I certainly do not know your circumstances, but I wonder how he would cope if he was told that you would no longer give him care if he continues to be verbally abusive. And then follow thru. I don't know if he would/could physically harm you, but you will be so demoralized if you continue to allow him to be rude and disrespectful to you. You must at all cost protect yourself from further abuse. You are very brave to speak to us about this. I commend you for that. If you are physically safe and he shouts "I need water". Then you could say "You shouted you need water. Ask me politely like when you talk to so and so." and I'll get you water. I see how you treat others, and I will no longer respond to your needs if you continue to speak unkindly to me." Then turn and walk away. WE TRULY DO TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US. This is likely an old pattern that you established as a couple. Mocking, belittling and put downs are not OK. You did these things to quiet his rage, but it did not work and you do not have to continue to do that. Ask your counselor about that. I'm really proud of you for taking a risk to say these things openly. But it's not cast in stone. Even now it can change. But you can only do these things if you know with certainty that he cannot and will not physically harm you. Please be brave, but not foolish. If you risk physical harm, then you really need to talk with your counselor and figure out an intervention. Patience can only go so far. Even a sick person is capable of change. I can hear it in your words. it's exhausting. Be well and be safe. I care about you. Thankfully you have a therapist who you like. That is key to this discussion.