Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?

Hi @wealshiremedina I was sorry to read of your loss of your husband to such tough diseases and then the loss of your Labradoodle (I'm a Labrador guy myself). It is so very hard to manage emotions of one loss, let alone with life stacks them up on you. My wife and I were married for 42 years during which 14 of them were during her battle with brain cancer. To me, some parts of the void are simply impossible for me to fill no matter how hard I try or how hard I try to ignore them. They are just a part of my life that I try to embrace as best I can

My emotions are still raw in many ways, which constantly amazes, and sometimes irritates, me!. I cannot watch any TV that isn't something with a happy ending (I watch a lot of old reruns) and I cry like a baby whenever I watch a Disney movie with our grandsons!

I hope you know, while you have lost a LOT, there are folks here pulling for you and wishing the best for you!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Strength, courage and peace to you also. We are all on the same road, but at different places. In my case, I have found some help and most of all some peace. I wish that for all of you.

That is lovely to read, @thisismarilynb Today is one of those days for me where I miss my wife more than most. Just wanted to share a memory with her...

Unfortunately yesterday was a very bad day for me. I could not get the memory out of my head of visiting my husband and he said to me "I wish they would leave me alone. I want this to go fast." At the time I was speechless. But the memory kept playing and playing and I wound up crying all day. But today is another day. The sky is blue and the sun is shining. I, too, would like to share a memory with him. Hopefully things will be a bit easier today. I need to swiffer the floors. That should take my mind off this and onto more mundane things. I am beginning to think that our lives will always be intertwined no matter how much time passes.

Hi @thisismarilynb I, too, hope today is a better day! I totally agree that our lives with our lived one will be forever entwined. I tell people I was married for 42 years, so ask me how I’m feeling in about another 40 years. Personally, I have no interest or intention of erasing my wife from my life and especially from my memories. Yes, some are painful and sorrowful, but there are so many sweet ones too.

Keeping busy is good 🙂 I’ll follow your lead and vacuum now!

Today is gloomy. When I went out to get the paper, it was drizzling. All plans cancelled. Good day to wash those pots and pans that accumulate that don't go into the dishwasher.
Have you ever had counselling? I have not seen it mentioned on any of the posts. I went to a social worker four times. Last time was yesterday. I quit for two reasons: 1) it was a 23 mile drive each way on Interstate 10; and 2) I really didn't think I got anything from it. Maybe not enough time.

Just finished reading through everything. I want to thank all of you for caring and sharing and I want all of you to know how much it helps. Thank you.

Was today a better day today, Marilyn?

Unfortunately it was not. For a reason I cannot explain, I had a lot of severe pain in my legs. I didn't know what I should do. Wondered if I needed to call 911. I keep a walker by my bed in case I need to get up at night. I knew I needed to get out of bed and thankfully the walker was there. Made my way to the bathroom. As I was sitting, the pain started to abate. So just sat there until it was gone. Got back into bed and was able to fall asleep. Told my physical therapist about it today but she did not have an answer. However this clouded my whole day. But tomorrow is another day and we hope for the best.

Oh dear, that's puzzling, especially since the physical therapist didn't have any ideas either. Keep that walker nearby. I might suggest calling your doctor or 911 if this happens again.