Oh Lodi!! You can’t imagine my relief in seeing you resurface here! Honestly, I’ve been thinking about you so much, especially the past few days and wondering how everything’s been going.

Well, Pfhew…transplant procedure out of the way and you both survived living in the hospital! But as you’re realizing there’s a long road back. This is one helluva shock to the system and traumatic on many levels. So Richard is going to need some time to deal with everything that’s transpired.
Physically he’ll be pretty spent by the end of each day. I became a tv binge person during my recovery. That made me worry about my psyche! LOL. I was NEVER one to watch tv in the daytime!! But I felt like doing nothing other than sleeping and watching tv. I’m an avid reader but that exhausted me! Occasionally I’d get my little watercolor kit out but that minimal effort left me drained. So really, for this part of his recovery being 6 weeks out watching westerns and sleeping is pretty normal. HA, I watched HGTV and Hallmark Channel til my brain was mush!!

Lodi, you have been an incredible caregiver spending all that time in the hospital! That’s above and beyond the call of duty and truly exemplary. You’re so vigilant with your care and concern for your partner. So it has to hurt terribly to get this unexpected and short tempered treatment.

You’re in a tough spot with your partner becoming contrary though still needy. He’s sounding like a two year old with petty things like cutting tomatoes or water in the correct glass. In that case, I’d be implement my plan for dealing with my 2 year old (36 years ago). She’d pull that stuff at the breakfast table. I’d ask what she wanted for breakfast. She wanted Cheerios. I’d put those out…no no she didn’t want Cheerios!! Battle Royale! Well, pfft, I can outsmart a 2 year old! LOL. I put out 3 options for breakfast and let her choose. Life became much less combative.
If your partner doesn’t like the water glass you choose, have him get up and get his own water. He needs to move anyway to keep his blood flowing and build his stamina.
Give him a little longer leash. By doing that, you’re also giving yourself some time to heal and get back to YOUR former self. Self care is so important as a caregiver and you’ve not had that luxury for several months while being so strongly focused on your partner. Your actions show a deep and abiding love for your partner of so many years. You know he feels the same but for right now, he’s not able to reciprocate.

While I was recovering, as much as I deeply and profoundly appreciated everything my husband did I started to get a little irritated. By week 6 as I was gaining a little independence back, bless his heart, he still hovered! He’d been overprotecting me for months as we went through my AML treatments, transplant, etc. But now that was over and I just wanted to become ME again!!
His thoughtful over attentiveness at that point drove me crazy. He meant well but I’ve always been hugely independent and began to resent him being so nearby all the time. If I had a tickle in my throat and coughed, he’d quickly ask if I was ok! I’d try to do little things for myself and he’d run to the rescue. I longed for the half hour or so when he’d run to the grocery store so I had some alone time. Still slept while he was gone but I felt a little sense of freedom.
It’s a difficult transition from being gravely ill and the focus of so much attention to going back to ‘normal’ and now needing to push people away. I just wanted to be normal and not have people cloying to get close to me or to floof my pillows. LOL this was NOT the husband I was used to for 45 years!!!

I think maybe some of Richard’s denial is grief. And he doesn’t know how to deal with it. My husband told me more than once that it’s a good thing he wasn’t the patient or he’d have been horribly difficult to deal with. Hahah it was tongue in cheek as obviously neither of us would have wished this on our worst enemies. But it just shows that sometimes men don’t cope as well as we women do with difficult medical and psychological issues.

Richard is still on a lot of meds that can really mess with his overall being. And if he’s dealing with nausea yet, which is normal that has a huge impact on the happiness level. I think he’ll come around in several weeks. When he’s able to switch to oral magnesium, a suggestion is Magnesium Glycinate. It’s a much gentler form of Mag and won’t cause gastric issues. Run it past your partner’s pharmacist and team when the time comes. It was approved by my Mayo transplant team.

As far as options going forward, let this play out each day at a time. Richards will face things on a need-to-do basis. He’s being led by his team for the next 2 months anyway as they’re calling the shots.

We have a Caregiver group where I think we’ll find some empathetic members who might be able to give you some helpful feedback. Remember, I was the patient so my perspective is different. I’m great with transplant issues but I might suck with the caregiver aspect. 😉

I’m going to look for some links and members to bring into the conversation but in the meantime I have 2 links below just to get you started. You’ve got this Lodi!! I’m so happy to see you, I could reach through this screen with a hug!!
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers/
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/podcasts/newsfeed-post/griffin/

Good morning, Lodi! Thought it was time to drop by to see how you and your husband are holding up. He should be making some headway by now after his transplant.
How are YOU doing?? I know this has been a difficult challenge for you too as a caregiver. Not every patient is the best when it comes to consideration of the person who is by their side 24/7.
sending a huge hug for support. Let me know how you’re both doing.