those so-called skilled nursing facilities will know what I mean. It's the two together that is almost doing me in. But I am now getting around with a cane and that tells me that the hip, at least, is slowly getting better.

Marilyn.....you are a hero....believe me....it takes guts
to overcome adversity.... am proud of you!!!!!!!
Keep going....you are in my prayers.......
Mary

@thisismarilynb Graduating to getting around with a cane is an accomplishment! As we have all heard before, "baby steps". And this goes for everything in our lives, right? It's hard to accept that we cannot simply snap our fingers and have things go back to a sense of normal. It is all a process, much like you are learning about your hip replcement. Gently, I am here to remind you that it is all a journey that we each have not been on before. And when there are multiple factors going at the same time, it can be overwhelming.

I have followed your posts, and am inspired by you. You have such a strength, and also not afraid to show your weakness. That is healthy, believe me! It might not seem so, but there are others reading your words, nodding their heads, finding common ground and gathering their own strength, knowing you have done it/are doing it, and so can they! I for one, look forward to continued reading about your journey of recovery, both physical and emotional. I care about you, as do many, and want nothing but the best.
Ginger