@gingerw I actually reached out to the National Kindey Foundation, and they got me connected with a peer mentor, someone who has experienced the same thing. She had a transplant, and experienced and worked through her grief, and initally just having someone to talk to who has experienced the same things was and has been helpful. But I can't just keep talking about how sad I am about it over and over again. Thats not productive and it doesn't change how I feel to rehash it with her. She came to peace with it, and eventually I think I will be able to do the same. I just wish I could force myself to feel differently. I just feel like I am being ungrateful and wasting time with this grief that I can't seem to let go of. Thanks for your reply. It was very thoughtful.