Nervousness and Worry

I have early childhood onset anxiety. I hate it & it ruined many parts of my life, it made choices for me & made my childhood pretty miserable in many ways-recitals were a nightmare for me, speaking in front of my third grade class, making friends. I still have anxiety but it is generally controlled but I still have dropped out of my book club, a few social club things involving dinners & dancing & mingling. I'm still in a garden club but rarely attend. As I write this, I can see that my anxiety is not controlled & still runs my life.

@marionwilhelm So sorry you're having such a hard time. I had terrible social anxiety starting around 15 y/o. I'm pretty sure I know the reasons, family PTSD, TBI, all happening just about the same time. I applaud your efforts to get out there and be in groups. One thing I had to realize is, I'm an introvert. Once I got that across my brain, I didn't feel bad that socializing wasn't/isn't something I really want to do. At least not in the way most people seem to like. Was there a cause of your early-onset anxiety? Have you seen a counselor? Do you want to pursue counseling? Thanks for posting. Feel free to write back. Best, Suzanne

Thanks. I just recently realized I, too, was an introvert. Although I wonder if that was really part of my personality or became part of it because of my anxiety. My anxiety started when I was 8 or 9 & I'm almost 68 now. I have seen counselors & my PCP is very good. I also do some journaling. My anxiety was most like likely family/environmental. We moved frequently & so there was no continuity of teachers that might have noticed a pattern. A distant father & a cold, mean mother & here I am.

When we come to the realization that we are an introvert, in an extravert world, things seem to really make sense, don't they? All the anxiety to be sociable [when we would rather meet on a one-to-one basis!], all the nervousness of being in new situations, everything comes to a head. I was forced in to classes and doings when i was young, when I didn't want to be. It cause no end of retreating even further back in to myself. Many years of counseling, journaling, reading and coming to an understanding of how I tick, has helped me honor myself, and the forced participation be d*****! It is much easier now for me to say "no" and stick to my guns, knowing that if i am not comfortable, I will be miserable.
Ginger

@gingerw Thanks for sharing that. Just reading what you said was validating. I too grew up in an extremely social environment in the 50s-60s - UGH! It's hard not to regret that I didn't figure it out sooner. I try and just focus on knowing what makes me happy and being grateful I no longer feel pressured. Though, to be honest, I slipped back when I moved. I moved to a neighborhood that was very friendly and that is nice. Also several single women same age and stage. This was all after my recent divorce, leaving New Mexico after almost 30 years. I was displaced emotionally as well as physically and I felt pressured by my daughter-in-law and son (not so much him) to make friends and be fine (they live down the road from me.) I was anxious and depressed and all my childhood trauma came back. That was a difficult time. I'm much better now. There's one gal, she's a book person like me and quite to herself, and a bit quirky and we get together on occasion. Also, I can't eat out. I just can't handle eating a meal without it getting stuck and feeling like I'll never be able to eat again. I think I have early dysphagia. I had a swallow study and they said I have GERD. Well you swallow 12 oz. of that stuff and then a table flips you on your back - of course, I had some, but amazingly little. Well, thank you, Ginger. This is as close as I'll get to journaling. Suzanne

I sure do recognise what you are saying about going out to eat alone. When I was in my early 20s my anxiety got severe enough that I was afraid to walk across the restaurant to go to the ladies room.
My family was incredibly disfunctional and for 5 years or so I would get so nervous around them that I had immediate vomiting. I have thrown up in my hand, in the ocean, in a napkin,etc. Anxiety has so many components but my best trick is deep breathing.

Me, too. I really like people but after a few minutes of chat, I run dry & have no idea how to get away. Strangers are really my best friends.

Breathing is such a good practice. I do the Humming Bird Breathing and I usually drift off to a better place while all the stuff I'm worrying or feeling shamed by or regret sails off into the horizon and I don't see it again until the next time. There is also some acceptance of the fact that it never goes away. It will always be with you. But, as you age, it becomes a dark shadow that follows you less and less closely.

That's funny. I'm with you on that! LOL

I have been taking Cymbalta for many years, maybe 20 years. I have also tried Wellbutrin in the past and it made me too anxious. Recently Cymbalta became less effective so my doc added Wellbutrin to augment Cymbalta. I have now tapered off the Cymbalta and am only taking the Wellbutrin and feel a little more anxiety but also more energy. I am only taking 100mg extended release. Hoping that at this low dose I will not be so anxious as I do like the energy. Seems like I had to drop the Cymbalta to get this effect.