Could you elaborate at how you came to your brilliant deduction?

Sure, I worked in womens health for many years, talking openly with people (patients as well as close friends an relatives...about many intimate issues.) Funny how some people are ok so harsh and condeming...usually that is out of fear or guilt with themselfs...Imagination has more than likely saved alot of relationships. It is a human trait, not all have or utilize it but be accepting of it. Have you ever imagined anything? My guess is that the way your reacting to this is a resounding YES.

I do not agree, being one who has done things society does not accept through running fantas's for years. Things are never as good as fantasies make it seem.
I have spent time behind bars partially attributed to loss of control and trying to full fill fantasy. I am now looking back over a long life and allot of it spent in fantasy, it is a wasted time. Reality is so much more truthful and full filling, more vibrant and enjoyable, it is what brings life to how we live.

Let's be a bit more realistic. You had /have control problems, most of us do not to the extent of breaking the law. Hey what ever works for you now appears to keep your impulses under control...good thing it sounds like.
But your inclination to spend so much time in fantasy land is/was abnormal. Most people have very sporatic visits there and it harms no one. Objectivity is helpful with harsh views.....temprance too. Good Luck.

I agree that reality is the best place to be. Although a married man and I had an emotional affair with lots of fantasy sex for over a year, it was very harmful to me and to him. I believe that the reality I experienced was the realization that my marriage was over. I am now going through marital separation and will be divorced soon. Although I think of the married man occasionally now, I realize that he is stuck in a very unhappy marriage and is basically, going to live out his life believing the lies he chooses to tell himself. I prefer to face reality, move on and find true love and sexual intimacy with a man that will be faithful to me (and not practice imaginative sex with himself while thinking of me). God knows that we are humans on this earth and we do need one another, we need to experience intimacy with another person in order to be fulfilled as a man or a woman.

My dream man would simply see everyone as soul, leaving sexuality out of it. Sex would be something solely with me to create a deeper sense of connection. Unfortunately, men are not built this way physically. And women have desires also. Until we shed these bodies they will always get in our way of true spirituality and respect for each other.

I have had a wife that had a sexual relationship in a fantasy type of way with another man for a year and a half. The fantasy during the relationship was almost abusive. Fantasies, to some extent are real, but when someone lets them take over a relationship it can be devestating. Many times during the most wonderful parts of our intimate moments, my wifes mind seemed to be elsewhere. We suffered a terrible separation and I am still realing from the effects. Even though I thought the relationship was ok to a certain extent, I always felt violated. I am not sure how to explain how something in a relationship changes, but one can tell. It is a hard road to follow when someone leaves the relationship to pursue something else.

Your wife's mind seemed to be elsewhere because it was. You were wrong to think the relationship was ok, the man just used your wife and she has paid a royal price I am certain. Maybe you should consider the reasons that your wife would possibly consider having a fantasy instead of being there with you. I don't think alot of men are very sensitive to the needs of their wives. I also don't think alot of men care more for their wives than they do their self interests. Put yourself in your wife's shoes sometime and think about it.

You felt violated because you were.

Gosh. I wish I could think that it is one sided. I appreciate the response though. But in the interest of the relationship, I was somewhat weirded out by the whole thing. I don't know what more that I could have done other than show my affection and how much I care. I think the who relationship, knowing that we are now getting a divorce, was based on sexuality. It was kind of like a sickness. I had my own issues to deal with - mental health wise - but with the way that things went, it was like I was being taught a lesson. I just don't understand the circumstances why a fantasy and a fantasy person would be so much more attractive than being with your partner in real life - to the point of alienating the person you love. Strange. But it is a real life situation. Unfortunately, we have both decided to move on. It was for the best, but not without a lot of heartache - due to the natural tendency to be with another person after so long.