Loneliness: Why am I depressed?

Hi. I am 70 years old also. We lost our precious emotional support dog May 30, 2021. We had a house fire when we were at a movie theater. Our cell phones were off during the movie when the fire department was trying to reach us. My neighbor called me on our drive home to tell me Belah was 'gone.' I thought she meant Belah had run away, but she died in the fire. We lost everything, but losing Belah was by far the greater loss. She was only 5 years old and loved by everyone who met her. She was my bff. I trained her myself. Our neighbors cried with us over our and their loss. We put a memorial on the property and laid her to rest on the property. My husband said burying her was the hardest thing he has ever had to do. He is 70 yrs old also. I thought I was dying from a broken heart. My heart shutdown--to keep from breaking, I think--but the emotions were raw and we were so vulnerable. I cried day after day, I couldn't sleep at night. We were homeless which actually was a blessing because we had no home without her anyway. She was our 'child' and our life. She kept us active and kept us exploring life. I could not take the grief and pain so after 2 weeks of going from motel to motel, I called the breeder that we had gotten Belah from and told her what happened. She said she had some 6 week-old puppies that would be ready for a new home. We bought one and named her Emma. Emma is not Belah and she 'weathered' the homelessness and riding in the car a great deal extremely well. Although I still grieve for Belah, Emma has done so much for me and my husband, as if she knew we were in grief. It took me awhile to not feel guilty about caring for another dog and since she is not Belah it took time but I am so much better emotionally and dealing better with life and my depression having Emma in our life. We have no regrets about getting Emma.

i hadn't thought of that and i can't imagine doing what? i might like that though.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. .at least I had finally made it home from the hospital. Maybe Harley waited for me? Not a lot of people understand losing a pet, how hard it is. I just now received Harley's remains from the vet. They included a little clump of hair that I will treasure til the day I die. Also a little blue plaque with his footprint that I don't really recognize.
When I found Harley I was just driving down the street with my daughter. I saw the Pet Shop and had to turn in. I had a dog at home that was already dying, my Maggie May. Sweetest Golden Retriever ever and my little helper. She was the first one to run outside and help bring in the groceries, the one to bring in the paper even if it wasn't ours. And.she had to carry the mail. Those were her jobs. She woke us up in the mornings by jumping on our bed and trying to get under the covers with us. That was exciting, my squealing and laughter and Maggie's snuffling. I was losing her and I knew it but I wasn't in the market for new dog. No dog could ever replace Maggie. But we walked in to the shop and in the back was a small fenced area. I got butterflies in my stomach and I knew they had something over there. I love dogs. So I went over, and the first little guy to come over was Harley. I looked down, he looked up and showed me his beautiful, chocolate brown eyes, and I was reeled in like a trout. I picked him up, he didn't like to be picked up ever. He turned into Superman always. Anyway, he was so soft and beautiful. I took him right home. It was serendipitous that I had the money bc that little one was expensive. Never for one day have I ever regretted getting my boy and bringing him home with me. From that day he was my baby and bff. We did everything together. Now I'm supposed to wait however many years until we can move to someplace with a yard. Well, I've lived with my kids for 8 years and we haven't moved yet. Honestly, at our age we dont know.how much time we have left. I need to fill my arms back up. What would you do Linda?

The deeper the love, the deeper the grief. I had that same thought when I read ur first blog . . . that Harley waited for you. He needed to know you were safe. My father always had a dog and I have had dogs all my life. My other dogs got old and sick and two had to be helped to cross the rainbow bridge because they were in too much pain. I was prepared and losing a pet when not prepared is very painful. 15 yrs ago we had a dog that had gotten very old and she passed. What I did was volunteered at a no-kill shelter and cared for the dogs as best I could (I suffer from chronic pain.) Sometimes, it would be just washing dog and cat dishes. On good days, I could cuddle with my new friends. After six months, after going to the shelter nearly every day, and I was still grieving my loss, a dog was brought in who had lost her master in a motorcycle accident. His family did not want the dog. Her name was Missy. She was old and I adopted her and she only lived 3 years with us. That is what I would do. I would volunteer at a shelter.

Provisions in Minneapolis is a great place to volunteer. Check out their website to see if it is a good fit for you and your talents.

@theai i, too, like the idea of volunteering online. In my town, there are some groups that use people who can make calls from home. One group, for isolated elderly, has a volunteer call several times a week, and have a friendly conversation. Another group, Meal on Wheels, has a volunteer make calls setting up replacement drivers. See if your town has a volunteer connection site where they list all the open positions. Try it, you’ll have fun!

I agree. But it's complicated. I was once part of a group where several people said they were told by their parents not to bring up negative feelings at dinner time. As for me, I'm still looking for more of those safe places. This seems to be a place where it is o k.

I have been depressed for a very long time, think years. (Off and on) . I have had dogs, which brought me so much joy and comfort. But on February 7 my little Shi Tzu passed away at home. He got up from the end of the couch and started walking and fell off.
I asked my son to.Please put him back on the couch, he was just laying on the floor. My son bent down to get his attention, and he said, "oh mom, I think he's gone". He picked up his lifeless little body and his head hung down like it never would in life. My bff was gone, and my heart was broken. I had been in the hospital for 3 days before that, and I knew he wasnt well. I went home on the night of the 6th and he died the next morning. Now I am so untethered, and loose I don't know what to do with myself. I still have his food, medicine, coat, etc. He is all around me, but I can't touch him. My heart is full of longing for him, and my arms are so aching and empty. My grown kids don't understand this i think. They say they do but I'm not so sure. Ive been on shaky ground since 2006 and now since losing Harley its so much worse. I'm so lonely, no friends, isolation. I want another dog and ive been looking but my kids say no, not right now. Their opposition is normal. I let Harley mess up the living room rug. He was very hard to train, especially through my depression. I didnt want to move..so I don't blame them. But, I hurt so much. I'm afraid that without a dog I will decline further. I'm 70 years old in a few days and I think another dog would help me immensely, help me wake up a little, out of my depression. I don't know if they realize truly how fragile I am right now. I feel like I'm at a crossroad where I could go this way or that. What do I do?? Has anyone ever been in this situation? I think I will get Harley's little body back from the vet today. Can anyone help me?
Thanks for letting me bend your ear.

i am so sorry for your loss. i had to give up my sweet little dog years ago because of moving reasons, but i know its not the same. yet i feel compassion for you and i know that losing your baby is like losing a child. i also know that is how i would feel. i have a cat but even that's not the same because cat's are independent. dog's are loving and just want to please their guardians. they are constantly loving. i think you should get another dog whenever the moment is right, as long as you are not trying to replace your little Shi Tzu. this will be a brand new (or old) dog with its own personality bringing you love in its own way. i hope you will consider adopting from a kill shelter even if its not a puppy. you never know what you might find...or what might find you.

@dannybee and @theai and other animal lovers, you may also wish to take part in these related discussions:
- Loss and grief resulting from death of a pet https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/loss-and-grief-resulting-from-death-of-a-pet/
– Equine Therapy is Horses Helping People: How do horses help? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/equine-therapy-is-horses-helping-people-how-do-horses-help/
- The value of an animal https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/the-value-of-an-animal/