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Severe depression. Complete sadness and withdrawal from things I used to like.
After my husband passed away 4 years ago, I met somebody new. Things were going very well in the begining. As time passed, I came to realize my new friend was very possessive and obsessed with me. He is also a borderline alcoholic. The times when he had his Tequila shots, he became a very mean drunk. But yet I kept taking him back into my life. I truly love this man and we planned on getting married next month. But after all his accusations and lies and petty bullshit, I don't know what to do. I am very much in love with him, but I am getting physically sick over all this crap. I cry everyday. I don't eat or sleep much anymore. And yet I still want him in my life. Maybe I have a problem too. My son adores him. My son is a Downs Syndrome young adult and he doesn't understand why Glenn hasn't called or seen us in a while. Please somebody give me some advice and help.
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Hi,
I am sorry about your situation. I am glad that you mention that you may need help. In my opinion, when we don't let go of what hurts us and makes us unhappy we need help. One can love someone and still let go. You should not love a person more than you love yourself. It sounds like this love is hurting you and love is not supposed to hurt. Also, even though your son adores him, your son is learning about relationships from you and they should be healthy ones.
Sometimes, love or our self worth can make us become co-dependent on dysfunctional relationships. I too have made poor choices but there comes a time when we need to walk away and allow people to get their own help and fix their own issues. I would advise you to put your son and you first and get some counseling. If this man is willing to get himself the help he needs that to will be great but you can't fix him. We are responsible for our recovery and it is wonderful that you have been supportive because everyone needs support when they are suffering. However, it seeks like you are putting his needs before your own and working harder than he is. Take a step back and analyze your actions? Are you helping him? Are you happy? Is it worth it rather than be alone? Do you deserve to be in a healthy relationship?
I think you know what you have to do and I wish you and all your loved ones a healthier and peaceful year.
R
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1 ReactionI woud think would my husband who passed put me through this or what would he have thought of all of this.I think it is time to move on you do not deservr to be treated like that!Maybe explain that you really do not know what happened,he deserves a positive role model.could you find a activity or club that would be good for him or a job.Give glenn no choice get help,see how it goes and talk to someone a counselor yourself. good luck to you and follow your heart!
I am living with an alcoholic. Personally, I dont believe one can be borderline alcoholic. its almost like saying a little bit pregnant. There are so many kinds or styles of alcoholism, you 'should' go to an Alenon Meeting to learn how to live with, or deal with this disease. Before getting married.
Not all Alenon Meetings are suited to everyone. I went to TWO before finding a wonderful group of people here by me locally. So, dont fret or give up if the first one doesnt suite you.
Also, Alenon produces several books to help you get through each day with a healthy state of mind. When you go, you might buy one and find support by reading them.
Only he can decide whether to go to AA. You cant FIX him. Its not your job to. But, you have to realise his behaviour is def going to effect your baby boy.
I would def postpone your wedding for a year or so, until you realise that, if he is an alcoholic, the alcohol will always come before you and your son. Until he chooses to get clean.
You are NOT ALONE!!! Get your butt to Alenon asap!!! God Bless Sweetie.
It is difficult, if not impossible, to fix a person who is alcohol dependent, especially when your energies are sinking and you have a dependent son to care for. Your self respect is at its lowest now. Gather all strength that you can muster and get out of this relationship, which is draining you. Take support of friends/ relatives. Visiting a counselor is the best thing you can do for yourself and marrying now is the worst thing you can do for yourself.
May my good wishes help you in your difficult time.
I was once married to an alcoholic. I thought that when we married things would change for the better. Things got worse the relationship turned abusive. I left the marriage while my kids were young. Although it hurts to watch someone you love have this disease you should not stay in the relationship. Separate and allow yourself the freedom to have your breathing room. I tried Al Anon it was not for me. i went to a therapist and worked thru my issues and also placed my children with a child psychologist. I have been divorced now for 8 years and my ex is still a raging alcoholic who is not in the picture. I am remarried now to a wonderful man. You and your childrens well being and safety are much more important than trying to help your alcholic partner. You can be supportive but live in separate households while your partner decides what theywant to do.
Hello,
I have depression problem as well. I am getting help. Talk this over with counsellor or relationship therapist .you will feel a lot better .When something's bothering me I do not tell to the person I'm feeling this .When you love a person sometimes you take everything he does even if it hurts us.Marrying this person it's like committing yourself to get worst .Having a Relationship is base on trust ,love, and respect. Best wishes to you.