1. < Loss & Grief

Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?

Posted by thisismarilynb @thisismarilynb, Apr 20, 2022

We were married 59 years. I don't feel like a person anymore. Shortly after his death, I had to have a full hip replacement and was alone. I feel I will never be the same. I am not living, only existing.

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Mentor
Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Apr 30, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "Today is gloomy. When I went out to get the paper, it was drizzling. All plans..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

Today is gloomy. When I went out to get the paper, it was drizzling. All plans cancelled. Good day to wash those pots and pans that accumulate that don't go into the dishwasher.
Have you ever had counselling? I have not seen it mentioned on any of the posts. I went to a social worker four times. Last time was yesterday. I quit for two reasons: 1) it was a 23 mile drive each way on Interstate 10; and 2) I really didn't think I got anything from it. Maybe not enough time.

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Hi @thisismarilynb Sorry for the delayed reply. I was offline helping our daughter for a couple days, but am back now. My short answer to your question: Yes, I have done and continue to have counseling and personally have found it immensely helpful to me.

I was in counseling for most of my adult years. A combination of things, but it sure was a huge help to me. My wife and I were also in couples counseling as well as personal counseling and now our adult son and daughter both get regular counseling. I'm pleased we have a view that mental health is as important as our physical health. Plus a recognition that therapists can be as helpful for our health as physicians.

I did have to take a hiatus when my caregiving duties got too all-consuming to allow me time for counseling, but it was one of the top things on my 'to do' list post-caregiving.

Since COVID my therapist and I conduct our sessions via Zoom and are continuing to do that. I think I might like that more -- saves on commuting time and I find I can focus quicker on what I want to talk about.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

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2 replies
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Apr 30, 2022
In reply to @IndianaScott "Hi @thisismarilynb Sorry for the delayed reply. I was offline helping our daughter for a couple..." + (show)
@IndianaScott

Hi @thisismarilynb Sorry for the delayed reply. I was offline helping our daughter for a couple days, but am back now. My short answer to your question: Yes, I have done and continue to have counseling and personally have found it immensely helpful to me.

I was in counseling for most of my adult years. A combination of things, but it sure was a huge help to me. My wife and I were also in couples counseling as well as personal counseling and now our adult son and daughter both get regular counseling. I'm pleased we have a view that mental health is as important as our physical health. Plus a recognition that therapists can be as helpful for our health as physicians.

I did have to take a hiatus when my caregiving duties got too all-consuming to allow me time for counseling, but it was one of the top things on my 'to do' list post-caregiving.

Since COVID my therapist and I conduct our sessions via Zoom and are continuing to do that. I think I might like that more -- saves on commuting time and I find I can focus quicker on what I want to talk about.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

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I went to this person four times. I really didn't get what he was supposed to or going to do to help me. Also it was a 46plus mile round trip on the freeway. Too much stress on top of what I am feeling. I get much more help from all of you on this site.

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Apr 30, 2022
In reply to @IndianaScott "Hi @thisismarilynb Sorry for the delayed reply. I was offline helping our daughter for a couple..." + (show)
@IndianaScott

Hi @thisismarilynb Sorry for the delayed reply. I was offline helping our daughter for a couple days, but am back now. My short answer to your question: Yes, I have done and continue to have counseling and personally have found it immensely helpful to me.

I was in counseling for most of my adult years. A combination of things, but it sure was a huge help to me. My wife and I were also in couples counseling as well as personal counseling and now our adult son and daughter both get regular counseling. I'm pleased we have a view that mental health is as important as our physical health. Plus a recognition that therapists can be as helpful for our health as physicians.

I did have to take a hiatus when my caregiving duties got too all-consuming to allow me time for counseling, but it was one of the top things on my 'to do' list post-caregiving.

Since COVID my therapist and I conduct our sessions via Zoom and are continuing to do that. I think I might like that more -- saves on commuting time and I find I can focus quicker on what I want to talk about.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

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I have been following this conversation. @IndianaScott, you have been so kind in talking about your experiences and what has been working for you! Thank you for being so open. I just wanted to add that this post is "right on"! Our mental/emotional health needs rank up there with physical health, and it is a gift to ourselves to pursue those needs.
Ginger

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thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Apr 30, 2022
In reply to @colleenyoung "Oh dear, that's puzzling, especially since the physical therapist didn't have any ideas either. Keep that..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

Oh dear, that's puzzling, especially since the physical therapist didn't have any ideas either. Keep that walker nearby. I might suggest calling your doctor or 911 if this happens again.

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Last night was fine. Hopefully this was a one-off. Have plans to do many things this weekend. Finally need some groceries and a Target run. Decided to do it on Saturday and Sunday instead of all in one day. Some household stuff needs to be done as well. Even as grief swallows you up, some things go on and on and you need to do them.

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1 reply
Mentor
Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | May 1, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "Last night was fine. Hopefully this was a one-off. Have plans to do many things this..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

Last night was fine. Hopefully this was a one-off. Have plans to do many things this weekend. Finally need some groceries and a Target run. Decided to do it on Saturday and Sunday instead of all in one day. Some household stuff needs to be done as well. Even as grief swallows you up, some things go on and on and you need to do them.

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Howdy, @thisismarilynb Nice to hear your evening was an OK one! I hope your grocery and Target run were/are also fun. Personally, I think meandering the aisles at Target is one of my favorite pastimes!

The grocery store is altogether different for me. I make my list, stick to it 100%, and get in and out as fast as I can -- especially with how much our food prices have gone up here! I have sworn off my biggest guilty pleasure, pretzels, as I watched their price get to a level I refuse to pay, especially since the bags have fewer in them.

I hope you have a sunny day today. We've got a couple days of rain here, but things are greening up nicely and my lilac is about to flower, which I love!

While life is certainly a roller coaster, I hope today is a good one for you!
Strength, Courage, & Peace
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1 reply
leerizz | @leerizz | May 1, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "The cleaner contacted me. Apparently I got the date wrong. So that hassle is settled. I..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

The cleaner contacted me. Apparently I got the date wrong. So that hassle is settled. I did go out and get the mail. It is a block and a half away. So it was nice being out in the fresh air. Maybe I will take a little walk tomorrow as well. Supposed to be even warmer. I run cold so I do enjoy the warmer weather. Feeling relaxed enough to turn on the TV and Watch Iron Chef. I know the show is old, but I love watching their knife techniques and the way they present their food. So much better than seeing people popping out of their clothes and committing mayhem all over the place.

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Praying for you Miss Marilyn.

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1 reply
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | May 1, 2022
In reply to @leerizz "Praying for you Miss Marilyn." + (show)
@leerizz

Praying for you Miss Marilyn.

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Thank you so much. Only five words but they make my day better.

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2 replies
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | May 1, 2022
In reply to @IndianaScott "Howdy, @thisismarilynb Nice to hear your evening was an OK one! I hope your grocery and..." + (show)
@IndianaScott

Howdy, @thisismarilynb Nice to hear your evening was an OK one! I hope your grocery and Target run were/are also fun. Personally, I think meandering the aisles at Target is one of my favorite pastimes!

The grocery store is altogether different for me. I make my list, stick to it 100%, and get in and out as fast as I can -- especially with how much our food prices have gone up here! I have sworn off my biggest guilty pleasure, pretzels, as I watched their price get to a level I refuse to pay, especially since the bags have fewer in them.

I hope you have a sunny day today. We've got a couple days of rain here, but things are greening up nicely and my lilac is about to flower, which I love!

While life is certainly a roller coaster, I hope today is a good one for you!
Strength, Courage, & Peace

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It is coming up today. I got up and got the paper. I seem to be fine. Yesterday afternoon I was able to change the bed and wash, dry and fold the sheets. A feat for me these days. I still have one more laundry load to do today. Sometimes these mundane things are the ones that keep you going. My grocery lists are also much smaller. No more chips and crackers. My husband loved them. The good thing for me is that I have lost almost 15 lbs. just by not eating them anymore. I still have one guilty pleasure left. I like a drink of soda pop at night while I am lying in bed either reading or watching TV. The price has gone up by I am still buying it. I justify it by saying I only drink one glass per day. My mental outlook has improved a tiny bit. Now I am wondering if that long drive back and forth on the freeway negated everything he was supposed to help me with. Hope you have good Sunday. I will trade you some sunshine for some water. We really need it here.

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1 reply
leerizz | @leerizz | May 1, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "Thank you so much. Only five words but they make my day better." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

Thank you so much. Only five words but they make my day better.

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Amen. We all need prayer, hugs and emotional and spiritual support to gain strength from one another on our journey. Loss is a steep mountain to climb so it's best not to climb it alone. We may not always reach the summit, but the hills and valley hold their treasures as well. Don't give up hope. Persevere however you can, with an in-person support group, a choir, prayer group and always knowing that our reunion with our loved ones in heaven awaits.

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