1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Posted by Julie Chitwood @billchitwood, Feb 25, 2022

Bill uses a computer everyday, and has nothing but problems with it. He blames his Dell and I'm pretty sure it is the user lol. He has decided to buy another one (second in a year) and going to very suspect sites. If he does get a new one it won't 'work' for him either! Once again he asked me for our address.

He still has enough memory to think he knows what he is doing. I've had to get us out of quite a few scams that he has fallen for (keeps buying hearing aids while having an excellent pair). I don't know how to protect our finances from him - at least not without major battles. So far in the past year he has bought two computers. One I could give our math teacher daughter for her school (non returnable). The other is his Dell. He also has a working Lenovo, which he says is bad - besides having a crack from his throwing it, it does work ok.

He wants to buy every ad he sees on TV - especially supplements that his doctor says are bad for him. I hid the credit card but some sites we use are auto pay and in spite of everything he remembers how to access those.

Any suggestions?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

janet7 | @janet7 | Mar 18, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "I know what you are facing. Bill hasn't been driving (thank heavens!) for over two years..." + (show)
@billchitwood

I know what you are facing. Bill hasn't been driving (thank heavens!) for over two years - doesn't leave the house - but is now insisting we need to buy a new expensive car (ours sits in the garage a lot lol). He also has a thing for wanting to buy everything advertised on the TV and responds to spam emails. Gets irate when I stop him. I have to be constantly on the alert. Nerve racking. Once he buys something then he wants me to get him out of it.

Jump to this post

Yes, I always have to fix scams for him and have lost money to some. He
goes online and orders all kinds of things he doesn’t need or thinks he
needs. He has a long list of “saved later” items just waiting for him to
buy. He’s obsessed with these electric bikes that are quite expensive and
at our age (79 and 81) I personally don’t think it isn’t safe to be riding
them. I sent mine back because I am afraid of them.
I finally wrote to his 2 sons about what is happening with their Dad, and
have heard back from his oldest son, agreeing we should be looking into
assisted living.
Just not sure if we can afford it any more.

REPLY
1 reply
Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Mar 18, 2022
In reply to @janet7 "Yes, I always have to fix scams for him and have lost money to some. He..." + (show)
@janet7

Yes, I always have to fix scams for him and have lost money to some. He
goes online and orders all kinds of things he doesn’t need or thinks he
needs. He has a long list of “saved later” items just waiting for him to
buy. He’s obsessed with these electric bikes that are quite expensive and
at our age (79 and 81) I personally don’t think it isn’t safe to be riding
them. I sent mine back because I am afraid of them.
I finally wrote to his 2 sons about what is happening with their Dad, and
have heard back from his oldest son, agreeing we should be looking into
assisted living.
Just not sure if we can afford it any more.

Jump to this post

We are selling our home (which is too much for me to maintain) and moving in with my daughter - who went through this with her husband). One minute Bill is fine with it as he doesn't want to go into a nursing home - the next he wants us to buy another big house that he will take care of. He has CKD among other things and can hardly walk. Going to the bathroom exhausts him.

REPLY
1 reply
Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Mar 19, 2022
In reply to @janet7 "I am sorry but I can’t see all you wrote. I am having a problem signing..." + (show)
@janet7

I am sorry but I can’t see all you wrote. I am having a problem signing in.

@janet7

Jump to this post

Hi Janet, since you were able to post your message, you are signed in. If you're having issue, send me an email using this form: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/contact-a-community-moderator/

REPLY
1 reply
purpleturtle | @purpleturtle | Mar 19, 2022
In reply to @janet7 "My husband has adopted the habit of waking up after a few hours of sleeping, playing..." + (show)
@janet7

My husband has adopted the habit of waking up after a few hours of
sleeping, playing Solitaire in his recliner for a few hours, and then back
to bed. I wonder if this habit has changed him. It seems the last few weeks
he has changed from the energetic enthusiastic man I know into an old man
who walks slow, talks slow, and is just tired of it all. He even talked
about giving some items away to other family members. But he does keep
buying expensive items. I know I will have to make changes so he cannot
continue to put us into debt.

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Is he on an antidepressant?? My LO was put on one and it seemed to help his depression

REPLY
1 reply
janetlux89 | @janetlux89 | Mar 19, 2022
In reply to @purpleturtle "Is he on an antidepressant?? My LO was put on one and it seemed to help..." + (show)
@purpleturtle

Is he on an antidepressant?? My LO was put on one and it seemed to help his depression

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In the past, he did have a problem with Depression and went to a counselor for awhile. Since this episode, he has been on anti-depression pills on a regular basis.

REPLY
2 replies
janet7 | @janet7 | Mar 19, 2022
In reply to @colleenyoung "Hi Janet, since you were able to post your message, you are signed in. If you're..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

Hi Janet, since you were able to post your message, you are signed in. If you're having issue, send me an email using this form: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/contact-a-community-moderator/

Jump to this post

Thank you for your emails and all the helpful information. I think I am
able to sign in now and I am Janet Lux with a profile picture of my husband.

REPLY
janet7 | @janet7 | Mar 19, 2022
In reply to @janetlux89 "In the past, he did have a problem with Depression and went to a counselor for..." + (show)
@janetlux89

In the past, he did have a problem with Depression and went to a counselor for awhile. Since this episode, he has been on anti-depression pills on a regular basis.

Jump to this post

The contact I have joined here in North
Carolina is called

Alzheimer's Association

They also have the trial groups I was thinking about for Will.

REPLY
purpleturtle | @purpleturtle | Mar 19, 2022
In reply to @janetlux89 "In the past, he did have a problem with Depression and went to a counselor for..." + (show)
@janetlux89

In the past, he did have a problem with Depression and went to a counselor for awhile. Since this episode, he has been on anti-depression pills on a regular basis.

Jump to this post

He slight depression after he retired and was on s low dose. It has been increased since his dementia diagnosis as his depression got much worse. It seems to help. No way he will see a counselor
.

REPLY
janet7 | @janet7 | Mar 19, 2022
In reply to @billchitwood "We are selling our home (which is too much for me to maintain) and moving in..." + (show)
@billchitwood

We are selling our home (which is too much for me to maintain) and moving in with my daughter - who went through this with her husband). One minute Bill is fine with it as he doesn't want to go into a nursing home - the next he wants us to buy another big house that he will take care of. He has CKD among other things and can hardly walk. Going to the bathroom exhausts him.

Jump to this post

I also have joined a free program:

admin@alzconnected.org

For patients and caregivers for those with Alzheimer’s/Dementia

REPLY
1 reply
Julie Chitwood | @billchitwood | Mar 26, 2022

Yesterday was a hard day. Getting ready for the move. I commented to Bill about the A/C guy and agent being there earlier and he couldn't remember anyone in the house - even when I explained who they were and that he had talked to them - no clue. Then later he announced that since I didn't love him he was going to move in with his son in Utah (who has indicated that he can't take care of his Dad). The reason I don't love him, according to him, is that I didn't stay next to him all day and talk to him. Actually I was near him most of the time. Moving does require work however. His 'you don't love me' is coming up on almost a daily basis. He has also started talking in his sleep most nights now. Oh, and he said that when he is outside lately he hears people talking about his sister being sick (she died years ago). He had me go outside to listen. I did hear a couple of birds so guessing that is what he heard.

I have no idea of how to reassure him. It only works for a short while.

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