Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?

Yes, I am definitely a fan. Watched until almost midnight. Here they are on the Cooking Channel on Saturday nights. So I did not get up until 10:00 Am this morning. Just finished a bigger breakfast than I usually have, but probably will only have one other smaller meal today.
The sun is shining but the wind is blowing. From my window I see the trees waving quite a bit. I am definitely rethinking about going out for a walk. Of the three things you wished me right now I have peace. Haven't felt that way for a long time, so thank you.

Good morning, @thisismarilynb Congrats on feeling peaceful! One out of three and if you were a major league baseball player you'd be batting .333 and making some outrageous money 🙂

We, too, have wind here today and are having our usual April rollercoaster weather. 85 the other day and now back into the 50s but things are finally turning green and I have buds on our lilac bush. My wife and I bought it at the local garden store at an end of season sale. They said it probably wouldn't live and I got it for less than a dollar with the promise I wouldn't complain if it died. Now, some 18 years later it is huge, blossoms wonderfully every spring, and I love the aroma when I walk out our front door since it reminds me of my grandmother who loved lilac and had lilac-scented shelf paper everywhere in her room in our house when I was growing up.

In keeping with my 'To Do' list, I have a Facetime call with a former colleague of mine. I remember as a kid thinking the ultimate in science fiction would be if I could ever see who I was talking to on the telephone -- and now we can. It still amazes me and will make for a few fun minutes today.

Once again I hope the sun is shining on you and your day goes well!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

I passed the one-year mark of my husband's death at the end of March. We would have celebrated our 25th anniversary this year. The first year was so lonely with all but our youngest daughter 1200 miles away. Work was challenging as there were many days I didn't feel motivated to work and co-workers really don't want to hear your stories of "When my husband and I used to..." My only life-long friend lives 1200 miles away, but we talk a few days a week. Finding this site has helped me so much. I don't always post, but I know if I need to talk there is someone on Connect that has been in my situation and can offer words of encouragement that will get me through one more day. Live one day at a time and don't participate in events if you're not ready. Having our five grown children, grandson and daughter-in-law in town for my husband's one-year memorial (we couldn't do anything last year as one of our daughters was going through breast cancer treatment) really gave me peace. We spread their dad's ashes at sea; it was a beautiful ceremony. Everyone stayed in town for 3-4 days, we laughed, cried, and did activities that their dad used to love. I'm doing better now, still have sad days, but don't have that daily dread that I'm alone, or anger that he was taken away from me too early at age 60. Give yourself grace and go at your own pace. There is no expiration on grief, just different phases.

so sorry to hear of your loss....having cared for and lost 10 family members
I may be able to offer a word or two of support. Please have patience
with yourself...and realize the pain will subside over time...and, of course,
you will never forget the love.. because after all is said and done, love
is all there is.... be brave, love yourself for loving your beloved and trust
in hope..... you are not alone.

Good morning @dg0797 I am sorry to read of your loss, but was uplifted by your post. Thanks for posting it!

It is wonderful to read you find support through Connect! It was a wonderful, supportive find for me, too. In grief, we all feel so alone since aloneness is thrust upon us without our permission or desire for it.

I smiled thinking about your gathering and that you decided to do some of the activities your husband loved! So special. My wife had identified five bodies of water when wanted her ashes spread upon and while it took us two years to get them all done, we did it and it was such a calming event for me each time and like you brought laughter and tears.

I, too, agree that there is no expiration or timeline on grief. I was also not particularly ready for the rollercoaster of grief and its triggers, those expected and those that continue to surprise me.

Wishing you Strength, Courage, & Peace

Finding this group has been a lifeline for me because at first I did believe I was alone. I have no family close by and only a couple of friends left. At my age most of my contemporaries have passed away. I sometimes wonder why I am still here. It is extremely difficult but I promised my oldest son I would not harm myself. I believe it would be a sin. Perhaps that is why I am still here? To suffer? I don't know. It has been less than a year and the pain is still great and at times unbearable. Then I get an email from someone in this group and it is like a ray of sunshine. Thank you so much for caring.

So many of your feelings mirror my own. It has not yet been a year for me and the pain is very great. I had my husband longer than you did - 59 years. An entire part of my life and being has been ripped away. Do I even have enough years left to feel any better? No one knows. His ashes are still with me and I get some comfort talking to him. After his death I had a full hip replacement. Had to get through this alone. I really did think at times that I would die but I am still here. Still going for physical therapy and not finding it easy to walk yet. My therapists are wonderful and assure me I will get through this. At some point I will be able to go ahead and honor his wishes regarding his final remains, but not yet.

I know just how you feel as I feel the same way.I was 16 when I met him. We too were married 59 years. I was also his caregiver so feel like I not only lost him but kind of lost my job. I do feel alone.

Feeling alone is the worst. Especially at night. I was not a caregiver. His death was an accident. But while he lived for the short time after, I drove every day to visit. It was a long drive on the freeway and I always felt each drive might be my last. But I survived and he didn't. People keep telling me it will get better. But not yet. I have known two women who lost a child. I cannot even conceive of that kind of pain. But they got through it so I think we will as well. It's all a matter of time. In a few months it will be a year. A milestone for which I am unprepared. But of course we are always unprepared for any of this. Maybe it is just a day to stay in bed and just grieve. I hope you start to feel better soon. Try to have the attitude that this too shall pass. Kindest regards.

Hello everyone,

I am so thankful for you all! I lost my husband of 54 years last August after a 10 yr battle with Parkinsons and Dementia. Three weeks ago I said my final good-bye to my wonderful sweet Sydney, my 10 year old mini Labradoodle. I am so lost and broken. I feel like everything has been taken from me.

Linda