How about a laugh, (hopefully)

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor?
Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said, ‘Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.’ Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot would you say?'

OK Jake, I had to go deep for this one because I know you love these 😁

I got my wife to help my put some posts in the ground for our new fence, I gave her the new hammer and I said, "When I nod my head, you hit it." I don't remember much after that.

I gotta get in on this barrage of great jokes

Sergei was walking his dogs. Someone asked their names and Sergei replied Omega and Rolex.

The person said he never heard of such names for dogs. Why those names?

Sergei replied …because they are watch dogs.

FL Mary

OK Jake, I had to go deep for this one because I know you love these 😁

I got my wife to help my put some posts in the ground for our new fence, I gave her the new hammer and I said, "When I nod my head, you hit it." I don't remember much after that.

A husband and wife are grocery shopping.
he picks up a case of beer and put it in the cart, she asks. What are you doing? $10 for 24 cans he says.
Put them back we can’t afford them demands the wife. Later on she put a $20 jar of face cream in the cart. What are you doing asks the husband. It’s my face cream it makes me look beautiful she replies.
he says, so does 24 cans of beer and it’s half the price.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a spade and a club.