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Celebrations and Being on the Spectrum
This time of year, especially, there are many gatherings. Be it family, friends, co-workers, neighborhood get-togethers, so many opportunities to put our coping skills to work.
Last night I went to a community holiday parade. Everyone was braving the weather, which hovered in the high 30s. Jackets, gloves, hats of all kinds, and also behaviors of all kinds, from adults to children, very young babies to family dogs. For me, it was a test to see how I would handle it all. Not too well, it turned out, even though I chose to stay on the very outskirts.
Many lights [steady and/or blinking]. Much gleeful shouting from children happy to be "set free" to play with friends and race around until the next event. Adults with exclamations of greetings and latest news. Horns honking, singing, "ho ho ho" being heard over it all. People pressed together. The combination of it all was too much after about 40 minutes, or less.
As someone on the spectrum, formally diagnosed with Asperger's, sometimes it is easy to spot fellow spectrum residents. In a store, the child you might see having a severe reaction, may be over-tired, hungry, or having an autistic moment in response to the external stimuli. Likewise an older child or adult may simply shut down, or try to mask true feelings “in order to fit in” with the majority of people.
How are you doing in this time of year? Do you hibernate at home? Do you make sure you carefully chose your times to interact with crowds? What about other times of celebration? When I was working and management insisted on parties, I chose to be absent, take care of myself, and to heck with how others thought of me.
Ginger
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Good for you for trusting your instincts and staying safe :P. I chose to stay home this thanksgiving, and worked a fill in for Christmas. I generally avoid any gatherings with more then just my Aunt and cousin. I havn't met many people since moving here besides my coworkers. And I tend to be pretty quiet at work. Covid has definitely been one more thing to worry about, as much as I try not to.
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2 Reactions@jonperyer and @robynvixin Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. We are brave, those of us on the spectrum who choose to put ourselves first, and our health [physical/emotional/mental] As @auntieoakley mentioned, telling those close to us about the fact we see things and respond differently, is one way to introduce our style to others. You know, many [on the spectrum or not] wish they had the guts to "just say no" when they want to step away from festivities and crowds. We do it for our own preservation! It's a must for us, once we realize just how much better we feel.
Take care of yourselves, however that means. Be gentle on yourself. Write out the emotions going on in your mind and heart. Congratulate yourself for learning about what makes you the best you can be. And come to Mayo Clinic Connect.
Ginger
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4 Reactions@trainwreck54 Yeah for taking care of yourself, and understanding the need to be there for yourself, first. Screeching children make my teeth ache, you too? Perhaps the host has some fish stew left overs for you?
Ginger
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2 ReactionsThanks for the welcome :), I am glad I am learning to just say no. Learning about myself has shown me that it is ok. I don't need to try so hard to feel "normal". I learned about writing my thoughts out a few years ago when trying to communicate better with a partner. It definitely is a big help when I struggle to get words out sometimes. I feel much more fluent on paper then I do vocally. I am glad to find this connect page and know mayo has a form community.
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3 Reactions@jonperyer Many of us on the spectrum find the written word a great way to reflect and communicate. I have been a journaling person all my life, and my dad was, also. We have a discussion group for journaling here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/journaling-the-write-stuff-for-you/ Take a look and see how many have used this tool in their daily lives.
Ginger
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3 ReactionsI did come to our Christmas family gathering, it gave me an opportunity to see in person my very autistic nephew & support him in my own way. Everyone tested with Covid-19 antigen tests beforehand & we are boosted too (except nephew). So we’ll blame it on the dog if we get Covid. The newest variant hasn’t really hit our area in any big way though, & not everyone joined us that might have otherwise.
I think being able to share little activities that I enjoyed as a child with my nephew helps me in adjusting to gatherings. I learned this time his favorite music group is the Eagles so I will now look for Eagles things to share with him next time.
The host prepared my nephew’s favorite dinner, & he did pay the cook big comments devouring it. Just seeing him is a real joy for me. And so far, knock on wood the dog hasn’t given us Covid!
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4 ReactionsWhat a delightful story! We have several family members on the spectrum, and we always try to have a "safe space" for them to take a time out from the gathering, or for one or two people to visit quietly. We also accept that sometimes comfort means sitting in the group, but wearing earbuds or reading. Making a favorite dish or meal makes a lot of sense! We'll try that at the next gathering.
Sue
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4 ReactionsPerhaps this has been discussed but this would be new to me. My love one had been given the diagnosis of autism in Mayo ER. How was this condition not been seen before as he is 35 with a bipolar condition? What determines this condition? He speaks incredibly well and has numerous degrees. Though shy and was reclusive at our family Christmas party and requested his dad take him home after the dinner. Today he said he’s finally relaxing.
I have been reading up on the autism spectrum. Where would I find additional resources.
Thank you
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2 ReactionsI am 32 and only just now being diagnosed. From what I have been learning some of us are better as "masking" then others. And since even I didn't really know about the spectrum until after I was told I might be on it, I had no way of making the connection. A personal source I have been using to educate myself has been a youtube channel called 'Aspergers from the Inside'. I really relate to the things this guy talks about, and I have been sharing his videos with some of my family.
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3 ReactionsI appreciate your open and personal response. You have been a great help to my family and indirectly to my son. The YouTube channel explanation will be a great help. I’ll share this information with my husband. You are is helping others. Thank you.
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3 Reactions