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Taking care of Mom: Most rewarding and difficult thing I’ve ever done
Good morning,
I have been reading these posts for awhile now but have never posted myself. At the end of June, my 76 year old healthy, vibrant mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It started in her left lung and has metastasized to her right lung, lymph nodes in her chest, right hip, tailbone and brain. Her only symptom was some shortness of breath which was so gradual that we thought it was allergies. I have been taking care of her since the beginning of July, living with my dad and her. My husband and 2 children who are still home, (we have 6 kids) help and visit us daily. All of our lives have been turned upside down. In the beginning, she had 5 radiation treatments to her hip/tailbone and 10 whole brain radiations. She started chemo on her last day of brain radiation. She had at least 14 lesions on the brain and her last scan showed 3-5 are still there. She has now had 4 chemo treatments ( alimta, carboplatin and keytruda). She is so, so weak and tired, absolutely no appetite and cannot do anything herself. About 5 weeks ago she developed a blood clot in her right lung that had broken off from blood clots in her left leg. She could not be on blood thinners because one of the brain lesions had hemorrhaging around it. They inserted an IVC filter that will hopefully stop any other clots from traveling. My mom is my best friend and it is horrific seeing her go through this and watching her decline in front of my eyes. I have two older brothers and they help when they can, but Mom wants me and I want to be with her because I know what is going on best, if that makes sense?? Her oxygen drops significantly on exertion - not sure if it is the blood clot, cancer or both?? Since she was diagnosed, we had our first grandbaby( they live 8 hrs away and we have seen once- (she’s beautiful :)), our oldest daughter got married, our Second daughter moved away to college and I took a year leave of absence from my job as a teacher. So many changes…..I am so blessed to have been able to do this and take care of Mom, but sometimes it gets difficult. I am thankful to have found this caregiving page…taking care of my mom is the most rewarding but most difficult thing I’ve ever done… I don’t want to lose her….
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@pstut I’m glad to hear that everything is going well for you and that your mom. But, you’re right, you need to get out and take care of yourself! Come join ou virtual walking group! The link is below.:
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/lets-go-walking-join-me-for-a-virtual-walking-support-group/
I’ll ask @jakedduck1 and @loribmt and @artist01 to welcome you when you get there!!
Will you come join us?
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4 Reactions@pstut
Welcome to Connect. Taking care of my dad who was paralyzed from the neck down and who also had cancer and other problems. I also took care of my mom and they were the most rewarding times of my life. I had a severe seizure disorder and had to live with my parents. No matter what I did for them I could never make up for all they had done for me.
As Becky suggested getting out and walking I think would be quite helpful Be sure to stop at the bakery or take some cookies or candy along like I do. I noticed I didn’t walk as far knowing my treats were waiting for me at home.
thank you for bringing this to my attention Becky.
Be sure to take good care of yourself,
Jake
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2 ReactionsGood evening,
I just wanted to let you all know that my mama passed away on December 23rd after a 6 month courageous battle with cancer. She was in her home with my oldest daughter and me by her side. It was so hard to let her go, but I know she is now at peace. I am so blessed that I was able to take care of her. I miss her already… About 5 minutes ago, I wanted to call her to talk with her and it really hit me. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day was definitely not the same… God bless you all and wishing you the best in 2022…
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4 ReactionsI am so sorry your Mom passed....I don't want to say you lost your Mom because I believe in heaven and she is not lost or suffering anymore....you will miss her,.... but the greatest love we can show is considering them and letting go so they will no longer suffer....below is my Mom that had a severe stroke and her throat was paralyzed....she could not eat or drink after the 2nd stroke....she also was on hospice and didn't eat or drink not even water for 10 days....I prayed for God in his mercy to take her and He did the very next day ❤ she did not suffer and slipped into a coma....just wanted you to know I care....and I know you will keep your Moms' memory alive 🙏 tap picture to enlarge if you desire
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4 Reactions@pstut I am so sorry to learn of your mother’s death. She sounded like a very special and strong person. And you will always remember her as she was. I found this poem 20+ years ago and it really spoke to me:
In the rising of the sun, and it’s going down, we remember them;
In the blowing of the wind, and in the chill of winter, we remember them;
In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them;
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn, we remember them;
In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them;
When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them;
When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them;
When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them;
So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now part of us,
As we remember them.
Unknown author
I send my love and caring at this time
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6 ReactionsAhhh that is a beautiful picture. You are right, she’s not lost, but in Heaven. That day and night, I told Mom to go to Heaven and we would be okay. She has 10 grandchildren and that night she saw her last one who flew in from NC… take care and thank you for beautiful message🙏🏼♥️
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3 ReactionsAh, your Mom sounds so like mine - she was so ready to go, but waited until after midnight so that she would not die on her oldest grandson's birthday! She died on December 17th 10 years ago, and the holidays, which were her favorite time of year, are still bittersweet for our family.
We take comfort in keeping her memory alive. I have her most cherished ornament on my tree - so far it has survived 6 children, 18 grandchildren, and now over 2 dozen greats...
Wishing you peace as you miss her.
Sue
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4 ReactionsYears ago I realized our true legacy is the memories of ourselves we leave behind and are remembered!
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2 ReactionsThis is so beautiful! It resonates deeply in my heart!
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2 ReactionsSo true. Thank you ♥️